Last night I meditated before bed again. I usually lay flat on my back since sitting with my legs crossed irritates me after a couple of minutes. The only problem I have with laying down is the fact that it makes me realize how exhausted I am and how much I want to sleep!
Actually, I don't know if you could really call it meditation - lately I've just been practicing getting in and out of the two different states. I basically went into my meditation-like state after beginning my breathing exercises, then I practiced sending feelings up and down my body. For example, once I was all limbered up, I sent the most amazing tingling feeling up my body, from the tips of my toes to my shoulders. Except, only my limbs got the feeling - not my torso or face. I would guess that'd be because I was breathing, so my chest and mouth were the only things moving - even slightly.
After keeping the tingling there for a minute, I began to feel myself twitching and I noticed the little creaks in the house and the itches on my body, so I released the feeling and slowly made it go away. When I opened my eyes and sat up, I saw that I only took seven minutes - it wasn't as long as I have before, but I've never actually had my limbs tingling like that. I think it'll be useful for future meditations when I have to feel certain energies go from my limbs to another body part. :]
Today is my last day of mid-winter break. I'm not really looking forward to going to school tomorrow, but in about an hour and twenty minutes, I'm going to Allison's house. Then I'm partially treating her to McDonalds, then we're going to the pet store, the thrift store, and the retirement home. We're crazy, kooky kids.
I've really been wanting to go to the thrift store lately. I don't know why, but I can just feel myself being pulled there. I hope to find some things for my altar maybe. I have $30, so I'm sure I can find some candles or maybe a nice knick-knack or something. I just LOVE the upstairs of the thrift store - they have a ton of clothes (which I don't look at because they're not for me - they're like, bathing suits for little girls and big and tall men), they have a few bookshelves, and then the rest of it is shelving with other used items. Downstairs is mainly things like clothes and shoes and toasters.
And then at 2 PM we're going to the retirement home. I'm not going to like it - I'm going to feel sad. It's a rehabilitation retirement home, and Allison says that in all the times she's been there, all of the elderly are all doped out on medicine and whatnot. Things like that make me sad. Anyways, Allison and I are doing a Presidents Day presentation for community service hours. I did my report on JFK, she did hers on Lincoln. We're cool like that. :]
I think I'm going to make this blog partially Wicca-forward but also include the things in my life that annoy my mom too much when I try to tell her. ;D
kaaaaaaatie's blog. :]
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kaaaaaaatie
Oh my, today was so coincidental.
I told Allison I was going to leave my house at about 10 AM, but I decided to leave at around 9:40 since I was bored. Just as I crossed the street, my neighbor a few houses down pulled up and gave me a ride.
Also, last night I was thinking: I bet I'm going to see my grandpa at McDonald's tomorrow! And, of course, today when Allison and I went into McDonald's, there he was. It was insane! (Magical thinking? I think so!! Haa, kidding.)
At the thrift store, I found two beautiful silver candle-holders - both are pretty disgusting and beat-up looking and one of the bottoms came off, but it'll do. Then they also had little tubes of small incense sticks, so as Allison and I were rummaging through them, I grabbed a green apple scented one. The cashier came up and I felt bad making her wait, so I decided to buy it. They were really cheap too - only 99 cents each, and each tube has about five or six little stick in them! I'm definitely going back soon and getting more. Allison says that she saw other scents like strawberry and mango. :]
At the pet store, I bought my beast-of-a-dog some Beggin' Strips and a huge, squeaky tennis ball. He LOVES it. And I LOVE it. I just love giving people things. <3
I was really emotional at the Presidents Day presentation. It made me so upset. All the other kids were making fun of the seniors - for example, one woman (with the most beautiful silver hair!) was blind and when they played the music, she was sitting and dancing with her hands. And then a man (who clearly had something wrong mentally) came in late, and one of the boys handed him a whole plate of cookies. The man dropped the cookies everywhere and he was shoving as many into his mouth as he could. I was so angry! The other people were making fun of the way he was eating and the fact that he got cookies everywhere. I think one of the comments said was, "HAHAHA HE MUST LIKE THE COOKIES, I MEAN, LOOK AT THE WAY HE'S EATING!!!" Thank Goddess that our Religious Education Director Jr., Mrs. Liz, was there and she yelled at them. I was so angry!
