Seeing this subject makes me feel compelled to share...
About 5 years ago I answered a 3am phone call from my best friend crying and begging me to come, get her at her home and take her to the hospital. She had just attempted suicide and had last minute doubts about whether she wanted to die. We made it to the hospital, she ended up being physically safe and my heart rate eventually went back to normal after almost losing my best friend. She has since moved to Oz and is happy, healthy and having a baby!
3 years ago I received a call from my Aunt who was crying hysterically because our shared friend had just killed himself. He had done it in front of his partner, who was frantically on the phone with the 911 operators, begging him not to do it. The funeral was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. All our friends were miserable. Everyone felt responsible in some way. We all kept thinking about what we could have done to help him - although I think we all knew there was nothing.
Last summer my grandfather killed himself and my parents found his body in his home. This has dramatically affected my mother, as I'm sure anyone can understand. My family was miserable for a long time after this happened. My grandmother, who did not live with my grandfather since she has to be in a nursing home, no longer has him to visit her every day. When she passes away I will no longer have any grandparents left and my family will never be the same. To know that my mother's father could do this to himself without caring about what it would do to our family makes me angry even though I know I should forgive him.
If anyone is thinking of doing this to them self, please think of the people around you that love you. If you feel that no one does (which, deep down, you probably know isn't true), then think of me and know that you have support to keep living and to deal with your challenges.
Compelled to share
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Release.the.bats
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Wow...
I'm very sorry for all of this!
I think that a lot of the time people who attempt suicide don't truly know that a suicide of anyone really, shakes everyone. Even if you only knew that person through someone else, or they were someone you saw at school randomly. Everyone who knows you or cares about you is shaken when someone commits suicide.
I know a kid who was in 8th grade, when I was in 7th [I graduated this year from high school, to give you an estimate on about how long ago this was]. It was the summer before 8th grade for me and I had only talked to the kid once, but he hung himself in his basement one day in July.
Even though I didn't know him well, I still wished I could've helped in some way, I still felt the sadness for his relatives [his mom found him] and the people he knew.
One girl, who turned out to be related to me as like a second cousin, committed suicide when she was 17 and I was 14. She drove her car off a downhill ramp at a high speed and crashed into a tree. They had to have an closed casket at her funeral because of the damage. I never knew or talked to her, but I felt sorry that she had died, then I found out she was related to me. And on some level I wished I had spoken to her before she died.
So, the point is that suicide affects everyone who you affect with your presence. We all notice the absence of someone who was there, if they are permanently gone.
We all feel it.
I'm very sorry for all of this!
I think that a lot of the time people who attempt suicide don't truly know that a suicide of anyone really, shakes everyone. Even if you only knew that person through someone else, or they were someone you saw at school randomly. Everyone who knows you or cares about you is shaken when someone commits suicide.
I know a kid who was in 8th grade, when I was in 7th [I graduated this year from high school, to give you an estimate on about how long ago this was]. It was the summer before 8th grade for me and I had only talked to the kid once, but he hung himself in his basement one day in July.
Even though I didn't know him well, I still wished I could've helped in some way, I still felt the sadness for his relatives [his mom found him] and the people he knew.
One girl, who turned out to be related to me as like a second cousin, committed suicide when she was 17 and I was 14. She drove her car off a downhill ramp at a high speed and crashed into a tree. They had to have an closed casket at her funeral because of the damage. I never knew or talked to her, but I felt sorry that she had died, then I found out she was related to me. And on some level I wished I had spoken to her before she died.
So, the point is that suicide affects everyone who you affect with your presence. We all notice the absence of someone who was there, if they are permanently gone.
We all feel it.
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TaciRain
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A kid i'd known since 2nd second grade commited suicide when i was in 8th grade. He'd had a fight with his mom and dad and some of the preppy girls from school had made fun of his speech impediment that morning. he'd been involved in drugs earlier that year and his dad and step mom accused him of being on drugs again. they told him they were taking him to the hospital about 10 blocks away to give him a drug test. he told them he was going upstairs to get his shoes. he shot himself in the head and died 5 minutes later while his parents were driving him to the hospital. the autopsy showed no drugs in his system. no alcohol. but he'd been on some sort of ADD medication thats side effect was depression.
