If you'd like to have your own blog here, start yourself a thread. Use your member name somewhere in the title so people will know who you are. The blogs here should be mostly about your spiritual path and beliefs.
This blog will encompass many things, from the spiritual to the philosophical. I may ramble about "mundane" matters, but such matters will almost always tie into the spiritual ones.
Names may be changed to protect the innocent.
This blogs mood will shift, depending upon the material. One day may be hilarious, the next may be solemn.
I may swear from time to time, so if you are offended, I sincerely apologize and suggest reading my blog may not be in your best interest.
Any and all are encouraged to PM me or comment upon my blog.
"When man comes to a conscious vital realization of those great spiritual forces within himself and begins to use those forces in science, in business, and in life, his progress in the future will be unparalleled." -Bruce Lee
And so it begins. For two long years, I have tried to awaken whatever spiritual side there was within me. Countless hours of meditation, book after book, visualization exercises, interpeting my dreams; all were fruitless in my effort to feel even the slightest spark or tingle of energy.
Whenever I came to the EUTM forum, everyone was helpful enough, for which I am greatly thankful, but their advice did nothing to help. I began to realize I needed some serious spiritual help.
Then I came across Imalorki. I saw her post in the Divination section about readings and went to her for help. After several days of conversation regarding our own problems, she offered to help me.
So I sat, my logical mind doubting in a small quiet voice what was about to happen: Imalorki was going to enter my mind and discover what was wrong.
We talked on instant messenger as she asked little questions, spiritually entering my mind. She made small comments, each one erasing even my most skeptical doubts. About how thick my sheilds were, and the only hole in it is where I've had a longlasting injury. About how I must have been through some serious shit to have shields like that. About how my past was locked away behind a huge metal door. And finally about how my shields had been corrupted upon themselves by an old friend.
I was feeling drained, for which she apologized, explaining she needed to borrow some energy. Finally, she asked me to sprinkle salt around the windows and doors, which I clumsily did: the lack of energy left me dizzy, extremely rare for me. Whereas I am normally quite the acrobat, I suddenly was tripping like I'd had a six-pack of beer.
She continued her work while our conversation shifted from the IM to the phone. She guided me through a healing meditation of my psychic nerves, which she described as being "burned", like taste buds no longer tasting after that 400 degree pizza or coffee.
So after my healing, we talked for a while on her problems, which I will not speak of out of respect for her privacy.
The following morning when I awoke, I decided to try a psyball. I focused on energy flowing from my core, down my arms and into my hands. My fingertips tingled, and I grew excited, the energy in my core exploding into a butterfly sensation I could actually feel! I moved my hands back and forth and felt that amazing sensation: magnetic, pulling yet pushing, there but not there.
I walked on air for the rest of that day. Just the memory causes the 'butterflys' to return and my fingertips to tingle. It was only a few days ago, perhaps the 13th, but it's what I've been searching for since 2007.
Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. -Bertrand Russell
So here I am, balancing on a steel bar 5 feet from the ground. My hands reach out to either side, clutching steel bars perpendicular to the one I am perched on like a bird. 6 feet forwards and 10 feet above the ground, there is another bar, parallel to the one I'm standing on, but out of reach. I shift my weight from foot to foot on the 2-inch-thick bar, as a cat would before it pounced on some unwary mouse. My muscles ripple underneath my running pants, prepared to launch forwards, when it happens.
Fear punches me in the gut, my breath catching in my throat. Suddenly the bar seems unattainable, and I feel 20 feet above the ground. I grip the bars to either side of me with white knuckles while I reel from the sudden surge of adrenaline pumping through my veins. Swallowing, I grit my teeth and explode forwards and upwards, my hands gripping around the target and my body hanging below, swinging from the inertia.
So you may be wondering why a 19 year old guy is jumping around on a children's jungle gym at the park?
The first reason is that I'm freerunner. I get my kicks by moving through obstacles like the wind, keeping the flow like water, embracing the earth by moving across her, while my muscles burn like fire from the exercise. Sounds pretty magickal to me. I've been freerunning for 4 years now, so I can kong-vault a car faster than I can ground and center.
The second reason is that I'm afraid of heights. If my feet get above where my head would be, suddenly my years of martial arts training disappear and my knees start shaking like leaves in the wind.
The average person would just avoid heights. Acrophobia is a legitimate fear, and there are self-help classes, books, therapy, and I'm pretty sure a drug for helping overcome this condition.
But if you ask me, if you're gonna swim, you gotta get wet.
So I actively seek height. I've gotten to the point where I get a rush from the fear, feeling the adrenaline flow through my veins as powerful as any magick exercise. My body is tense, my limbs like springs, and my mind like an animal.
Each jump is a battle, and each battle takes me further through the war. Dopamine rewards my brain, congratulating me for not falling and breaking anything. I get high, and I scramble back up the obstacle to jump again and again, until my mind no longer fears it, and the high is gone. On to my next obstacle, the next jump, and the next fix.
After I go running, I come home and sit on the couch, damp with sweat and my stomach throbbing with energy. I feel so full of magickal energy I could swear that's lightning flowing through me, not blood. My hands tingle and I search for something to charge, an amulet, my BOS, anything while the energy is so abundant.
Fear can be crippling, and restraining. Fear can be empowering, and full of energy. It can be an obstacle that holds you back, or it can be a springboard to mastery of your mind and physical body.
A few months ago I couldn't do a back handspring. My body locked up as soon as I thought of flipping backwards. But by attacking this fear, instead of obeying it, I can now do a back flash.
I've had many fears, which I've always tried to conquer. I have a fear of speaking in front of a crowd. I have a fear of the dark. I have a fear of bees.
I've performed in front of my entire hometown too. I sleep in complete darkness, and I trained myself not to run inside whenever a wasp flew past me.
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