I think my favorite person there was Stanley. He was a very sweet old man and he was also one of the most "with-it" people there - let me remind you that it was a rehabilitation retirement center - and he was really fun to talk to. He was talking really loudly though, because he had his ear plugs in and claimed that "YOU NEED PLIERS TO GET 'EM OUT!!" We asked him things like what he was going to do that night and how his Valentine's Day was and one girl asked him if anyone came to visit him. With a smile on his face, he said, "No, not really that many people. I guess I wasn't very well-liked growing up!" and he laughed. It broke my heart when he discussed all the surgeries he's had and how his insurance ran out so now whenever he has to get a surgery, he has to pay for it with his own money, which is zero. And he still had a smile on his face.
I honestly can't see myself going back there in the future - I just started getting really emotional seeing how bad off some people really were. :[
Also, my paragraphs are wonky and misplaced. Paragraphs are not at the top of my to-do list as of now.
I told Allison I was going to leave my house at about 10 AM, but I decided to leave at around 9:40 since I was bored. Just as I crossed the street, my neighbor a few houses down pulled up and gave me a ride.
Also, last night I was thinking: I bet I'm going to see my grandpa at McDonald's tomorrow! And, of course, today when Allison and I went into McDonald's, there he was. It was insane! (Magical thinking? I think so!! Haa, kidding.)
At the thrift store, I found two beautiful silver candle-holders - both are pretty disgusting and beat-up looking and one of the bottoms came off, but it'll do. Then they also had little tubes of small incense sticks, so as Allison and I were rummaging through them, I grabbed a green apple scented one. The cashier came up and I felt bad making her wait, so I decided to buy it. They were really cheap too - only 99 cents each, and each tube has about five or six little stick in them! I'm definitely going back soon and getting more. Allison says that she saw other scents like strawberry and mango. :]
At the pet store, I bought my beast-of-a-dog some Beggin' Strips and a huge, squeaky tennis ball. He LOVES it. And I LOVE it. I just love giving people things. <3
I was really emotional at the Presidents Day presentation. It made me so upset. All the other kids were making fun of the seniors - for example, one woman (with the most beautiful silver hair!) was blind and when they played the music, she was sitting and dancing with her hands. And then a man (who clearly had something wrong mentally) came in late, and one of the boys handed him a whole plate of cookies. The man dropped the cookies everywhere and he was shoving as many into his mouth as he could. I was so angry! The other people were making fun of the way he was eating and the fact that he got cookies everywhere. I think one of the comments said was, "HAHAHA HE MUST LIKE THE COOKIES, I MEAN, LOOK AT THE WAY HE'S EATING!!!" Thank Goddess that our Religious Education Director Jr., Mrs. Liz, was there and she yelled at them. I was so angry!
I think my favorite person there was Stanley. He was a very sweet old man and he was also one of the most "with-it" people there - let me remind you that it was a rehabilitation retirement center - and he was really fun to talk to. He was talking really loudly though, because he had his ear plugs in and claimed that "YOU NEED PLIERS TO GET 'EM OUT!!" We asked him things like what he was going to do that night and how his Valentine's Day was and one girl asked him if anyone came to visit him. With a smile on his face, he said, "No, not really that many people. I guess I wasn't very well-liked growing up!" and he laughed. It broke my heart when he discussed all the surgeries he's had and how his insurance ran out so now whenever he has to get a surgery, he has to pay for it with his own money, which is zero. And he still had a smile on his face.
I honestly can't see myself going back there in the future - I just started getting really emotional seeing how bad off some people really were. :[
Also, my paragraphs are wonky and misplaced. Paragraphs are not at the top of my to-do list as of now.
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kaaaaaaatie
** This post is horrible and ramble-y because I have no one else to talk to but my keyboard. **
I'm not really looking forward to today - Allison and I have to go to our [Catholic] catechism/confirmation retreat. For a round trip, it's three hours of driving, and the actual retreat is from 2:00 to 7:00. Ugh.
Oh, and someone said that last year they promised pizza for food but gave them bologna sandwiches instead. If they give me a bologna sandwich, I'm going to flip. Since I'm a vegetarian, I can at LEAST eat pizza after picking off the pepperoni, you know? But there's no way out of a bologna sandwich. And I mean, we paid $45 for the stupid retreat. I'm sure they could've found one spare dollar to contribute to pizza. A hot-and-ready is only $5, and if they took a dollar from each kid, there'd be one pizza for each five kids. I'm pretty sure that'd work. Ugh.