My best friend's dad killed himself the week of prom our junior year. depression ran in his family. Addie herself has thought of and attempted suicide before. but after seeing and feeling the way she did after her dad died, she realized that she could never do that to her mom and sisters and brothers. Her dad was a pharmasist and the night before he turned 60, he went to a town about 3 hours from here and sat down on the train tracks. he shot himself before the train hit him. he'd had the gun for 10 years and no one knew about it. he left a note identifying himself and leaving his home number. no note to his family. he left behind his two kids in highschool and 5 adult children and step children one of whome is 35 and mentally retarded with the mind of a 3 year old.
there are no words to describe the pain felt by those close to someone who has commited suicide...
My best friend's dad killed himself the week of prom our junior year. depression ran in his family. Addie herself has thought of and attempted suicide before. but after seeing and feeling the way she did after her dad died, she realized that she could never do that to her mom and sisters and brothers. Her dad was a pharmasist and the night before he turned 60, he went to a town about 3 hours from here and sat down on the train tracks. he shot himself before the train hit him. he'd had the gun for 10 years and no one knew about it. he left a note identifying himself and leaving his home number. no note to his family. he left behind his two kids in highschool and 5 adult children and step children one of whome is 35 and mentally retarded with the mind of a 3 year old.
there are no words to describe the pain felt by those close to someone who has commited suicide...
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zoe.11
I understand you being angry and feeling that these people are being selfish. But you also have to realize that they are not doing it to hurt any one. They know that their family loves them, but when you have depression you feel this unbarable pain that completely overtakes you. I don't think that it is something that you can truly understand unless you have been there, and I have.
I know my family and friends love me, but when that feeling hits all you feel is pain. It is so overwhelming that it completely controls you and you have no idea why, or how to stop it. You have no rationalization, and most times don't even know what you are doing. If you can hang on and get through it, you look back and wonder why was I so low?
Sorry to ramble on, I am very sorry for your loss. Please forgive your Grandfather, depression is an illness that is out of our control. We honestly don't mean to hurt anyone.
I know my family and friends love me, but when that feeling hits all you feel is pain. It is so overwhelming that it completely controls you and you have no idea why, or how to stop it. You have no rationalization, and most times don't even know what you are doing. If you can hang on and get through it, you look back and wonder why was I so low?
Sorry to ramble on, I am very sorry for your loss. Please forgive your Grandfather, depression is an illness that is out of our control. We honestly don't mean to hurt anyone.
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evanlie
I understand that my grandpa wasn't trying to hurt us, he just decided to not think of us. Depression runs in my family and I have been medicated for it as well. I decided to continue taking the medication so I wouldn't feel hopeless, sad and risk wanting to kill myself. I woke up every day feeling like I was here for no reason and had no hope. I feel like the only think that kept me going was knowing what would happen to my family if I decided to lose control and do the worst.
I'm hopeful that you know your family loves you and I hope that gives you the strength it will take for you to stay here with us for awhile to come
I'm hopeful that you know your family loves you and I hope that gives you the strength it will take for you to stay here with us for awhile to come
I've never wanted to kill myself...though I had those days I wanted to die because I didn't deserve to live. I did slice at my skin(shallower than cat scratches) once...somewhat recently...and I knew what I was doing...and it didn't click like normal that I hate it when people cut themselves. There aren't any scars(I check everyday). If I hadn't been meant to hurt myself...I never would have done it. Things happen for a reason. The reason for that night, which I'm NOT gonna talk about I promised, was to make me change. It was a make or break for many things. I make. I changed for the better and have been a happier person. Only reason I'm miserable is my pills(birth control if you're curious) makes me horribly hungry...but doesn't let me finish a full meal...and most sweets(when I have a sweet tooth) make me sick. I can barely have a chewie bar. That and stress made me sick(the night I cut myself I got horribly sick and stayed that way for a week...I passed it off as being sick...which I was...and the stress...and yes I told my mum about it). Now my stomach goes between...hey I'm hungry...hey I'm sickly I don't wanna eat...while I eat my stomach is gonna make me unbearably full out of no where...
Its all rather irritating and it worries my sis from another miss...I think this weekend she is gonna force feed me...lol or just give me reiki(she and I are natural at it). :p
My mum's a widow. Her now ex husband died in a car crash...not suicide...she withered away from 120 pounds to 90 in only a few months...she ate junk food everyday trying to get it back. This happened when my brother was 2 and I didn't exist. well her dead husband had a brother that I think a year or so before...shot himself in the head...and she was the one to find him.
