please please everyone send me some healing helpful energies
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[echolady]
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:40 pm
wow jcrowfoot, that is scary. I gotta say it's childhood where this has to start and it's amazing to me that more people don't find help for their kids. I guess nobody wants to believe their child is "that bad ", until it's to late.
His problems started very early, from what we know (his adopitive mom tells us very little and sometime sher story changes , seems to be some secracy around it ) he was taken from his mom when he was between the ages of 2-4 by the state, she was a prostitute. he had been through a whole lot before he got into the system and the sysstem messed him up worse. when his parents adopted him he had anger issues, would hide his food and random weird things. they did not consider getting him ( other than for adhd, wich they just put him on ritalin ) counseling until he had a pyschotic episode ( somewhere around 7 i think ) from watching the last unicorn of all movies something about the animation triggered it they said.
as a teenager there were gangs and drugs, he stole from them ect. their idea of help was to not let him be inside the house alone ( when they left for work or anywhere he was locked on the porch with a phone a soda and a portable tv (no bathroom, thire are some nasty stories about that ),as he might misbehave or steal. they admittedly only sent him to get help that the state would pay for ( wich wasn't much they were an upper middle class family ) mostly consisting of mhrc, and school therapsits things like that, and when he would get introuble with the law i think sometimes he would serve his time in mental facilities. he has nightmares about those places, he talks in his sleep about being a young teenager strapped to a table for "his safety " wetting himself ect. and being left like for long periods of time to eventually be "changed by an adult.
I'm under the impression from knowing his parents and peices of things i have put together that his father was a highstandards overbearing type while his mother is very wishy washy. I think most of his small mis-beahviors were ignored and then once he did something big the punishment was severe, wich teaches a child little i think but just makes them angry. how can one know where his boundaries are if they are not tought until they have not only stepped over them , but run a mile past them?
His parents remain this way now, there was a time when he was homeless he asked if he could stay with them was told no, he slept on the porch that night, his father called the police in the morning and had him run off. but then they will take him out to a fancy lunch a week later.
unfortunatly he is an adult now. he has to grow up , get help and move on. but he can't or wont. he tells me all the time he has "abandonment fears that cause most of his anger, because his birth mother abandoned him. I was supportive about it for a long time but at this point i have gotten mean, i have gone so far as to tell him he is 29 years old and it is time to get over it.
I do know their are police that care. unfortunatly laws are so backward still it's hard for them to do anything. I have to have marks, i have to have m,arks they can't write off as anything else, the only time i called the police he had reaptedly shoved me into gravel, screamed and screamed outside in our large apt. community, stolen my cell phone and wallet and about $20. I had some small marks from the gravel so he told me he could do nothing about that or the wallet, that i could report the cell phone but they wouldn't be actively looking for him and i would probably be better off buying a new one and just moving on.
my story is so long and painful. There was a time when we were so desparately in love. Maybe that should have been a clue, but i was 17, fresh out of another similar relationship and so lonely. He introduce me to all these older kids and they actually enjoyed my company, some of them i still know today.
it still saddens me to know that if only he could pull himself together and get help, we could have been great. he is so intelligent and in many ways we still share the same ecclectic view of the world. but i guess there are more fish in the sea,maybe even nice ones.
i guess their are no rituals and spells for fixing this , for making it easier. I guess i just have to feel this and move on. sometimes I wish he would take interest in another and run off, atleast give him someone to latch onto instead of me, but he doesn't. sometimes i think of telling him i'm a lesbian, god knows he accused me of it for years ( i am bisexual), but then again thats a 50/50 chance of him being blown away and just retreating to his hole or really laying it on me for not telling him sooner or something.
well i have unloaded enough for one evening, time for bed.
thank u all so much for your thoughts and energy, for what u have shared with me and your support. it really does mean the world to me. it's funny i think i have about 60 friends on myspace, but not a one of them has dealt with this rationally, or acted like it wasn't something i couldn't just walk away from. they seem to think he's faking that i'm being rediculous for thinking i'm in danger if i leave.
thank u all it has been a long time since i have really had support.
echolady
His problems started very early, from what we know (his adopitive mom tells us very little and sometime sher story changes , seems to be some secracy around it ) he was taken from his mom when he was between the ages of 2-4 by the state, she was a prostitute. he had been through a whole lot before he got into the system and the sysstem messed him up worse. when his parents adopted him he had anger issues, would hide his food and random weird things. they did not consider getting him ( other than for adhd, wich they just put him on ritalin ) counseling until he had a pyschotic episode ( somewhere around 7 i think ) from watching the last unicorn of all movies something about the animation triggered it they said.