I got a new cell phone. It's a red LG Shine. I ADORE it, but I feel really upset over what happened yesterday.
My older sister (whose 22) pays for the cell phones and bills for mine, hers, and my mom's. Amber decided to switch from Sprint to Verizon. They could've gotten two Blackberry Storms for the price of one, so that meant her and my mom would've gotten phones very similar to the iPhone. I would've gotten a teal Juke since I thought it was INCREDIBLE and it was really cheap. Amber called us from the store to say that she thought the Blackberry didn't "feel right" so she decided to get an iPhone and she was going to pick out cell phones for my mom and I. Mind you, we had pretty cute phones in the first place. My mom had the pink Katana and I had the Fusic. My mom and I started to whine and complain to each other, just mean little things like "oh my god, now she's going to get us the ugly phones!" and "she's so unreliable!!" When my sister came home, she was nearly crying because she got us the most basic phones they had - they really were horrible. I honestly couldn't use it if I had to. It was terrible quality. But my sister knew it and she regretted it and she didn't know what to do. She was shaking so bad and getting a rash on her neck - I've really never seen her that upset. She even said that she couldn't enjoy her iPhone knowing that ours were pieces of crap. So, she decided to return them, take my mom with her, and get us new phones.
I feel horrible. I really do. I said much more mean things than just my examples above. I'm a bitch and I feel horrible. If Amber knew what I said, she'd be so upset. I really wish I could act nicer. I've had such a terrible attitude lately and I don't know why. I've just been spewing fire at anyone who gets in my way, and it makes me so sad that I'm being so horrible. I just don't know anymore.
I'm not really looking forward to today - Allison and I have to go to our [Catholic] catechism/confirmation retreat. For a round trip, it's three hours of driving, and the actual retreat is from 2:00 to 7:00. Ugh.
Oh, and someone said that last year they promised pizza for food but gave them bologna sandwiches instead. If they give me a bologna sandwich, I'm going to flip. Since I'm a vegetarian, I can at LEAST eat pizza after picking off the pepperoni, you know? But there's no way out of a bologna sandwich. And I mean, we paid $45 for the stupid retreat. I'm sure they could've found one spare dollar to contribute to pizza. A hot-and-ready is only $5, and if they took a dollar from each kid, there'd be one pizza for each five kids. I'm pretty sure that'd work. Ugh.
I got a new cell phone. It's a red LG Shine. I ADORE it, but I feel really upset over what happened yesterday.
My older sister (whose 22) pays for the cell phones and bills for mine, hers, and my mom's. Amber decided to switch from Sprint to Verizon. They could've gotten two Blackberry Storms for the price of one, so that meant her and my mom would've gotten phones very similar to the iPhone. I would've gotten a teal Juke since I thought it was INCREDIBLE and it was really cheap. Amber called us from the store to say that she thought the Blackberry didn't "feel right" so she decided to get an iPhone and she was going to pick out cell phones for my mom and I. Mind you, we had pretty cute phones in the first place. My mom had the pink Katana and I had the Fusic. My mom and I started to whine and complain to each other, just mean little things like "oh my god, now she's going to get us the ugly phones!" and "she's so unreliable!!" When my sister came home, she was nearly crying because she got us the most basic phones they had - they really were horrible. I honestly couldn't use it if I had to. It was terrible quality. But my sister knew it and she regretted it and she didn't know what to do. She was shaking so bad and getting a rash on her neck - I've really never seen her that upset. She even said that she couldn't enjoy her iPhone knowing that ours were pieces of crap. So, she decided to return them, take my mom with her, and get us new phones.
I feel horrible. I really do. I said much more mean things than just my examples above. I'm a bitch and I feel horrible. If Amber knew what I said, she'd be so upset. I really wish I could act nicer. I've had such a terrible attitude lately and I don't know why. I've just been spewing fire at anyone who gets in my way, and it makes me so sad that I'm being so horrible. I just don't know anymore.
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kaaaaaaatie
One thing I absolutely love about Paganism is how free it is choice-wise, but I also find myself sometimes getting worried that I'm doing it 'wrong'. I know, I know, "there's no way to do it 'wrong'" whatever 'it' or 'wrong' may be, but there are still certain times where I wish that I had someone to reassure me that I'm doing just fine.
