I have a few complicating problems...

Post by **MorningFate** » Wed Jul 16, 2008 12:06 pm

Okay, so some things have happened since I was last on here. I found out about 2 months ago that I am pregnant. Yes, it is a young pregnancy. I am only 17. My main problem here lately is the "baby's daddy". His name is Ryan. When I first found out that I was pregnant I did not want to tell him. First off because I didn't really think that he would be there. I grew up with a father that was always running in and out of my life whenever he pleased. If anyone has ever had a father like that then they know how it feels, and it is horrible. I would rather my child not have a father than know that he only lives 30 minutes away and doesn't care enough to come see his kids, and I had a feeling that Ryan would be that way with my child. Well, my family talked me into telling him. After the shock, he was excited for about the first 2 weeks, then he disapeared. I have talked to him 3 times in the past month and a half. Now there are rumors going around his family, and getting to my family having something to do with DNA testing, court, and if it turns out his then custody. Now I really regret ever telling him that I was pregnant, because I knew that there was going to be drama. When I told him I was pregnant I gave him the choice of being in the child's life or not. He chose to be there...

So...any advice on what I should do? I am so confused with everything right now...

Post by **stormer89** » Wed Jul 16, 2008 1:41 pm

one of my friends is going through almost exactally the same situation.
she just found out for sure she was pregnant and she's 17. her baby's daddy isnt even admitting its his. ive never been in this situation myself, but if you ever need to talk im all ears. i wish the best for you and your baby. blessed be.

Post by **MorningFate** » Wed Jul 16, 2008 5:37 pm

Thank you very much

RainWizard · Post by **RainWizard** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 6:02 pm

Im not gonna baby u i'll tell it to u like it is... u f*cked up. Sad thing is the one who's really gotta pay for it is that little baby. When r u kids gonna get it through your f*cking heads, esp u young ladies, that if yer gonna do the deed u gotta use f*cking birth control. I know its not totally all yer fault but what u must realize is that u were ultimately the one in control here. Now u and your child must bear the brunt. Maybe if u kept yer f*cking legs closed and acted like a lady, a real young woman, u wouldn't have had this little problem now would u? Sorry. I know that was a little harsh but thats what anybody with a lick of sense is gonna tell u.

Post by **MorningFate** » Mon Jul 21, 2008 12:15 am

I know I messed up. And about the birth control thing, if my mother would have taken me back up to the clinic like she said she was going to do, then I would have gotten my birth control refilled. I know it's going to be hard on the kid. I have thought about all of these things already. I wasn't asking to be babied, and I wasn't asking what I am doing wrong with my life. I know I messed up, but it's not like I'm going to throw myself down a flight of stairs to try and fix it where it will all go back to the way that it was. Stuff happens, no matter what. Whether or not I was acting like "a real young woman." I'm a strong believer in the phrase "everything happens for a reason." I wasn't trying to get pregnant, but it happened. People make mistakes, but to get judged for them is just not right. So I had sex, so I got pregnant, does that technically make me a slut?

Post by **mysticfyrefly** » Mon Jul 21, 2008 4:47 pm

I've been in this situation myself I too was just barely 17 when i got pregnant. Don't be so hard on yourself your not a slut things happen and there are lots of girls in the same situation. Have you thought of your options here.. you have some and either way I don't feel you would be wrong choosing any of them. Being a single mom doesn't make you a slut, having an abortion in my eyes does not make you evil, Giving a child up for adoption to good parents doesn't mean your abondoning only thinking of whats best for the kid all of these choices are there for to choose which path is the right one for you.. my son is now 13 years old I chose to keep my son most of my family tried to force me into an abortion my father didn't speak to me at all for at least 8 months of the pregnancy.. I ended up staying with the babys father although he threw me out when i was 3 months along he came back begging for my forgiveness I ended up marrying the jerk which was a huge mistake in some ways because he was abusive i finally divorced him and now am single he's changed some over the years and is involved with both his sons ( I later had another son with him) for a long time he rarely called and did anything either way I don't regret my decision for a min... I do know though if I hadn't made this decision my life would have been very different. Its all about thinking about the pros and cons... If you choose to have the baby think about what is best for the kid. I know that honestly having a father who is involved is a good thing even if your not together with him. I can tell you from experience all in all it is very hard doing it on your own but it very well can be done I'm doing it now. Even though he says he will be involved you gotta picture yourself doing it alone he is young after all and your the one that will be truly there for the child your the one carrying the baby. Life isn't easy and I do give up allot especially some freedom and well all in all my life revolves completely around what is best for them its allot to think about and I wish ya the best with everything if you ever need to talk don't hesitate to message me anytime.