My second cousin that is my mum's age was mentally ill and she killed herself as well...my mum grew up with her.
This girl at school(I'm now graduated) that I thought was my friend but is just a lying sack of excrement...she tried to overdose...8 ibuprofen and 4 aspirin at once...that was one day...and we knew...but she forbid us to tell the teachers why she was shaking...after she said she wouldn't do it again...she did it the next day...we were in six period...only a few people...small school...and Jake(Dom's brother) and I...were sitting with her while she lay on the ground...and she was shaking saying she was cold...and that her sides were going numb...that she couldn't breathe. We forced her to drink water, breathe...and finally after an hour of this she let us tell the teacher...he thought she was just sick. at the time my guy friend/spiritual adopted mama(his soul mate lives in his head) was having heart palpitations so they had an ambulance...they had another one just in case...and it went to her...they forced us out of the room as they stabilized her and took her down.
I went straight to Dom's classroom...because I had no classes after that...and broke down in his arms...even now I'm starting to cry because of that. I soaked his jacket(which I stole later and is now mine with his smell...despite all the washing) through and my face got so tight from all the tears that I couldn't really scrunch my nose when my friends were trying to get me to smile and joke. I broke down in public because of her. I was so scared for her...thinking she might die. I don't cry in public if I can help it...though I have two times total this year at school. Other times were at home. some were reasonable...others were unexplainable.
The girl survived. But we found out later she did it for attention and she was just reacting badly to her boyfriend finding out she cheated on him...she lied to us about it...about everything. I got so angry because I cried for her.
But the strange thing about that...is that if she hadn't of taken those pills...and been sent to the hospital...they wouldn't have found out she had a serious kidney infection...or so she says. I don't believe anything she says anymore...didn't really to begin with because of my instincts which I didn't really trust back then.
I'm not thinking of suicide...but I broke down at work last week...first week of job...but I was by myself...my boss(only other worker here) hadn't come in yet...I haven't seen my soul mate in more than three weeks(at that point) and it hurt more everyday...I have a picture(the one with me having a collar and cat ears)of us on my desktop(I'm a secretary with my own computer...she let me change the picture)...I always like to look at it because its my favorite pictures of us( not my favorite of HIM but 2nd) and we're happy in it and he isn't making his usual funny face.
Well when I looked at it that day...and really looked. I started crying and shaking because I missed him so much and it hurt. thinking about it makes me teary. But I'm really happy now because I get to see him this weekend. His sis Simone(my little big sis(everyone is taller than me...I was the shortest high school student(only 100 students)) invited me over for the weekend and my mum said I could...so I get to see him all weekend! so no suicidal thoughts here...
Now I'm anxious...cheerful...sleepy...tired...and bored as all hells because I'm the only one in the office again...I think we should get a kitten for the office...gives me someone to play with when business is slow...
sorry that I'm rambling on...and there isn't much tradegy in it...lol
Its all rather irritating and it worries my sis from another miss...I think this weekend she is gonna force feed me...lol or just give me reiki(she and I are natural at it). :p
My mum's a widow. Her now ex husband died in a car crash...not suicide...she withered away from 120 pounds to 90 in only a few months...she ate junk food everyday trying to get it back. This happened when my brother was 2 and I didn't exist. well her dead husband had a brother that I think a year or so before...shot himself in the head...and she was the one to find him.
My second cousin that is my mum's age was mentally ill and she killed herself as well...my mum grew up with her.
This girl at school(I'm now graduated) that I thought was my friend but is just a lying sack of excrement...she tried to overdose...8 ibuprofen and 4 aspirin at once...that was one day...and we knew...but she forbid us to tell the teachers why she was shaking...after she said she wouldn't do it again...she did it the next day...we were in six period...only a few people...small school...and Jake(Dom's brother) and I...were sitting with her while she lay on the ground...and she was shaking saying she was cold...and that her sides were going numb...that she couldn't breathe. We forced her to drink water, breathe...and finally after an hour of this she let us tell the teacher...he thought she was just sick. at the time my guy friend/spiritual adopted mama(his soul mate lives in his head) was having heart palpitations so they had an ambulance...they had another one just in case...and it went to her...they forced us out of the room as they stabilized her and took her down.