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One Walker
- Posts: 595
- Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2009 4:42 pm
- Gender: Female
- Location: Minnesota, USA
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kaaaaaaatie
Hi!
There's not really one specific part that I'm worried about, it's just sort of in general. Sometimes I have brief thoughts like "What if I'm not doing this right?" or "Wait - am I supposed to do this or this?!" and I tend get easily frustrated because it seems that for ever ten books or websites you go to, you get eight different answers for your question.
There are just so many firsts I'm going through or still have to go through in Wicca and I get so worried that I'm doing something wrong or bad. I know that I'll get better with things after more experience, but I still wish that I had more self-confidence - which I actually think is my major problem. I need to be more confident in myself.
If this didn't completely make sense, that's because it's 6:30 AM and I just woke up.
XOXO, Katie :]
There's not really one specific part that I'm worried about, it's just sort of in general. Sometimes I have brief thoughts like "What if I'm not doing this right?" or "Wait - am I supposed to do this or this?!" and I tend get easily frustrated because it seems that for ever ten books or websites you go to, you get eight different answers for your question.
There are just so many firsts I'm going through or still have to go through in Wicca and I get so worried that I'm doing something wrong or bad. I know that I'll get better with things after more experience, but I still wish that I had more self-confidence - which I actually think is my major problem. I need to be more confident in myself.
If this didn't completely make sense, that's because it's 6:30 AM and I just woke up.
XOXO, Katie :]
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One Walker
- Posts: 595
- Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2009 4:42 pm
- Gender: Female
- Location: Minnesota, USA
Hi Katie!
Yes, the Wicca/Pagan path is very subjective because it's so personally oriented. Just because something works for one person doesn't necessarily mean it will work the same way or as effectively for another. My rule of thumb has always been to go with what feels right. If you have a doubt then there is no doubt.
Hope this helped some! Stay safe and Blessings to you!
One Walker.
Yes, the Wicca/Pagan path is very subjective because it's so personally oriented. Just because something works for one person doesn't necessarily mean it will work the same way or as effectively for another. My rule of thumb has always been to go with what feels right. If you have a doubt then there is no doubt.
Hope this helped some! Stay safe and Blessings to you!
One Walker.
We have seen what Power does.
We have seen what Power costs.
One is never equal to the other.
We have seen what Power costs.
One is never equal to the other.
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kaaaaaaatie
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kaaaaaaatie
Today I felt in the mood to take pictures of my room and altar.
Okay, okay. Let me prepare you:
IT IS A TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, DISGUSTING MESS.
Honestly.
A month ago, I cleaned out my closet which was full of my books, trash, dirty sheets, etc. Now that I converted it fully into a book closet, everything else sort of migrated into my room. I pretty much gave up on cleaning it. My mom (who never tells me to clean my room) yelled at me the other day when she found it hard to jam open my door and get in.
I think I'm going to clean it this weekend, haha.
Now, on to the pictures!
View of my altar. It's on top of my dresser.
Cat wine bottle, soy-milk container vase, fake flowers, and new candle holders. The candles are clearly too big and trust me, I won't be lighting them. I'm just balancing them there for show. :]
My earth element. Stones I got from the zoo gift shop* and cut up, drying rose petals and leafs.
*I'm not entirely sure that they're real, but I remember they day I got them (when I was around six or seven) and I have good memories with them, so I figured, hey, why not?
Another view of my altar. Yes, those are pin-up girl matches.
Far-off view of the dresser which serves as my altar. Top half is Wicca-oriented, bottom half is storage.
Top drawer of Wicca dresser part. It's my main storage area. I have all sorts of things in there, like my mom's tarot cards, some plastic containers and glass jars, bubbles, a candle, etc. Don't ask.
Book storage, bottom Wicca drawer. Books are my buddies.
...Don't judge me.
My hand-me-down desk, sexy lamp (without a lightbulb), telescope, zebra stuffed animals, papers upon papers upon papers upon papers upon..., etc.
My clothing dresser. It has my TV, purple feather boa from Frankenmuth, trash, makeup, purfume, water cup, monkey, gluesticks, whatever.
Close-up of the floor between my desk, clothing dresser, and bed. Dirty laundry and old Halloween costumes litter the floor.
My bed. Comfy and wonderful.