RainWizard · Post by **RainWizard** » Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:41 am

I feel for u morning fate i really do.. and I am truly sorry u r having troubles.. I come from an area where there alot of teen pregnancies and such.. I'm talkin middle school here like 12 yrs old. But u seem like you've got a pretty good head on and know I dont think u're a slut hun. Sorry if I was a little abrasive.. I can be pretty blunt and opinionated at times and for that I'm sorry. The important thing is that the child is well cared for and I think u can take care of that just fine.. And if whats his face doesn't wanna pay up u take that sorry son of a bitch for everything u can get! Sounds like Mr Man needs a good ass kicking if u ask me. Dont back down! Do what u must.. again I hope all is well. I know its gotta be hard but I can only imagine.. Best of luck sincerely to u and your child. May the Lord and Lady watch over u both and see u thru it all.

Post by **Starwitch** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 11:04 pm

Rainwizard, you might want to work on your love and acceptance skills. Your posts are pretty drastic. I was looking you up to see if you were mature enough to be a moderator here. I think I'll wait on that after reading "keep your f*cking legs closed" to a poor young girl who is suffering and afraid.

MorningFate, I got pregnant at 17 too. So did my best friend. Thanks to the movie, "Fast Times at Ridgemont High", abortion was much more widely accepted back then than it is now. We both chose not to carry the pregnancy to term. I can tell you that the only time I ever regretted the decision (so far) was when I did a short stint as a Christian and the church convinced me that I had done something wrong so I begged for forgiveness from God. But I see now that that was just religious conditioning.

I recently read in a spiritual book that the spirit world knows whether you will carry a pregnancy to term or not. (They know everything.) If you are not going to keep the baby due to miscarriage, abortion, or other complications, a soul is not usually assigned to that baby (there are times when a soul is assigned to a baby such as this, but the soul knows that the baby won't be born. The soul is there to comfort the baby.) A mother can usually tell whether there is a soul already attached to the child. If you feel as though you should keep the baby, that means there is already a soul assigned to the child and she is probably sending you messages to let you know that she is there. (There are ways to communicate with the spirit of your unborn child. Contact me if you're interested.) If, like me, you don't feel any conflict about the situation... that is, you are able to terminate the pregnancy without guilt, that means that there is not a soul assigned to the baby. The abortion or miscarriage itself was the learning experience that the woman and man chose to experience as souls. There are many reasons a soul would choose to have an experience like that but this post is long enough without me getting into those.

The 23 year old MAN who got me pregnant was my boyfriend of two years, Dean. He was very abusive and I believe he got me pregnant on purpose so he could keep me under his control. He wasn't counting on my outsmarting him and not keeping the baby.

Six months after that incident, he was on another one of his crack-binges (did I mention he was a crack addict?) and drug dealers were calling him and threatening to kill him (because he didn't pay them), so he left my hometown (thank you GOD!) and went back to his hometown in Baltimore.

A couple of weeks later, he murdered the man he was staying with. He stabbed him 10 times, killing him. I spoke to him on the phone after the first stab but before the final ones. Weird situation. I don't think I've ever mentioned it on the site before. He turned himself in the next day and has been in prison for the past 13 years.

His parole date is March 2010 and I can't say that I'm happy about his getting out (not that he will be released, it's just a parole hearing, but he has served half of his sentence already, so it is likely they will release him.)

Do you know what I could look forward to had I had a child with this man? I could look forward to having this man in my life for the rest of my life because we would have a child together. I agree that things happen for a reason. Sometimes abortion happens for a reason too. A GOOD reason! I am so glad that I didn't have a child with him. This guy was a total freak, in more ways than one!

Sorry to ramble on about my own problems. Back to you now.

I know you must feel frightened (unless you got pregnant on purpose, which isn't such a wild thought). NO, YOU ARE NOT A SLUT. You are a mother now. In the grownup world, "SLUT" doesn't have much meaning. Only when you're in school do people care about such trivial things. In the real world, you have relationship after relationship, and you generally sleep with everyone you date long-term. If you think of yourself as a slut, then that is what you'll be, but if you have self-respect and treat yourself with love and concern, everyone else will treat you that way too and you will be a better mother for it.

You know... now, before you have the baby, would be the best time to do self-development work. If you learn new life skills before the baby is born, your life will be so much easier for it later. The baby will benefit dramatically from such inner changes.

If you are interested in self-development and spiritual development you can PM me and I can help you along if you'd like. If you want to help yourself be a stronger, more self-sufficient person, a better mom, and have a closer relationship with your Higher Self/God/Goddess, I am willing to guide you in that direction. I would also like to see more people guiding their children in that direction.

Our world is at a crisis point and we need to not get so caught up in our daily struggles that we forget that none of us will survive at all if we don't help the planet. Also, if you focus more on things that are bigger than you (such as spirituality and helping the Earth), not only are you setting a good example for your child and raising a child who will be filled with love and compassion for others, but it will help you feel much happier and less stressed out because you won't be taking your own problems too seriously. Our own issues seem to fade away when we focus on something more important, something bigger than us. It makes life happier and easier.

