Horrible, Mean, Sarcastic Emails
That I've Actually Sent
 

This first email is in response to one of those idiots from other countries (usually  in Africa) who spam everyone and tell you about the hardships of their life and how the government murdered their wealthy father, etc. etc., and they want to transfer a shitload of money to America and they need your bank account number to do this, and of course, you'll get a huge cut of the money for helping them. Here is the actual email if anyone gives a shit.

And here is my response to the above-mentioned email:

Dear Mr. Cole,

Thank you for your interest in little old me. If you'll simply send me your bank account info (actually a credit card number, name, and expiration date would be simpler) I will be more than happy to clean you out completely and leave you broke and homeless.

I hope all your prayers to God go unheard and that you are stricken with a terrible, fatal illness. Oh yeah, by the way, I'm an evil witch. I'm not joking, I have an entire web site about witchcraft. You are welcome to visit anytime, Everything Under the Moon. Please be sure to donate some money. There is a donation button on the bottom of the Spells page. I need all the money I can get because I don't bother to work, I just fuck around online all day. I have to run now, and go cast an evil spell on you. I've got some other people on my list too, like the guy in Chattanooga that shoved a gun in his girlfriend's ass and then pulled the trigger. I'm going to put a curse on him that will never expire. HE may expire, but even after death he is going to feel this curse. No, I don't know the guy, but I know he deserves this. I hate him and I'm going to get revenge on him since his girlfriend is now laid up in the hospital and can't get him back. Fucking bastard. Yes, I have a lot of hate in my heart, especially for men. Keep me in your prayers. I will certainly keep you in mine. I'm going to pray that all your teeth turn black and fall out (and that it is painful) and also that you get busted for sending out these idiotic emails and you go to prison and then I'll pray that you get fucked in the ass while in prison. I don't think you need to be in prison very long for a white collar crime like this, but it doesn't take very long to turn into a prison bitch.

Have a great day (not really, I hope you have a shitty day.)

Fuck you,
Heather
PS. DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE
DIE DIE!!!

For your reading pleasure, I will try to dig up some more of these delightful emails sometime soon (who really knows when - it was an accident when I ran across this one.) They are so inspiring and give so many people hope for their lives, that I would hate to deprive the world of them.