I got these from the retreat I went on on Sunday. I bought the candle which was made by one of the monks at the monastery. It's cinnamon and something else scented. I also bought that little cross for my senior buddy. :]
And last but not least...
Peace out. <3
Okay, okay. Let me prepare you:
IT IS A TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, DISGUSTING MESS.
Honestly.
A month ago, I cleaned out my closet which was full of my books, trash, dirty sheets, etc. Now that I converted it fully into a book closet, everything else sort of migrated into my room. I pretty much gave up on cleaning it. My mom (who never tells me to clean my room) yelled at me the other day when she found it hard to jam open my door and get in.
I think I'm going to clean it this weekend, haha.
Now, on to the pictures!
View of my altar. It's on top of my dresser.
Cat wine bottle, soy-milk container vase, fake flowers, and new candle holders. The candles are clearly too big and trust me, I won't be lighting them. I'm just balancing them there for show. :]
My earth element. Stones I got from the zoo gift shop* and cut up, drying rose petals and leafs.
*I'm not entirely sure that they're real, but I remember they day I got them (when I was around six or seven) and I have good memories with them, so I figured, hey, why not?
Another view of my altar. Yes, those are pin-up girl matches.
Far-off view of the dresser which serves as my altar. Top half is Wicca-oriented, bottom half is storage.
Top drawer of Wicca dresser part. It's my main storage area. I have all sorts of things in there, like my mom's tarot cards, some plastic containers and glass jars, bubbles, a candle, etc. Don't ask.
Book storage, bottom Wicca drawer. Books are my buddies.
...Don't judge me.
My hand-me-down desk, sexy lamp (without a lightbulb), telescope, zebra stuffed animals, papers upon papers upon papers upon papers upon..., etc.
My clothing dresser. It has my TV, purple feather boa from Frankenmuth, trash, makeup, purfume, water cup, monkey, gluesticks, whatever.
Close-up of the floor between my desk, clothing dresser, and bed. Dirty laundry and old Halloween costumes litter the floor.
My bed. Comfy and wonderful.
I got these from the retreat I went on on Sunday. I bought the candle which was made by one of the monks at the monastery. It's cinnamon and something else scented. I also bought that little cross for my senior buddy. :]
And last but not least...
Peace out. <3
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One Walker
- Posts: 595
- Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2009 4:42 pm
- Gender: Female
- Location: Minnesota, USA
Hehehe. I LOVE your pics! And don't feel bad about the room. My idea of cleaning is to sweep the room with a glance-mostly to see if anything has started moving on its own yet. 
I see we share an interest in the night skies and reading too. I absolutely EAT books. I've got bookcases full plus shelves in closets plus piles of them all over the place. 
I keep my telescope next to my altar too.
I really like your altar space too. It's purposeful, useful, and personal.
One Walker.
I see we share an interest in the night skies and reading too. I absolutely EAT books. I've got bookcases full plus shelves in closets plus piles of them all over the place. I keep my telescope next to my altar too.I really like your altar space too. It's purposeful, useful, and personal.
One Walker.
We have seen what Power does.
We have seen what Power costs.
One is never equal to the other.
We have seen what Power costs.
One is never equal to the other.
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kaaaaaaatie
I know what you mean about just sweeping the room with a glace - my room is a terror, but my system works for me. Whenever I clean my room, I can never find anything!
My wonderful aunt bought me my telescope for my birthday last year. :] My mom and I tried to use it in the summer, but we weren't very sure how to work it right, so I'm gonna give it another try once winter is over.
I ADORE books. I converted my closet into a book closet since I don't have a bookcase. :] I downsized my books though - a lot of them were things like the Babysitter Club which I didn't want, so I put them all into a separate box to give away. My mom kept some that she thinks my cousin would like and then we're donating the left-over ones.
And thank you - right now my altar isn't really a working space, more of a devotional space. Once I clear off the floor in front of it, though, I can do more with it.
Today I have a late start and don't have to go to school until 9:20-ish.
And I have to talk about my experience at the retreat soon before I forget, haha.
My wonderful aunt bought me my telescope for my birthday last year. :] My mom and I tried to use it in the summer, but we weren't very sure how to work it right, so I'm gonna give it another try once winter is over.
I ADORE books. I converted my closet into a book closet since I don't have a bookcase. :] I downsized my books though - a lot of them were things like the Babysitter Club which I didn't want, so I put them all into a separate box to give away. My mom kept some that she thinks my cousin would like and then we're donating the left-over ones.