as a teenager there were gangs and drugs, he stole from them ect. their idea of help was to not let him be inside the house alone ( when they left for work or anywhere he was locked on the porch with a phone a soda and a portable tv (no bathroom, thire are some nasty stories about that ),as he might misbehave or steal. they admittedly only sent him to get help that the state would pay for ( wich wasn't much they were an upper middle class family ) mostly consisting of mhrc, and school therapsits things like that, and when he would get introuble with the law i think sometimes he would serve his time in mental facilities. he has nightmares about those places, he talks in his sleep about being a young teenager strapped to a table for "his safety " wetting himself ect. and being left like for long periods of time to eventually be "changed by an adult.
I'm under the impression from knowing his parents and peices of things i have put together that his father was a highstandards overbearing type while his mother is very wishy washy. I think most of his small mis-beahviors were ignored and then once he did something big the punishment was severe, wich teaches a child little i think but just makes them angry. how can one know where his boundaries are if they are not tought until they have not only stepped over them , but run a mile past them?
His parents remain this way now, there was a time when he was homeless he asked if he could stay with them was told no, he slept on the porch that night, his father called the police in the morning and had him run off. but then they will take him out to a fancy lunch a week later.
unfortunatly he is an adult now. he has to grow up , get help and move on. but he can't or wont. he tells me all the time he has "abandonment fears that cause most of his anger, because his birth mother abandoned him. I was supportive about it for a long time but at this point i have gotten mean, i have gone so far as to tell him he is 29 years old and it is time to get over it.
I do know their are police that care. unfortunatly laws are so backward still it's hard for them to do anything. I have to have marks, i have to have m,arks they can't write off as anything else, the only time i called the police he had reaptedly shoved me into gravel, screamed and screamed outside in our large apt. community, stolen my cell phone and wallet and about $20. I had some small marks from the gravel so he told me he could do nothing about that or the wallet, that i could report the cell phone but they wouldn't be actively looking for him and i would probably be better off buying a new one and just moving on.
my story is so long and painful. There was a time when we were so desparately in love. Maybe that should have been a clue, but i was 17, fresh out of another similar relationship and so lonely. He introduce me to all these older kids and they actually enjoyed my company, some of them i still know today.
it still saddens me to know that if only he could pull himself together and get help, we could have been great. he is so intelligent and in many ways we still share the same ecclectic view of the world. but i guess there are more fish in the sea,maybe even nice ones.
i guess their are no rituals and spells for fixing this , for making it easier. I guess i just have to feel this and move on. sometimes I wish he would take interest in another and run off, atleast give him someone to latch onto instead of me, but he doesn't. sometimes i think of telling him i'm a lesbian, god knows he accused me of it for years ( i am bisexual), but then again thats a 50/50 chance of him being blown away and just retreating to his hole or really laying it on me for not telling him sooner or something.
well i have unloaded enough for one evening, time for bed.
thank u all so much for your thoughts and energy, for what u have shared with me and your support. it really does mean the world to me. it's funny i think i have about 60 friends on myspace, but not a one of them has dealt with this rationally, or acted like it wasn't something i couldn't just walk away from. they seem to think he's faking that i'm being rediculous for thinking i'm in danger if i leave.
thank u all it has been a long time since i have really had support.
echolady
I am not surprised at his damage and his past.There are two victims in any abusive love relationship. To quote Neitsche ' there is no beast without cruelty' This does not justify the continuation of the cycle of abuse.That is why I put up information in regards to the psychology of abuse,how often the abuser and abusee are victims of their own pasts too. You must leave and soon.It is far more dangerous for the abused partner once they have indicated an unwillingness to stay - the abuser will panic and it inevitably leads to crisis behaviour, which means danger for you. You can't afford to care about him,at this time.People can change,but no one else can do it for them.Sometimes the damage is too great to return from -either way,don't fall into the 'pity trap'-it's another means of control 'poor me -you make me a better person,I need you,I 'm lost without you,I 'll change for you ,help me' I 've lost count of the times I fell for this,but I have scars for each time,shortly afterwards the anger at having to say that/make effort/lie - to get you back,wells up into rage - it's never their fault - it's always 'if you hadn't caused all this fuss, or,why do you have to wind me up or you MAKE me do this' and so it continues.Please don't become another statistic. You can get help and support,some of the resources are survivor support groups,there is a lot of help out there - but first you have to get away,to be safe. You will have to deal with the effects of this and past situations, work it out in your mind and get closure to move on and be happy in the future -this takes time and time to recover is the second most important part.The primary part right now,is getting to a safe place ,to breathe again without fear. I 'm probably repeating myself,if so sorry, but you need to get to a place of safety soon.
