Response to a
Chain Letter
When you receive a chain letter from someone, feel free to
send them THIS chain letter in response:
Hello, My name is _________. I am suffering
from seven rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of
being mauled by squirrels, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion
chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send
them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a potato growing
out of her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed
before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone
you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I
scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll meet the girl (or guy) of my
dreams tomorrow! What a bunch of junk. So basically, this message is
directed to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to
send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil letter leprechauns will
come into my house and write "I'm a moron" on my forehead in permanent
marker in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by a
knight of the round table and was brought to this country by midget
pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in
the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of
blatant stupidity.
What a bunch of BS.
So basically, this message is a big F*!% YOU to all the people out there
who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come to my apartment and
sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain that was started by
Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought over to this country by pilgrims on the
Mayflower. If it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book
of World Records for the longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
If you're going to forward something, at least send something mildly
amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and
this poor wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel
from some omniscient being" emails about 9000 times. I don't give a @&%#!
Show a little bit of intelligence and think about what you're actually
contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own
unpopularity.
Another response to a chain
letter:
I recently received your chain
letter. Over 1,000 people have sent me chain letters, and every one of
them has died within 70 years, probably from the "Chain Letter Sender's
Curse." You will probably die soon if you experience any of the following
symptoms:
a. tiredness at bedtime
b. hunger just before lunch
c. inability to remember your license plate number
d. stupidity
Ok, here are the seven basic
types of chain letters ...
THE SEVEN BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1:
(scroll down)
(scroll down)
Make a wish!!!
No, really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!
No, I'm sorry, we're out of ponies at the time being!!
Have you forgotten why you're scrolling yet?
STOP!!!!
Wasn't that fun? :)
Hope you made a great wish :) Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what
I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5
seconds, you will be kidnapped by ninja elves and thrown off a high
building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like
all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be annoyed with you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be annoyed with you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be annoyed with you for
sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be annoyed with you for
sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
*******************************************
Chain Letter Type 2:
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving
little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no
parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for
every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little
Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.
Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent
and this is all a complete load of junk. So go on reach out. Send this to
5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally
send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly!!! Thanks again!!
*******************************************
Chain Letter Type 3:
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as
many sad email addicts with nothing better to do. So this is how it works:
1. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something
horrible will happen to you like:
*Bizzare Horro Story #1 Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on
Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then
tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a
drainpipe in a flood of poop, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not
only did she smell nasty, she died too. This Could Happen To You!!!
*Bizarre Horror Story # 2 Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain
letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was crushed by an
anvil that was dropped by a plane that just happened to be flying directly
above him. This Could Happen To You Too!!! 2. Remember, you could end up
just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your friends,
and everything will be okay.
*******************************************
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your
friends. Friends
Blah, Blah, Blah,
Friends,
Blah, Blah, Blah.
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his
wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on! If you don't, no one
will like you for as long as you live. I mean it, as long as you live.
*******************************************
Chain Letter Type #5
This e-mail is wicked-cool! It was started by Microsoft to test its e-mail
tracking system because, you know, a big high-tech company like Microsoft
always sends important new software out over the Internet to be available
to any moron who can operate a computer, right?
Plus, they have formed a secret merger with Disney Corp, who has agreed to
give up millions of dollars in revenue by giving everyone who reads this
e-mail, passes it on, looks at it, knows someone that looked at it, or is
related to someone who is a friend of someone who looks at it A FREE,
ALL-EXPENSES-PAID TRIP to Disneyland, DisneyWorld, or EuroDisney! So pass
this on to everyone you know who is gullible enough to believe this! Even
if it's not true, insulting all of your friends by implying that they are
gullible by sending this to them is worth the improbable chance that you
could go to Disneyland! Even if you lose all of your friends because they
are tired of receiving this kind of junk from you, it's worth the chance,
right? And just for good measure, if you don't send this on, Microsoft
will send its specially trained attack-goats to pilfer your house and eat
all of your family, So Pass This On!!
*******************************************
Chain Letter Type #6
VIRUS WARNING!!! If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it
immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will
not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete
anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the
stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code,
messes up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to
scratch any CDs you attempt to play. It will re-calibrate your
refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk
curdles. It will program your phone AutoDial to call only your
mother-in-law's number. So be careful!
Forward this to all of your friends, relatives, neighbors, family,
enemies, plumbers, garbage men, stock brokers, doctors, and any other
acquaintances! It's for their own good! Thank you.
*******************************************
Chain Letter Type #7
Here is a cute picture I drew.
(\ /)
( \ / )
( \ / )
( /<>\ )
( /\/\ )
/ \ __
( ) ( )
~~~~~~~~
It is a decapitated angel. Send it on to all of your friends so it will
brighten their day like it did yours! If you don't, demon-possessed goats
will move into your house and eat all of your socks, leading you to
believe that something is wrong with your washing machine because all of
your socks keep disappearing. Have a nice day!!!
*******************************************
Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it.
*Don't annoy people by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana
with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only
chance of living is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward
this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?
*******Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll find all
your socks missing tomorrow morning.
Spells |