And thank you - right now my altar isn't really a working space, more of a devotional space. Once I clear off the floor in front of it, though, I can do more with it.
Today I have a late start and don't have to go to school until 9:20-ish.
And I have to talk about my experience at the retreat soon before I forget, haha.
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kaaaaaaatie
****** I'm sorry. My writing is HORRIBLE in this post. I have no more time for proper grammar, tenses, paragraphs, etc. I spend hours doing that at school, I refuse to do so when I'm attempting to relax. I was also in a hurry when writing this.
I should probably talk about the retreat that was last Sunday before I forgot.
I went to Allison's house at around 11:30 so we could hang out and go to the church together. The bus was supposed to leave at 12:30, so her mom drove us there and we got there around 12:15-ish and we waited inside for a while. Our friend Zack, he was acting REALLY weird. Then we went on the bus (which was over one and a half hours of driving). We mainly listened to Allison's iPod and texted people. Then we got lost in the woods.
It was great. We seriously were parked in the middle of the woods on the really tiny road for twenty minutes as the bus driver and two religious directors from the church were trying to figure out where we were and where to go. During that time, we saw a deer and then there was also this creepy sign that was painted in red, but I forgot what it said.
Anyways, after those twenty minutes, we had to turn around (in a school bus on a tiny road) and it turns out that we didn't even need to go into the woods there - the part of the woods we had to go in was a few miles past where we entered. That was the creepiest, most religious town I've ever seen. There was seriously a church every two buildings.
Once we got to the retreat house/monastery, it was awesome. The monastery had the most incredible architecture ever and they had two dogs. And the retreat house was really cool inside.
First we got juice and cookies, then we listened to Father Dan rambling, then we meditated. The woman who led it, she did it so we came across Jesus and talked to him, but I didn't really pay attention to her - I sort of let my mind go wherever it wanted to go. After we had to stay silent and write a letter to God or Jesus.
I was super lightheaded and I felt really good after the meditation, but after writing for fifteen minutes, hunched over my paper on the floor, I got a blaring headache - it felt like someone bashed my head in with a baseball bat.
In my letter, I secretly addressed it to the God and Goddess (in small writing). The nosy people kept looking over our shoulders so I had to write small. At the beginning, I did as we were told, to 'tell Jesus (or in my case, the God and Goddess) all of your problems and give him thanks for all you have in your life.' Which I did. Then after five minutes, I began to get antsy and I started writing down thoughts because I had nothing else to say. 'I REALLY have to pee - Father Dan promised us that the lady would show us the bathrooms!!' and 'I want to talk to Allison right now' were pretty common ones. After that, we went back to the monastery for reconciliation, then we ate pizza, then we went to mass, then I bought stuff at the gift shop and we went home.
It was DEFINITELY not as bad as I thought it would be. It was less like Jesus Bootcamp and more like Catechism-On-Steroids.
Anyways, this monastery was surrounded by over 230 acres of woods. It was incredible.
Anyways, I think I know why our friend Zack was being weird.
His ex-girlfriend broke up with him on the day before, and he cussed her out a few days later saying that on Sunday he took drugs because he was so upset, etc., etc.
I'm shocked. I don't know if it's true or not, but Zack isn't close enough to me where I could ask him, you know?
I heard this since I sit next to her in art.
I've heard Zack during lunch mention how he did a lot of stupid things because of her breaking up with him, but he didn't go into specifics.
I don't know his ex-girlfriend well enough, though, because she just moved here a few weeks ago. I don't know if I trust her because she seems like a liar.
But I don't know if I believe it or not; Zack doesn't seem like he would ever do drugs. I like him too much. Normally I think the worst of a person, but lately I've caught myself thinking the best of people. I don't think he would do drugs, nor would my other close close close friend, nor would another friend steal.
This is so messed up.
I never thought about these things. I always thought that when the media portrayed teenagers as doing drugs and drinking and stealing and having sex, that it was all just a big exaggeration, but it really isn't. I've just begun to notice how messed up it is. People are always talking about sex. Everyone is talking about booze. So many are talking about drugs. For example, another girl at my school sells pot. Allegedly. I'm not going to say anything though because I don't know if it's the truth or not. But this one girl at my table was talking to Zack's ex-girlfriend like, "Oh, if you're ever looking to buy pot, go to her" and she pointed at the girl who was sitting right next to them and she nodded.