I have been met with the most astounding attitudes by those who know little of the realities,here in the west of Scotland there is a prevailing attitude of 'well if a man hits a woman/child,she/he must have deserved it somehow,women/kids can be bitches/little shits' DUHHHH! Even now,this goes on. We need to educate the ignorant -it's the only way forward. End the conspiracy of silence and shame. I talk about it frequently,usually after some oick makes a poor taste joke - I had one in floods of tears,recently by the time I finished, I only asked him what on Earth my three yr old had done to deserve seeing her mother have her unborn sister/brother kicked out in front of her.Was it funny that she still has flashbacks and nightmares about it,7 yrs later? Simple question. Funnily enough he couldn't answer it.Oh well. [by the way,my ex never laid a finger on my kid,I fought him to protect her,I 'd have died to do so and nearly did,couldn't save the baby tho'- he has that on his conscience and it is part of his curse, I made sure of it] I digress here,but I am not looking for sympathy - I tend to go for the straight out with it approach,it shocks people but they need to be shocked - into action and to understand.
I have been met with the most astounding attitudes by those who know little of the realities,here in the west of Scotland there is a prevailing attitude of 'well if a man hits a woman/child,she/he must have deserved it somehow,women/kids can be bitches/little shits' DUHHHH! Even now,this goes on. We need to educate the ignorant -it's the only way forward. End the conspiracy of silence and shame. I talk about it frequently,usually after some oick makes a poor taste joke - I had one in floods of tears,recently by the time I finished, I only asked him what on Earth my three yr old had done to deserve seeing her mother have her unborn sister/brother kicked out in front of her.Was it funny that she still has flashbacks and nightmares about it,7 yrs later? Simple question. Funnily enough he couldn't answer it.Oh well. [by the way,my ex never laid a finger on my kid,I fought him to protect her,I 'd have died to do so and nearly did,couldn't save the baby tho'- he has that on his conscience and it is part of his curse, I made sure of it] I digress here,but I am not looking for sympathy - I tend to go for the straight out with it approach,it shocks people but they need to be shocked - into action and to understand.
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[echolady]
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:40 pm
wow eretik, i can't imagine. I don't have children ( thank the gods) i have been on birth control since i was old enough. I'm pretty sure i would have had an abortion had it failed. Going even beyond the abuse he already has a child with someone else and that poor child was bron with congeital cataracts and had to have major eye surgery before he was 5, he also is showing many signs of the anger management ( i'll call them that since were talking about a child ) issues his father has, hopefully though his mother will be more vigilant and get him the help he needs before the son becomes the father so to speak.
The attitude where i live about abuse is funny. Everybody here seems to think it is very wrong for a man to touch a woman/child but it seems everyone does it. I can name 3 woman who have been affected in the last month, 2 of thos women are still in and think they are doing just fine, that they need to learn how to handle their man better. Those 2 are the worst cases. one of them recently admitted to me that her guy had this last year broken her rib amoung other injuries , and many scary incidents. she almost talks about it proadly cause she has : "learned how to handle him, and he hasn't assaulted her in awile ". That is the scaryiest thing i have ever seen. My bf himself has threatened many a man for hitting his girl, but he comes home and does the same ? he seems to think he is different somehow ?
This is the hard part for me the waiting, cause i always lose my nerve. I need things to happen fast and this just can't, it's to dangereous.
Think i'll do some research in a little while and see if i can find a spell that will help me maintain resolve and one to see things clearly for when i'm not.
I was reading about "love addiction " on one of those pages. That was some interesting stuff cause it describes him soooooo much. Amoung his other problems, this fits him well. He always is telling me he needs me on my A-game in the bedroom because he needs to feel loved.
Yuck i am sick today, think i'm going to shower and lie down . i'm allergic to pollen and dust and it seems i have caught hayfever late this year. grrr he just called and bitched me out.he wants me to come over, i had suggested today we do some laundry and walk 3 blocks over 2 the art mueseum while the laundry was at the laundry mat. i must play nice till i get myself together right now.he wants me to ride a bike 2 miles over to his house cause he is waiting on his ffriend to show up and on his pot to arrive and it will be another 3 hours before he can get out here. the laundry mat and art muesium are by my house. i do not want to ride a bike, sick as i am specially 2 miles in the opposite direction because he has plans. lord knows he refuse to ride his bike 2 or from my house at this hour because of the heat. he told me i was lazy just now. i hung up on him.
thank u all again.
echolady
The attitude where i live about abuse is funny. Everybody here seems to think it is very wrong for a man to touch a woman/child but it seems everyone does it. I can name 3 woman who have been affected in the last month, 2 of thos women are still in and think they are doing just fine, that they need to learn how to handle their man better. Those 2 are the worst cases. one of them recently admitted to me that her guy had this last year broken her rib amoung other injuries , and many scary incidents. she almost talks about it proadly cause she has : "learned how to handle him, and he hasn't assaulted her in awile ". That is the scaryiest thing i have ever seen. My bf himself has threatened many a man for hitting his girl, but he comes home and does the same ? he seems to think he is different somehow ?
This is the hard part for me the waiting, cause i always lose my nerve. I need things to happen fast and this just can't, it's to dangereous.
Think i'll do some research in a little while and see if i can find a spell that will help me maintain resolve and one to see things clearly for when i'm not.
I was reading about "love addiction " on one of those pages. That was some interesting stuff cause it describes him soooooo much. Amoung his other problems, this fits him well. He always is telling me he needs me on my A-game in the bedroom because he needs to feel loved.
Yuck i am sick today, think i'm going to shower and lie down . i'm allergic to pollen and dust and it seems i have caught hayfever late this year. grrr he just called and bitched me out.he wants me to come over, i had suggested today we do some laundry and walk 3 blocks over 2 the art mueseum while the laundry was at the laundry mat. i must play nice till i get myself together right now.he wants me to ride a bike 2 miles over to his house cause he is waiting on his ffriend to show up and on his pot to arrive and it will be another 3 hours before he can get out here. the laundry mat and art muesium are by my house. i do not want to ride a bike, sick as i am specially 2 miles in the opposite direction because he has plans. lord knows he refuse to ride his bike 2 or from my house at this hour because of the heat. he told me i was lazy just now. i hung up on him.
thank u all again.
echolady
Curious, pedal or motor bike? [I used to have a mo.bike] You have to be as 'normal' as you can,while staying as safe as you can.Willpower and determination time,can you set a day/night for leaving? Try and get him distracted or out of it long enough to ensure enough time to go,that friend to expect you that day too,tell your friend your plans/mode of transport/time of leaving etc. Set a day for going and do your best to be sneaky about it -can you pack a bag or leave a travel kit in a locker at a bus/train station? [if he looks through your stuff -many do, this is a way to get past that, keep ticket safe tho'] Make your plan now.More later Geri.
Don't get too caught up in his past. It's the end result you have to deal with now, and frankly, you need to think like "secret agent lady" to get out a there. A friend of mine had to do a variation on what you are doing, and she took the ticket and safety pinned it to the inside of her bra. Or, you can get those travel bags that fit under coats, they are a shoulder strap with a bag in the armpit... sometimes you can find them small enough that you could wear it under your clothes. That way, well... if he goes through your stuff, just make sure to sleep with it on.
Just get out of there. Make a plan, tell a friend what you are doing, but be sure that this friend WON'T tell this guy. If you don't know if they will or not, then don't tell them. Because ANYONE who helps this guy is damaging to you directly.
Just get out of there. Make a plan, tell a friend what you are doing, but be sure that this friend WON'T tell this guy. If you don't know if they will or not, then don't tell them. Because ANYONE who helps this guy is damaging to you directly.
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[echolady]
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:40 pm
to answer u eretk pedal bike. no liscence to speak of and here in the grand ol us if it goes fatser than 20mph i think u have to have a DL. i'm glad u understand about the being normal part, people always ask me why i bother being nice if i plan on leaving him. people just don't get it. fortunatly for me i do have my own place now so it is easier to hide things.
My half made plan at this point is to get my FL then my truck ( shouldn't take to long i hope ) do some research, sock a little money a couple of days before i go i will get another storage unit ( i'm ditching the one i currently have because of bills right now ) for my stuff,. I haven't figured out where to put my kittys yet ( i have 5 ) i think my parents might take a couple but i am trying not to involve them. also in the pat when my mother has so graciously watched my cats she has tried to find homes to give them to, although as of yet she hasn't given any away that i didn't tell her she could , there have been a few instances where she was cat sitting and she tried to slick ( i don't know how she thought she was being slick ?) that she found a home for such and such kitty with so and so if that was alright....
these cats are my children, my comfort . i am already having to leav 4 of 9 behind with him that kills me. all of my cats were rescued from neglect or where strays, or where born in my home, i helped deliver dozens of kittens cut their sacks and cords. 2 i have right now i rescussitated at birth, they drowned in there sacks.
i will have to find a temp home as i'm pretty sure nowhere will let me get an apt. without me having a job in the area first. hotels have weekly rates though.
i'm a little dissapointed. i talked to my friend last night over the messnger ( he currently is without phone ), i explained the situation to him and that i felt like it was best for me to move, asked if he would like to join me ? he didn't really say anything so i asked what my chances were of getting him to come along he said " it's not hopeless ", not the answer i was exspecting or hoping for .
i hate this, i really hate this, i wish i could find a way to not have to move and not have to call the cops every 10 min if i leave him. I wish, i wish , i wish.
jcrow foot hiding anything in my bra wouldn't make it safe from him LOL! This is my personal pc and i have mutiple email accounts, some he knows about some he doesn't. he doesn't have the password to any of them. I store lots of stuff in there , also i find hiding things right in front of him keeps him from finding them oddly enough.
telling my friends aside from 2 of them and only one of them is great at keeping their mouths shut does no good. My best friend ( well she used to be ) tells her bf everything we talk about and he in turn goes and tells my bf! i have caught him red handed and confronted him and his gal about it and he said he didn't do it and gave some lame excuses i very easily shot down, but i still remember her telling me : "see i told u he didn't do it, i knew there must be some mistake" when at the end of it all his only response after all excuses where shot down was " well i don't know what happened but i know i didn't tell him "
i might end up doing this entirely on my own, that stinks. i'm sleepy and should prolly stop typing, i'm on heavy cold meds, they make me ramble.
tahnk u all a thouhsand times.
My half made plan at this point is to get my FL then my truck ( shouldn't take to long i hope ) do some research, sock a little money a couple of days before i go i will get another storage unit ( i'm ditching the one i currently have because of bills right now ) for my stuff,. I haven't figured out where to put my kittys yet ( i have 5 ) i think my parents might take a couple but i am trying not to involve them. also in the pat when my mother has so graciously watched my cats she has tried to find homes to give them to, although as of yet she hasn't given any away that i didn't tell her she could , there have been a few instances where she was cat sitting and she tried to slick ( i don't know how she thought she was being slick ?) that she found a home for such and such kitty with so and so if that was alright....
these cats are my children, my comfort . i am already having to leav 4 of 9 behind with him that kills me. all of my cats were rescued from neglect or where strays, or where born in my home, i helped deliver dozens of kittens cut their sacks and cords. 2 i have right now i rescussitated at birth, they drowned in there sacks.
i will have to find a temp home as i'm pretty sure nowhere will let me get an apt. without me having a job in the area first. hotels have weekly rates though.
i'm a little dissapointed. i talked to my friend last night over the messnger ( he currently is without phone ), i explained the situation to him and that i felt like it was best for me to move, asked if he would like to join me ? he didn't really say anything so i asked what my chances were of getting him to come along he said " it's not hopeless ", not the answer i was exspecting or hoping for .
i hate this, i really hate this, i wish i could find a way to not have to move and not have to call the cops every 10 min if i leave him. I wish, i wish , i wish.
jcrow foot hiding anything in my bra wouldn't make it safe from him LOL! This is my personal pc and i have mutiple email accounts, some he knows about some he doesn't. he doesn't have the password to any of them. I store lots of stuff in there , also i find hiding things right in front of him keeps him from finding them oddly enough.
telling my friends aside from 2 of them and only one of them is great at keeping their mouths shut does no good. My best friend ( well she used to be ) tells her bf everything we talk about and he in turn goes and tells my bf! i have caught him red handed and confronted him and his gal about it and he said he didn't do it and gave some lame excuses i very easily shot down, but i still remember her telling me : "see i told u he didn't do it, i knew there must be some mistake" when at the end of it all his only response after all excuses where shot down was " well i don't know what happened but i know i didn't tell him "
i might end up doing this entirely on my own, that stinks. i'm sleepy and should prolly stop typing, i'm on heavy cold meds, they make me ramble.
tahnk u all a thouhsand times.
I understand all the problems. My mother took my cat while I was in refuge,but only after I had to threaten her with my complete withdrawal from her life,if she didn't.[I was the only family member who cared for her,left ]I had to call it like that - or I'd have lost my cat who was very special to me.I rescued her. [ I've done kitten midwife in the past too.] I got my dog to the police station,she was accepted later for guide dog training [she was a pup still and I 'd trained her to hand signals - she was very sensitive and responsive] I followed it up.It made me feel better that she was happy. Being 'normal' is very important,he will notice unusual behaviour,nervousness etc. You need to play clever with him,I know it's hard: but not harder than the alternative.It is best to keep your plan known by as few people as possible,less that can go wrong that way. I didn't tell anyone - but I still got caught out by circumstance.Be careful. If your friend [it's not hopeless -how unhelpfully cryptic!] won't commit then you must do it without him. I'd contact him one more time -but be blunt -'now or never,whatever.' You may need to risk 'mum' rehousing cats,if you can't find alternatives -don't delay too long in sorting things -you need to go while the getting is good,while you have the impetus.More later.Still thinking of you.Geri.
Apologies for the late reply, I've had computer trouble lately.. I just wanted to drop by quickly whilst my computer's not playing up and let you know that I'm thinking of you - and sending you all the energy I can.
The only advice I could offer would be echoing Geri / JCrowfoot / other posters' advice.. So, all I can say is, stay strong in your resolve and will - don't let him break you or deceive you into staying.. God knows he'll try, but like everyone's said - Just go, don't look back and don't regret it. I can only imagine how difficult your situation must be and how you feel right now, but know that everyone here is willing the best for you - stay strong.
Thinking of you and devoting every last drop of energy I can to keep you strong. Good luck..
Elem
The only advice I could offer would be echoing Geri / JCrowfoot / other posters' advice.. So, all I can say is, stay strong in your resolve and will - don't let him break you or deceive you into staying.. God knows he'll try, but like everyone's said - Just go, don't look back and don't regret it. I can only imagine how difficult your situation must be and how you feel right now, but know that everyone here is willing the best for you - stay strong.
Thinking of you and devoting every last drop of energy I can to keep you strong. Good luck..
Elem
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[echolady]
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:40 pm
"it's not hopless" is dreadfully cryptic eretik! arg, i had hoped for some help, this is scary stuuf i have only ever once lived out of this city and it was for 3 months somewhere 2 hours away from here lol! after 3 months i was done and i had friends there.
living in my own place helps gives me resolve, i don't think i'll los3e it anytime soon. Helps me have perspective and time away from hoovering from him. It's going to take a minute as i don't have the means to move anywhere. I might end up trying to rely on the police after all, as i don't see his tantrums staying dormit very long.
On the other hand my friend did offer to throw bf into the river for me lol. I told him he does me no good in jail. but atleast if i can't gt outta here by dec. i will have a police trail by then and a man staying with me who's willing to look after me as my friend is still very willing to come stay with me here.
thank u elm, better late than never as the saying goes, i really appreciate everyone here keeping me in there thoughts and sending me good energy, it means alot.
very sick today, so i'm going to go lay down.
thank u all again.
living in my own place helps gives me resolve, i don't think i'll los3e it anytime soon. Helps me have perspective and time away from hoovering from him. It's going to take a minute as i don't have the means to move anywhere. I might end up trying to rely on the police after all, as i don't see his tantrums staying dormit very long.
On the other hand my friend did offer to throw bf into the river for me lol. I told him he does me no good in jail. but atleast if i can't gt outta here by dec. i will have a police trail by then and a man staying with me who's willing to look after me as my friend is still very willing to come stay with me here.
thank u elm, better late than never as the saying goes, i really appreciate everyone here keeping me in there thoughts and sending me good energy, it means alot.
very sick today, so i'm going to go lay down.
thank u all again.