I went straight to Dom's classroom...because I had no classes after that...and broke down in his arms...even now I'm starting to cry because of that. I soaked his jacket(which I stole later and is now mine with his smell...despite all the washing) through and my face got so tight from all the tears that I couldn't really scrunch my nose when my friends were trying to get me to smile and joke. I broke down in public because of her. I was so scared for her...thinking she might die. I don't cry in public if I can help it...though I have two times total this year at school. Other times were at home. some were reasonable...others were unexplainable.
The girl survived. But we found out later she did it for attention and she was just reacting badly to her boyfriend finding out she cheated on him...she lied to us about it...about everything. I got so angry because I cried for her.
But the strange thing about that...is that if she hadn't of taken those pills...and been sent to the hospital...they wouldn't have found out she had a serious kidney infection...or so she says. I don't believe anything she says anymore...didn't really to begin with because of my instincts which I didn't really trust back then.
I'm not thinking of suicide...but I broke down at work last week...first week of job...but I was by myself...my boss(only other worker here) hadn't come in yet...I haven't seen my soul mate in more than three weeks(at that point) and it hurt more everyday...I have a picture(the one with me having a collar and cat ears)of us on my desktop(I'm a secretary with my own computer...she let me change the picture)...I always like to look at it because its my favorite pictures of us( not my favorite of HIM but 2nd) and we're happy in it and he isn't making his usual funny face.
Well when I looked at it that day...and really looked. I started crying and shaking because I missed him so much and it hurt. thinking about it makes me teary. But I'm really happy now because I get to see him this weekend. His sis Simone(my little big sis(everyone is taller than me...I was the shortest high school student(only 100 students)) invited me over for the weekend and my mum said I could...so I get to see him all weekend! so no suicidal thoughts here...
Now I'm anxious...cheerful...sleepy...tired...and bored as all hells because I'm the only one in the office again...I think we should get a kitten for the office...gives me someone to play with when business is slow...
sorry that I'm rambling on...and there isn't much tradegy in it...lol
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zoe.11
evanlie wrote:I understand that my grandpa wasn't trying to hurt us, he just decided to not think of us. Depression runs in my family and I have been medicated for it as well. I decided to continue taking the medication so I wouldn't feel hopeless, sad and risk wanting to kill myself. I woke up every day feeling like I was here for no reason and had no hope. I feel like the only think that kept me going was knowing what would happen to my family if I decided to lose control and do the worst.
I'm hopeful that you know your family loves you and I hope that gives you the strength it will take for you to stay here with us for awhile to come
Thank you, evanlie. I know my family loves me, and I definetly try, my Dr. even doubled my meds. I just wish I could think when I get that low. You know, its like I am on autopilot and not in control of anything. I will try to stay strong. Thank you for the encouragement!
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NightRose
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First of all...*BIG HUG* You deserve to live. You always deserve that. No matter what you think you've done or what happens, you always deserve to live and be happy.Imalorki wrote: though I had those days I wanted to die because I didn't deserve to live.
This girl at school(I'm now graduated) that I thought was my friend but is just a lying sack of excrement...she tried to overdose...8 ibuprofen and 4 aspirin at once...that was one day
But the strange thing about that...is that if she hadn't of taken those pills...and been sent to the hospital...they wouldn't have found out she had a serious kidney infection...or so she says. I don't believe anything she says anymore...didn't really to begin with because of my instincts which I didn't really trust back then.
Second of all...your friend? Well, I'd believe she did it for attention, reading your story...and honestly? I went through a pill-popping phase in late high school/early college, back when I was suicidal. I took more than that in a day and never had any bad effects. If she reacted that badly to it, it's entirely possible that she did have a liver or kidney problem (or was just overreacting for the drama of it). But a lot of people who try to kill themselves are asking for help, and that might have been her cry out. I'm glad to hear she was sent to the hospital and got some help.
i'm so deeply sorry for everyone's losses. i, too, had my best friend hang himself and unfortunately i was the one who had the displeasure of finding him. that was about 5 years ago. and for most of the 5 years, i had been so angry at jason for hurting me, my family , our friends and their families, and his family. i for the longest time thought of him as HIM being selfish...while in reality I was the one who was being selfish. i was being selfish in that i was lamenting over how he had hurt me and how he didn't try to come to any of us for help.