I was just thinking "WHAT?"
This is just so messed up.
And now that I've gotten everything off my chest and have clearer mind, here are some pictures of me taken a few hours ago:
I warned you my writing sucked.
I should probably talk about the retreat that was last Sunday before I forgot.
I went to Allison's house at around 11:30 so we could hang out and go to the church together. The bus was supposed to leave at 12:30, so her mom drove us there and we got there around 12:15-ish and we waited inside for a while. Our friend Zack, he was acting REALLY weird. Then we went on the bus (which was over one and a half hours of driving). We mainly listened to Allison's iPod and texted people. Then we got lost in the woods.
It was great. We seriously were parked in the middle of the woods on the really tiny road for twenty minutes as the bus driver and two religious directors from the church were trying to figure out where we were and where to go. During that time, we saw a deer and then there was also this creepy sign that was painted in red, but I forgot what it said.
Anyways, after those twenty minutes, we had to turn around (in a school bus on a tiny road) and it turns out that we didn't even need to go into the woods there - the part of the woods we had to go in was a few miles past where we entered. That was the creepiest, most religious town I've ever seen. There was seriously a church every two buildings.
Once we got to the retreat house/monastery, it was awesome. The monastery had the most incredible architecture ever and they had two dogs. And the retreat house was really cool inside.
First we got juice and cookies, then we listened to Father Dan rambling, then we meditated. The woman who led it, she did it so we came across Jesus and talked to him, but I didn't really pay attention to her - I sort of let my mind go wherever it wanted to go. After we had to stay silent and write a letter to God or Jesus.
I was super lightheaded and I felt really good after the meditation, but after writing for fifteen minutes, hunched over my paper on the floor, I got a blaring headache - it felt like someone bashed my head in with a baseball bat.
In my letter, I secretly addressed it to the God and Goddess (in small writing). The nosy people kept looking over our shoulders so I had to write small. At the beginning, I did as we were told, to 'tell Jesus (or in my case, the God and Goddess) all of your problems and give him thanks for all you have in your life.' Which I did. Then after five minutes, I began to get antsy and I started writing down thoughts because I had nothing else to say. 'I REALLY have to pee - Father Dan promised us that the lady would show us the bathrooms!!' and 'I want to talk to Allison right now' were pretty common ones. After that, we went back to the monastery for reconciliation, then we ate pizza, then we went to mass, then I bought stuff at the gift shop and we went home.
It was DEFINITELY not as bad as I thought it would be. It was less like Jesus Bootcamp and more like Catechism-On-Steroids.
Anyways, this monastery was surrounded by over 230 acres of woods. It was incredible.
Anyways, I think I know why our friend Zack was being weird.
His ex-girlfriend broke up with him on the day before, and he cussed her out a few days later saying that on Sunday he took drugs because he was so upset, etc., etc.
I'm shocked. I don't know if it's true or not, but Zack isn't close enough to me where I could ask him, you know?
I heard this since I sit next to her in art.
I've heard Zack during lunch mention how he did a lot of stupid things because of her breaking up with him, but he didn't go into specifics.
I don't know his ex-girlfriend well enough, though, because she just moved here a few weeks ago. I don't know if I trust her because she seems like a liar.
But I don't know if I believe it or not; Zack doesn't seem like he would ever do drugs. I like him too much. Normally I think the worst of a person, but lately I've caught myself thinking the best of people. I don't think he would do drugs, nor would my other close close close friend, nor would another friend steal.
This is so messed up.
I never thought about these things. I always thought that when the media portrayed teenagers as doing drugs and drinking and stealing and having sex, that it was all just a big exaggeration, but it really isn't. I've just begun to notice how messed up it is. People are always talking about sex. Everyone is talking about booze. So many are talking about drugs. For example, another girl at my school sells pot. Allegedly. I'm not going to say anything though because I don't know if it's the truth or not. But this one girl at my table was talking to Zack's ex-girlfriend like, "Oh, if you're ever looking to buy pot, go to her" and she pointed at the girl who was sitting right next to them and she nodded.
I was just thinking "WHAT?"
This is just so messed up.
And now that I've gotten everything off my chest and have clearer mind, here are some pictures of me taken a few hours ago:
I warned you my writing sucked.
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kaaaaaaatie
I'm THRILLED. :]
Tonight I'm going to see RHPS at a local cafe - with actors in front of the screen and everything.
Let me tell you, that transition from my bedroom's squalor to the inside of a cafe is a big one. Especially the transition from my room's modest 19" TV screen.
And actors? Wow. The closest I've ever gotten to people actually acting in front of the screen was doing it myself with my friends.
Now I feel so sheltered - there's really nothing here in my town. My best friend's dad pointed it out to me yesterday on her birthday. "All of the houses are two about feet away. It's like, when you're washing your dishes and look out the window, you're practically face-to-face with your neighbor who is also washing the dishes and looking out the window! If I stood on the roof right now, I'd only see houses, a Kmart, houses, houses, Arby's, houses, houses, houses, school, houses. In the '60s, this used to be all woods. Now it's all houses. Back in New Hampshire, I could go outside and see nothing but mountains and forests for miles. You can't get that here."
And I realized, it's so true. There's nothing here.
And that makes me sad.
Tonight I'm going to see RHPS at a local cafe - with actors in front of the screen and everything.
Let me tell you, that transition from my bedroom's squalor to the inside of a cafe is a big one. Especially the transition from my room's modest 19" TV screen.
And actors? Wow. The closest I've ever gotten to people actually acting in front of the screen was doing it myself with my friends.
Now I feel so sheltered - there's really nothing here in my town. My best friend's dad pointed it out to me yesterday on her birthday. "All of the houses are two about feet away. It's like, when you're washing your dishes and look out the window, you're practically face-to-face with your neighbor who is also washing the dishes and looking out the window! If I stood on the roof right now, I'd only see houses, a Kmart, houses, houses, Arby's, houses, houses, houses, school, houses. In the '60s, this used to be all woods. Now it's all houses. Back in New Hampshire, I could go outside and see nothing but mountains and forests for miles. You can't get that here."
And I realized, it's so true. There's nothing here.
And that makes me sad.
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kaaaaaaatie
Oh, wow - I've abandoned EUM for quite a while! :/ Eek!
So much has been going on in my life lately, I really don't know where to start.
On Monday Allison and I did our last test for this one advanced school we're trying to get in. The other advanced school we want to get in much more has testing this Saturday and I'm super-duper nervous. They only have about three slots open for my school district and I sort of doubt both Allison and I will get in together. If anything, I think one of us will get into the one we don't want so much, and the other will get both and choose the better one. I just think it'd be nice to have a built-in best friend - we're both pretty awkward and not too good at making new friends.
I just really want to be with her. :/
I would write more, but it seems as if nowadays I've been eternally stressed out. Ugh.
So much has been going on in my life lately, I really don't know where to start.
On Monday Allison and I did our last test for this one advanced school we're trying to get in. The other advanced school we want to get in much more has testing this Saturday and I'm super-duper nervous. They only have about three slots open for my school district and I sort of doubt both Allison and I will get in together. If anything, I think one of us will get into the one we don't want so much, and the other will get both and choose the better one. I just think it'd be nice to have a built-in best friend - we're both pretty awkward and not too good at making new friends.
I just really want to be with her. :/
I would write more, but it seems as if nowadays I've been eternally stressed out. Ugh.
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kaaaaaaatie
I'm sorry I've abandoned the internet for over a month. Life has been so completely hectic and insane.
SPECTACULAR news!
Allison and I both got into the advanced school we wanted to - together!! We just got our acceptance letters in the mail yesterday! We're so excited and overjoyed! I'm so glad to get out of our ghetto public school and to get into advanced nerd school. I'm so glad that we're actually going to be in a school where people actually care about their grades - not about popularity or "OMG DID YOU SEE WHAT SHE WAS WEARING?!?!?!" or who is going out with whom. And no gym until 11th grade! Woohoo!!
I'll write more in a few days - I have to finish homework.
SPECTACULAR news!
Allison and I both got into the advanced school we wanted to - together!! We just got our acceptance letters in the mail yesterday! We're so excited and overjoyed! I'm so glad to get out of our ghetto public school and to get into advanced nerd school.
I'm so glad that we're actually going to be in a school where people actually care about their grades - not about popularity or "OMG DID YOU SEE WHAT SHE WAS WEARING?!?!?!" or who is going out with whom. And no gym until 11th grade! Woohoo!!I'll write more in a few days - I have to finish homework.