I was in a relationship recently, which I assume is over now. I don't
really know because the last time I talked to this guy, he "loved" me
and then he just stopped talking to me. He has ignored every attempt I
have made to contact him. I have tried phone, text, and email. I get
nothing. It was a long distance relationship so I have no way of
confronting him personally. I just want to know what happened. I'm
having a hard time moving on because I have no idea what has upset him.
I feel like it would hurt less if I had some closure. I just feel that
if he wants to end things, he at least needs to say it to me. If I had
that, I'm sure it would make me angry enough to want to move on and
forget about him since he has no reason to be mad at me. I really loved
this man and I thought he was the one I would finally settle down with
someday. He really seemed to genuinely love me too. Anyway, what I want
to know is if there is any spell or anything I can do to make him just
talk to me? For better or worse, all I want to know what is going on. It
certainly appears to be over and I can handle that but I need to HEAR
it. Kind of like an exit interview. I know it probably sounds strange
that I care what he thinks but I can't stand not knowing. It's driving
me crazy! Any suggestions?
My main question is, did you sleep with him?
I did sleep with him, several times.
We're very sexually compatible actually.
It would be hard for me to say why he left (not that you asked) since I
don't know him. But the first impression I got is the same impression I
always get when a woman says, "He said that he loved me one day and the
next day he broke up with me," which is basically that he was trying to
get you in the bed, which is why he claimed to love you. Guys will
pretty much say whatever they have to in order to get you in the sack.
You have to be cautious not to take "I love you" too seriously, at least
until you have been together a long time. I've had guys tell me they
love in the first hour after meeting me. For some guys, it's just too
easy for them to say those words. What they really love is sex.
I'm assuming you waited a decent amount of time, like a month or more,
before having sex with him. If not, that would be my advice for the
future. (Since this was long-distance you would probably need to meet
him at least three times before you have sex with him, but that's just a
guess.) Men have to feel like you're a challenge to them. If you give up
the goods too easily or too quickly, they think that you're only good
for a lay, not for a relationship. So you have to make them wait. If
they are truly interested in you, they'll wait for it. Then when you
finally have sex, he'll feel like he had to work for it, which will make
him appreciate you more. It's just like if you give a car to a teenager,
they'll treat it like crap. If you make them work for it and pay for the
car themselves, they'll treat it like their own little baby.
On the other hand, if he isn't willing to wait for the sex, and he's
always pushing you for it, or threatens to leave if you don't have sex
with him, that means that he's really only interested in the sex. He'll
leave you once he has it.
It takes a while to understand all this if you have to learn it through
trial and error. Luckily, there are several good books available that
teach women how men think and how you need to act in order to get a good
one and keep him. Men are very different than women and if you treat
them the same way you would treat a female friend, you'll be
disappointed again and again.
If you like to read (and even if you don't), check out these books:
Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to
Holding Her Own in a Relationship
Why Men Marry Bitches: A Woman's Guide to Winning Her Man's Heart
Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs to Know About Catching a Man
There are so many books like this. All women should read them because
they contain invaluable information about men's nature and how you need
to be in order to get a good man.
If you try too hard to please a man, he'll get tired of you and dump you
because you aren't a challenge to him (unless he's abusive and then
he'll want someone just like you to push around.) It's good to keep them
guessing. Don't always be there when he calls. Don't pick up on the
first ring. Don't sit by the computer waiting for his IM or email (and
respond instantly.) All of those kinds of things will make you look
desperate. Another major thing is that looks are usually the most
important thing to man. So if you meet him online, don't lie to him
about how you look. I'm sure you aren't like this, but just in case you
are, I want to tell you about all the women online who post pictures of
themselves that are 100 pounds lighter or 20 years younger than what
they currently are. The guy gets his hopes up, thinking you're this
little hottie, and then he meets you and realizes that he's been tricked.
That will piss him off AND it will disappoint him. So if you're doing
that, it's time to stop and be honest about your looks. Not too
honest... I mean, you still want to look as hot as you can, since looks
are so important to a guy, so do whatever you can to always look great
when he sees you, but you can't lie about yourself and expect him not to
notice when he meets you. Trust me, he'll notice. He probably won't
mention it, but he'll know. So he'll use you (for sex) like he thinks
you used him, and he'll be gone.
Well, that's all just general information that tends to apply to a lot
of women. Maybe some of it will help you. The books would be a great
place to start to find out what you're doing that might be a problem in
relationships. I hope you find the answers you want.
Best of luck to you.
Everything Under the