think ing of ME too much?

Post by **sheherazade** » Fri Sep 09, 2005 11:01 am

you all know in your lifetime someone you never keep touch with but if they are ok,you know you'll be fine...& when you are slipping you finally call to make sure they are not?
today i found out mine killed himself...quite a few months ago.
& yeah...i thought of me.
if HE couldn't make it how could i?
so i quietly & w/out ceremony lit a white candle for him,for peace & a green candle for ME..to heal...from WHATEVER it is that's ailing me.
i don't even know why i feel like i need to ask...maybe cause i haven't done anything remotely spiritual in a very long time but...
does that sound ok?
..........susan

[Dragonmaiden] · Post by **[Dragonmaiden]** » Fri Sep 09, 2005 11:28 am

That sounds perfect, IMO.

I'm sorry you lost someone so close to you. Come back and talk to us all you want, you will find a ton of support here.

BB

June

Post by hedge* » Fri Sep 09, 2005 11:42 am

(((((((((((((((((((sheherazade)))))))))))))))))))))))

What can I say hun. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It is allways tragic when someone takes their own life, tragic for all the friends and family concerned as well as the person who killed themselves. Tragic that they saw it as their only way out when it isn't. There is allways another option to suicide and that is to live. To live your life to the fullest and to poke your tongue out at all the shit that happens in life.
The candles you lit was a good gesture. You ARE healed Sherazade and you ARE strong because this is your nature and the impression I have gotten from you. If you ever need to talk you know where I am, please don't hesitate to contact me.

Love and hugs to you.
hedge

Post by **[scifichick]** » Fri Sep 09, 2005 11:50 am

I am sorry for your loss, but YOU CAN make it! Warmest thoughts with you!

Post by **sheherazade** » Fri Sep 09, 2005 12:49 pm

yes & thank you...i suppose he wasn't really a "friend "of mine.actually thinking he was doing well i avoided him b/c i have my own issues w/ fidelity,we had both suffered a nervious breakdown(yes..guess WHERE we met)& by the time i got home most people weren't speaking to me anymore anyway(whaa whaa poor me,i know)& he was REAL & familiar to me....i felt if he had made it this long the "plan" had worked.
the last resort therapy & all that.but still he was offering more than a "hand" & i was shakey.
so,when i found i could not under any circumstances take my meds anymore & saw a slipping down pattern i thought to call him & see if HE was surviving well.
he just GOT IT you know. & no i wasn't in love w/ him or anything but it was strange how he GOT it when i needed SOMEONE to & in a hospital you make friends only with the people who make sense.
i called him once about this & he hadn't answered..i figured if found his number i'd call again & his MOTHER answered.
i knew.
beleive me i've had other suicides in my life & this one shook the hell out of me.
i called my h & lost my mind & he was good enough considering what he's had to deal w/ w/ other men in my life but he didn't know what to say.his brother(all american family)drank himself to death on purpous last summer,his step brother killed himself w/ a gun...but he admits he doesn't GET it.
weird,huh?
maybe i'm feeling guilt about pulling away.
maybe i'm simply feeling guilt for ignoring my spirituality.
i'd continued to come here while my magick room got dusty.
i neglected to ask Spirit for guidence.
i kept coming here too altho my spiritual advisor turned out to be such a hog i didn't know which way to go anymore.
once upon a time my divination skills were pretty good.
i guess neglect has made them rusty.
maybe it's doubt.
thanks for your words tho,they mean alot.................susan

Post by BlackenedRose* » Fri Sep 09, 2005 1:18 pm

It's OK susan. Everyone feels like that sometimes, but you are a very strong and lovely person and I am sure you will pull through. It is important in times like this to look after yourself, and although I am a lot younger and have been through very little compared to yourself the same sentiments hold true. Whatever happens, hold true to yourself and you will come out on top. It's OK to have let go of your divination skills, over time they may come back but it is important to hold on. I have also lost someone who was very close to me, he was my best friend and I know how hard it is. Feel comfortable in knowing that you are still yourself despite everything that has happened, because you are strong.

*hugs repeatedly*

Post by **moonlit** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 7:24 am

Suicide is a PERMANANT solution for a TEMPORARY problem.

It make me omg, like so I dont even know what else to say but broken hearted when ppl take there own life. It's like a million "if onlys" run through your head. If only they would realize that you arent given anything you cant handle. If only they would ask for help. If only they were thinking clearly... the list goes on. Maybe it hits me so hard because I'm like a medium. I have great respect for the dead and I always feel great loss when someone dies.. even if I dont know them.

I wish SO much that there was more things to do for ppl who are feeling suicidal. I mean there should be more free counsiling and stuff.

I'm so sorry for your loss

Post by **sheherazade** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 8:16 am

what hurts most is that this particular man did nothing but ask for help ...or give it under any circumstances.
i would move heaven & earth to find out what he was thinking when he finally gave up.

Post by BlackenedRose* » Tue Sep 13, 2005 12:56 pm

Who knows? Maybe it's better for you not to know, because it might be worse and set you thinking about 'if only you had talked to him about it'.

Post by moonwitch* » Tue Sep 13, 2005 11:36 pm

Sheherazade... I have read many of your posts and I can say this with all my heart.... you have such a light and spark in you and the world is better place because of you. So please sweetie.. don't play the what if games with your self.

Post by **Starwitch** » Wed Sep 14, 2005 12:03 am

I'm sorry to hear about your loss Sheherazade. Suicide is so hard to understand. One of my good friends killed himself many years ago when we found out he had AIDS. I guess I can't blame him, seeing as he really had no family to support him, but it's very sad just the same. I think if people knew and understood our real purpose here in our lives, and were not given a false view of religion and spirituality, there would be far less suicide. It's a shame. You can bet as soon as he crossed over, he had a big "DUH" moment and realized his mistake. But everything is forgiven on the other side and he will simply live another life with similar circumstances and try to get it right next time. New souls, I hear, are more prone to giving up in the middle of a life when it gets too difficult. There is no blame though on the other side, and especially so if he suffered from mental illness, which was probably the case if he was on drugs. But none of that helps the feelings you are having, I'm sure. It doesn't make it any easier to know that he'll be fine no matter what. It still hurts to know he is gone and wonder why he did it and whether you could have helped. Usually, there is no one who can help people that are that desperate. They don't tend to tell people what they plan to do. I saw my friend only two days before he committed suicide and he was acting fine and dandy, happy as always. Two days later, he was dead (he shot himself in the head with a .22) and there a short blurb in my local paper about it. I found out when I went to school (college) and a mutual friend asked me if I had heard about it. I was shocked to say the least. Later that day, I went over to his apartment and the window was unlocked so I opened it and right on top of the window air conditioner there was a Goddess pendant with an amethyst on it. I have kept it all these years and still have it and think of him when I see it.

Be sure you talk to us about your feelings and get it all out. We're here for you.