Concern over dating?

[Sakura Blossom]

It's been a long time since I've dated anyone and I'm just now starting to possibly see this guy. However, we're pretty different with our personal beliefs. I know that it can go either way: Be really, really good or really, really bad. I have a friend who is Jewish and his wife is Buddhist. So that worked, but then I had a friend who was very Christian and her ex had no religion at all and did not believe in anything.

So! I'm going to meet him soon, and we're going to just see how it goes. I just have a very strong concern that we're not going to get along well because of this. He's very open to other religions (he apparently tried out paganism and Wicca before coming back to Christianity later on), as am I, but I grew up in a.... Very Christian town, that was very conservative and would put you down if you dared believe something different. So, as you can imagine, I was left with a sour taste in my mouth. I understand not everyone is like this, but it's the mentality behind it.

Anyways! To make a long question short, have any of you dated/married someone of a very different faith than yours? And did it work out? Am I overreacting? I'd just love to hear others opinions of this. Thank you!

[creatrix]

Many of the people I have dated were not into what I am into. Many were Jewish or Agnostic. This wasn't a problem for me. I think if someone were Fundamentalist Christian that would definitely not work for me though. That is just me though. If they have any notion that anything I believe is "evil" I would not want to be close to them.

[Sakura Blossom]

That is very similar to my own belief. If they think what I work with or believe is wrong or "evil" then I won't get along with them nor would I want to be near them either. Both my past relationships were with someone of another faith, however it never got far enough for it to be an issue.

Thank you for your reply!

[Obsidian]

Hey we have the same avatar I think you should give him a chance and not tar everyone with the same brush.

No one's saying you have to talk about your spiritual beliefs on the first date or start making plans for how to integrate your lives. This is just a first date so maybe start about talking about 'safe' topics and see how it goes.

[Sakura Blossom]

Ha! We do. (: I thought I double posted for a second until I realized it was someone else.

Well, as I said, I'm not trying to and I don't really. Ha, ha. I'm best friends with a Catholic and a Christian, so I know that everyone's different. (: It's just a worry as I don't know him well enough yet, but I do want to give him a chance. It's just some of the things that were said that has me concerned more so than I would have been.

That's true. I did ask out front (we met on a dating site) if he was alright with it, because I do know some people are not alright with dating outside of their faith and he said it was okay. So we'll see.

[Xiao Rong]

He's very open to other religions (he apparently tried out paganism and Wicca before coming back to Christianity later on), as am I, but I grew up in a.... Very Christian town, that was very conservative and would put you down if you dared believe something different. So, as you can imagine, I was left with a sour taste in my mouth. I understand not everyone is like this, but it's the mentality behind it.

I hope that since he tried out paganism and Wicca, he'll understand why it appeals to people and know about its basic beliefs ... How serious is he about his Christianity, if I may ask?

have any of you dated/married someone of a very different faith than yours? And did it work out? Am I overreacting? I'd just love to hear others opinions of this. Thank you!

I don't think you're overreacting ... I totally understand being ... "guarded" about your spirituality. My boyfriend is an atheist - he's not one of the "religion is evil" types of atheist; he just doesn't really think about religion or the supernatural much at all. We've been together for 5 years, and around Year 3 I started very seriously exploring Paganism and Goddess spirituality. Even though I trust him more than anyone else I know, I still didn't tell him for around a year or more because I was afraid he'd think I was going crazy or that my spirituality was silly and "hippie". Fortunately, he's been very accepting and I've been getting more comfortable telling him about my practice (still only parts of it, not all the time), and he's actively encouraged me in getting involved in a coven and stuff, even if I know that spirituality and religion isn't something HE's interested in. But I was very, very scared to tell him at first, because it was so new to me as well and I wanted to make sure he knew I wasn't crazy.

I guess it's one of those things you just have to feel out for yourself ... I think honesty is good, but only as much as you're comfortable with. Some partners are really interested and want to know everything about your practice and beliefs; others might not be super interested but cool with letting you do your thing. But I would say it's a red flag for the relationship if the other person is trying to tell you your beliefs are wrong or get really angry if you mention your spirituality at all and you feel like you have to practice in secret.

[Sakura Blossom]

I very much appreciate your reply. (: I did some soul searching today and decided to listen to my intuition (which is usually spot on, in all honesty). I felt uncomfortable ignoring it to try it out, and there was just too much different with us, I decided to stop while we were ahead and insist we try to find someone else more suited to our tastes. I didn't enjoy how I was feeling while talking to him, so we went our separate ways.

[Obsidian]

There's plenty of fish in the sea. I wish you good luck fishing.

[Sakura Blossom]

Yes, that's very true! And thank you so much. (:

[Kat]

just to note something for next time. u don't have to speak about spirituality with a date. for marriage spirituality is an issue. at least this is the case in christian counties.

[MOTHERofDRAGONS]

Just thought I'd pipe in..
Now, my situation.. Is differentish. I used to be of the xtain faith, but I knew that I was different and I could not stop the obvious love for paganism, which accepted me whole heartedly.
My ex husband (wife beater, drug addict, liar, thief, hypocrit,..ect, ect was and is a xtain)
When I told him, only a few months ago that I was pagan, ( we were talking about our children, and the course of action to take with a xtain situation) and when I disagreed, he asked why, so I told him about my path (that had always been there, just laying beneath the surface). His exact words to me we're.." I don't think there's anything worse that you can possibly do to "his" God than that"..
(I'm thinking..well, asswipe, trying to kill your unborn baby is something YOU suggested to me, when you claimed to be 'pro-life" ) then.. All those horrible things he did to me came rushing back after I thought I moved past them, ..

Let's just say, making an , as xtains call it, " unequally yoked marriage" just doesn't work.

However, it depends on the person as well. I got a pig's ass for a husband.(true colors showed up after marriage, when we found out I was pregnant).. 9 months into the marriage.

Everyone is unique. Have a conversation about it early on. You will not waste time or emotions.

Good luck, sweetheart. I hope you find the right person for you!

Dark Blessings
)0(
MOTHERofDRAGONS

[Kat]

oh MOTHERofDRAGONS I'm rly sorry for what happened to u. u re right it depends on the person. i think the path is not an issue if the other is a dark lost soul -as i call it. at least those make us stronger.

[Sakura Blossom]

I'm very sorry. ):

Thank you for your input though! We didn't talk on the first date (didn't even go on one) but he was looking for long term, something that could turn into marriage and so I knew that it needed to be addressed right away about our different opinions. I actively practice this daily, it's a HUGE part of my life, and I knew that if I didn't say something, it would come out some how so it was better in this situation to just speak about it right up front to save hurt feelings later. That's my personal belief, so I do agree with you about that! I think its best to get it out in the open right away, to know what you're getting going in. (:

Thank you for your input, I appreciate it all. (: