This is a poem that I wrote about my father, who is dead now. He died in July of '05. He was a drunk and a cowboy. A wanderer. Never stuck around one place for long. Despite all that, he did love me the best he could. He just wasn't able to let himself believe that I loved him.
"Only Gods Will Rise From the Dead"
I hated you
But I loved you
and you NEVER knew
that I really never did
ever HATE you.
I loved you
so much
How could I not?
You were my
emotional wreck.
You were unloved
by so many
Tossed aside.
I didn't throw
You away
You slipped through
My fingers like
water that I couldn't
hold on to
even if it could have saved your life.
And you're gone
And I'm not
But what can I do?
I never told you
That I didn't hate you.
A/N: Yeah, I'm putting this on myspace too. Remember: I LOVE constructive criticism!
Only Gods Will Rise From the Dead
-
- Posts: 165
- Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2008 5:17 am
- Gender: Female
- Location: on the road to enlightenment...
I like the word pattern a lot. It just fits the poem very nicely somehow.
When I read it, I sort of feel sad. I don't know how to describe it, but it's not a regular sadness. It's like a... "What could have been" sadness.
Really, I don't think any poem with a deep meaning is bad. I honestly don't. Criticizing a poem from the soul is like telling a beautiful rose that it looks like dog poop - You know you are lying while doing it, and it's pointless because the flower can't listen back.
Anyways, I love the poem. I think it really tells how the inner you feels about the loss of your dad. I think it's beautiful; keep up the good work!
When I read it, I sort of feel sad. I don't know how to describe it, but it's not a regular sadness. It's like a... "What could have been" sadness.
Really, I don't think any poem with a deep meaning is bad. I honestly don't. Criticizing a poem from the soul is like telling a beautiful rose that it looks like dog poop - You know you are lying while doing it, and it's pointless because the flower can't listen back.
Anyways, I love the poem. I think it really tells how the inner you feels about the loss of your dad. I think it's beautiful; keep up the good work!
-Seeker Gray-
"Intolerance is evidence of impotence."
Aleister Crowley
"Intolerance is evidence of impotence."
Aleister Crowley
Thanks
That "what could have been" sadness is exactly what I felt when I wrote it. I just didn't know how to put that.
I'm glad I was able to convey that through this poem. It really helped me deal with what I felt at the moment. (Not that I don't still feel it a little, I don't think that will ever go away)
That "what could have been" sadness is exactly what I felt when I wrote it. I just didn't know how to put that.
I'm glad I was able to convey that through this poem. It really helped me deal with what I felt at the moment. (Not that I don't still feel it a little, I don't think that will ever go away)
-
- Posts: 165
- Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2008 5:17 am
- Gender: Female
- Location: on the road to enlightenment...
Oh, I would never expect it to ever go away... The pain of death affects everyone, and it always lingers, even if you do not realize it.
I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm glad you are doing better. My blessings go out to you and anyone else affected by this.
I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm glad you are doing better. My blessings go out to you and anyone else affected by this.
-Seeker Gray-
"Intolerance is evidence of impotence."
Aleister Crowley
"Intolerance is evidence of impotence."
Aleister Crowley
-
- Posts: 165
- Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2008 5:17 am
- Gender: Female
- Location: on the road to enlightenment...
Oh, no problem. I can sort of understand what you are going through. You can talk to me whenever you would like; my msn is...Suppose; wrote:Thanks
That really means a lot.
SeekerGray@hotmail.com
-Seeker Gray-
"Intolerance is evidence of impotence."
Aleister Crowley
"Intolerance is evidence of impotence."
Aleister Crowley