I've made a huge, horrible mistake.

[Vesca]

Andromeda, at this point I would strongly encourage you to seek out a counselor or therapist regarding your mother's influence over you. While people here may have had their own experiences with similar situations, we can not be a stand-in for professional assistance and that is what is going to help you out the most right now.

That is just a big can of worms that can be triggering for some people, and everyone's situation will be entirely unique (which means what works for them may not work for you, and vice versa). That's why it's important to get someone objective to help you process your circumstances and help you find the best tools that will work for you.

[Adiens]

I just want to chime in here and say that manipulation IS abuse. In my opinion, ANYTHING that makes you so uncomfortable that you don't feel safe or like you cannot be happy because of the way someone treats you is considered abuse. Manipulation would be what I'd call emotional abuse. There should be some kind of shelter for single mothers that you might be able to go stay at, or at least go talk to about your situation. They might be able to help you find a way out of this so you could be with the one who will make you happy. You only have one life to liven and there's absolutely no reason that you should stay living one that makes you unhappy. The only person stopping you is yourself, as harsh as that sounds. Hopefully you can find someone who can assist you with getting back onto your feet. You need to find a job as well, as that will help you in the long run if you don't have one already. Best of luck and lots of love and light. <3

Completely agree!

[MsMollimizz]

Everyone is giving you excellent advise, there's not
much more I can say that wouldn't be redundant !
But if I may...
It would be beneficial for you to take the trailer !
What seems scary right now will be lessened when
you are out on your own. There is no greater feeling,
in my opinion, then taking care of yourself by yourself !
That new found independence will make you stronger
for it. You and your child are priority number one !
Maybe, when your Mom sees how strong you as a
person have grown into only time will tell.
But if I may, keep telling yourself she will not affect
you as she use to...YOU ARE STRONGER ! Believe it
and it will happen.
Gentle Light
MsMollimizz

[Andromeda]

Everyone here has given me wonderful advice. Thank you all so much, for taking the time to help me out.

Tomorrow I'm going to where I used to work, and ask for my job back. (I left because I wanted to spend more time with my kid, and my husband was making enough for me not to have to work. It's a daycare, so I can take my son with me) my friend that still works there says my boss is looking for people for when school starts back, which is perfect.

I'm also about to go see a therapist, I'm going July 22 for my first appointment. Things are starting to look up a bit, even though I still miss Jake like crazy.

[Andromeda]

If anyone is still interested, heres an update:

Currently I'm working on school, and working full time. I'm doing well in therapy, my Therapist says I'm doing well managing my BPD, and that I'm going through an existential crisis. Once I get through all of this, I know I'll be okay. My main goal now is becoming self sufficient so that I can stop leading Chris on and divorce him... In the mean time, I'm trying to be a good wife. I keep the house clean, I'm nice to him, I take care of him and try to help him as much as possible. It's my duty to him to at least try to be a good wife, even if it won't last.

I've seen Jake one more time since my last post. I went to visit him at a festival one weekend and we had a blast.

[SnowCat]

Thanks for posting an update. Sounds like things are improving for you.

Snow