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Response to a Chain Letter

When you receive a chain letter from someone, feel free to send them THIS chain letter in response:

Hello, My name is _________. I am suffering from seven rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being mauled by squirrels, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a potato growing out of her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll meet the girl (or guy) of my dreams tomorrow! What a bunch of junk. So basically, this message is directed to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil letter leprechauns will come into my house and write "I'm a moron" on my forehead in permanent marker in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by a knight of the round table and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

What a bunch of BS.

So basically, this message is a big F*!% YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come to my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain that was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought over to this country by pilgrims on the Mayflower. If it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

If you're going to forward something, at least send something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" emails about 9000 times. I don't give a @&%#! Show a little bit of intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.

Another response to a chain letter:

I recently received your chain letter. Over 1,000 people have sent me chain letters, and every one of them has died within 70 years, probably from the "Chain Letter Sender's Curse." You will probably die soon if you experience any of the following symptoms:

a. tiredness at bedtime
b. hunger just before lunch
c. inability to remember your license plate number
d. stupidity

Ok, here are the seven basic types of chain letters ...

 

THE SEVEN BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:



Chain Letter Type 1:







(scroll down)

















(scroll down)













Make a wish!!!



















No, really, go on and make one!!!















Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!















Wish something else!!!









No, I'm sorry, we're out of ponies at the time being!!















Have you forgotten why you're scrolling yet?















STOP!!!!

Wasn't that fun? :)

Hope you made a great wish :) Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be kidnapped by ninja elves and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:

*Send this to 1 person: One person will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.

*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.

Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

*******************************************

Chain Letter Type 2:

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of junk. So go on reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly!!! Thanks again!!

*******************************************

Chain Letter Type 3:

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad email addicts with nothing better to do. So this is how it works: 1. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

*Bizzare Horro Story #1 Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poop, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died too. This Could Happen To You!!!

*Bizarre Horror Story # 2 Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was crushed by an anvil that was dropped by a plane that just happened to be flying directly above him. This Could Happen To You Too!!! 2. Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your friends, and everything will be okay.

*******************************************

Chain Letter Type 4:

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends. Friends
Blah, Blah, Blah,
Friends,
Blah, Blah, Blah.

A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on! If you don't, no one will like you for as long as you live. I mean it, as long as you live.

*******************************************

Chain Letter Type #5

This e-mail is wicked-cool! It was started by Microsoft to test its e-mail tracking system because, you know, a big high-tech company like Microsoft always sends important new software out over the Internet to be available to any moron who can operate a computer, right?

Plus, they have formed a secret merger with Disney Corp, who has agreed to give up millions of dollars in revenue by giving everyone who reads this e-mail, passes it on, looks at it, knows someone that looked at it, or is related to someone who is a friend of someone who looks at it A FREE, ALL-EXPENSES-PAID TRIP to Disneyland, DisneyWorld, or EuroDisney! So pass this on to everyone you know who is gullible enough to believe this! Even if it's not true, insulting all of your friends by implying that they are gullible by sending this to them is worth the improbable chance that you could go to Disneyland! Even if you lose all of your friends because they are tired of receiving this kind of junk from you, it's worth the chance, right? And just for good measure, if you don't send this on, Microsoft will send its specially trained attack-goats to pilfer your house and eat all of your family, So Pass This On!!

*******************************************

Chain Letter Type #6

VIRUS WARNING!!! If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, messes up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you attempt to play. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will program your phone AutoDial to call only your mother-in-law's number. So be careful!

Forward this to all of your friends, relatives, neighbors, family, enemies, plumbers, garbage men, stock brokers, doctors, and any other acquaintances! It's for their own good! Thank you.

*******************************************

Chain Letter Type #7

Here is a cute picture I drew.

(\ /)

( \ / )

( \ / )

( /<>\ )

( /\/\ )

/ \ __

( ) ( )

~~~~~~~~

It is a decapitated angel. Send it on to all of your friends so it will brighten their day like it did yours! If you don't, demon-possessed goats will move into your house and eat all of your socks, leading you to believe that something is wrong with your washing machine because all of your socks keep disappearing. Have a nice day!!!

*******************************************

Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it.

*Don't annoy people by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only chance of living is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?

*******Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll find all your socks missing tomorrow morning.

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