Best wishes to you, whether I hear from you or not. I hope your baby brings you unending joy and fulfillment. I hope she (or he) is a little psychic, spiritual baby who brings enlightenment, love, and joy to everyone who meets her. Try to have that vision for your child and she will turn out to be very special indeed!

Bright Blessings,

Post by **Peregrine** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:56 pm

there are times when a soul is assigned to a baby such as this, but the soul knows that the baby won't be born. The soul is there to comfort the baby.

As someone who went through what was diagnosed as a "complete spontaneous abortion" three years ago (summer 2005), this brought a few tears to my eyes. Perhaps this is why I could not bear the thought of a surgical abortion that next summer when I became pregnant again. Yes, my husband asked me the second time but I broke out into tears. Two days after the CEO at my company learned I was pregnant, he fired me because he is a bigoted creep and gave in to pressures from two other girls in my department who "put out" for him like good little dirty girls. He had his regrets ever since, which serves him right, but I digress.

Back to the young woman feeling troubled...

As for the harsh comments addressed earlier in the thread, I recall a commentary I read in the newspaper years ago when I was still going to church. I gave it to the preacher, he smiled as he read it, and posted it on the church bulletin board. While this church was, and still is, very opposed to abortion, this commentary was loaded with wisdom. In a nutshell, the author pointed out how oftentimes whenever the debate over abortions and unexpected pregnancies are addressed, they are pointed at the mother. Rarely is the father's role addressed in these situations, and that whatever can be said from the pulpit at the mother has already gone through her mind many times. It is the last step in a series of troubles and abandonment, and to stop condemning the mother as she is already condemning herself.

I just thought I would mention it.

If you decide to carry the pregnancy to term, there are government programs that could help such as Medicaid and WIC, for prenatal care, nutritional counseling, and nutritional food (milk, cheese, eggs, juice, etc). It would not hurt to look into that. It's possible medicaid could also help once the baby is born, for baby vaccines, flu shots, and checkups. There is also something called the Beta Center, at least here where I live, that helps with things like baby clothes and stuff but I never used their service because it is for teenagers. I had a lot of hurt and anger over my situation and contacted one of those online pregancy counseling centers. I must say, they were good and they pointed me in a lot of good directions as to places that could help me.

Post by **Starwitch** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:21 pm

Thank you for sharing your story, Phorum Ghost. It's inspiring that you made the decision that was right for you and did not give into any outside pressures to do otherwise. I'm sorry you feel stressed about losing your job because of the pregnancy, but I have found that, in my life at least, things like that always happen for a reason and there is a lesson to be learned. So I hope that you someday are able to find the silver lining. It sounds like it was a stressful job for you, so maybe it would have affected the pregnancy in an adverse way had you remained an employee there. I hope everything went well (or is going well?) with your pregnancy and childbirth.

Thank you for posting the information on the resources available to teen mothers. I'm sure that will be helpful to MorningFate and many others.

Bright Blessings,

Post by **Peregrine** » Sat Aug 16, 2008 3:00 pm

Ah, yes. The pregnancy went well. She was born on March 1st of last year and her name is .

As for the job, no I do not miss that place. It was never a good place to work but every time I tried to leave, something kept holding me back. Ironically, when I needed the health insurance, he pulled that. He's got so much bad karma coming back though. I've heard his company is losing money in freefall because of the housing market in Florida, plus the gas prices do not help. The list goes on and I'm sure his troubles and bad karmas have only just begun to catch up with him.

I'm glad to try to help. I know her fear of the unplanned, very unexpected pregnancy and I was 39 years old at the time, plus I have a husband that was excited to have a baby even if it meant a bit of temporary financial hardship. He even keeps trying to talk me into another one but frankly we are too darned old. (He's 56 now and I am 41.)

Post by **JBRaven** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 10:09 am

The main thing to do is make your own choice Morning Fate, don't stress about it for this is a magical time for both you and your child to be. The stress is really not good, I know it is hard but there is no amount of stress that is going to fix anything. Learn I mean truly learn about your options and make your own informed choice. You would be surprised how many people that are in your shoes.

Post by **MorningFate** » Tue Sep 02, 2008 9:02 pm

I am here to update a little, I guess you could say. The father is still running scared with his tail tucked between his legs, and I'm still not sure what to do about him, but I am not letting it bug me like I was before. I will be 19 weeks tomorrow. The baby is very healthy. I find out what it is going to be on the 18th of September. I am hoping that it will be a boy, but I will be happy with either just as long as it is healthy. And as mentioned earlier, about the programs that will help me. I am on Soonercare (medicaid) now, and will soon be on WIC. My high school has started a program for expecting teenagers, since we have so many pregnant ones there this year, and I have also joined that. My family is very supporting over my pregnancy. My mother is happy about being able to be a young grandmother.
Thank you all for your support, it is very much appreciated.