i'm not calling anyone selfish here, but we need to remember that the reason a person kills him/herself is NOT because they are seeking out to hurt those around them, but because they simply cannot handle the current life they are in. as a person who believes in multiple lifetimes, i came to the conclusion that my best friend jason did not kill himself because of selfishness, but because he could not bear to live in this lifetime. his life here on earth with me and our other friends was too painful and filled with too much bad energy and he did not know how to deal with it. this is why when someone tells a suicidal person to just "suck it up", it doesn't do a thing to help.
those who take their own lives found this lifetime too hard to be in and therefore found the only escape they could think of. yes, it hurts us, but we need to remember that it was most likely the only way they could escape the pain and whatever agony they were facing in this lifetime, and that their decision to take their own lives were their own decisions. it was their life, their body, and their soul...so therefore we need to respect whatever decision they made with it.
i hope this helps in some way. someone here on this message board only earlier this year explained this all to me and although i've forgotten who they were (sorry my memory is HORRIBLE!!!) i will remember their words forever as they have helped me see past my pain and my sorrow.
i'm not calling anyone selfish here, but we need to remember that the reason a person kills him/herself is NOT because they are seeking out to hurt those around them, but because they simply cannot handle the current life they are in. as a person who believes in multiple lifetimes, i came to the conclusion that my best friend jason did not kill himself because of selfishness, but because he could not bear to live in this lifetime. his life here on earth with me and our other friends was too painful and filled with too much bad energy and he did not know how to deal with it. this is why when someone tells a suicidal person to just "suck it up", it doesn't do a thing to help.
those who take their own lives found this lifetime too hard to be in and therefore found the only escape they could think of. yes, it hurts us, but we need to remember that it was most likely the only way they could escape the pain and whatever agony they were facing in this lifetime, and that their decision to take their own lives were their own decisions. it was their life, their body, and their soul...so therefore we need to respect whatever decision they made with it.
i hope this helps in some way. someone here on this message board only earlier this year explained this all to me and although i've forgotten who they were (sorry my memory is HORRIBLE!!!) i will remember their words forever as they have helped me see past my pain and my sorrow.
love always,
emmi
emmi
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Starwitch Stone
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I'm sorry about your friend Jason. That's really sad.
I agree with you that people who commit suicide usually aren't doing it to hurt their friends and family. They are in a pit of despair and can see no other way out than through suicide. It's too bad that there isn't more help for people like that (GOOD help, not regular help). I believe that there really are ways that people can improve their state of mind and their life, but you do need the motivation to do that and depressed people often do not have the motivation to get out of bed, much less have the energy to learn about the power of thought and how to pull themselves out of the depression they are in. It's so hopeless when you're in that state. I've been depressed a few times and it's like a terrible devil takes over your mind and fills it with horrible thoughts. Maybe that IS what happens, who knows? Maybe we are supposed to learn to be strong enough to fight it off. I guess for most of us it takes many, many lifetimes to learn how to do that.
Bright Blessings,
I agree with you that people who commit suicide usually aren't doing it to hurt their friends and family. They are in a pit of despair and can see no other way out than through suicide. It's too bad that there isn't more help for people like that (GOOD help, not regular help). I believe that there really are ways that people can improve their state of mind and their life, but you do need the motivation to do that and depressed people often do not have the motivation to get out of bed, much less have the energy to learn about the power of thought and how to pull themselves out of the depression they are in. It's so hopeless when you're in that state. I've been depressed a few times and it's like a terrible devil takes over your mind and fills it with horrible thoughts. Maybe that IS what happens, who knows? Maybe we are supposed to learn to be strong enough to fight it off. I guess for most of us it takes many, many lifetimes to learn how to do that.
Bright Blessings,
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Bruby
Medication is not the answer to our problems, and depression only 'runs in families' because they keep on passing on a failed pattern of living and a failed pattern of dealing with problems. If you are depressed that means you are stuck in a pattern that doesn't work. Powerful emotions are there to tell us something is not working, something needs to be looked into, it is like when you break your leg and it hurts like hell, but when you break the leg you don't need just painkillers but someone to mend it.evanlie wrote:I understand that my grandpa wasn't trying to hurt us, he just decided to not think of us. Depression runs in my family and I have been medicated for it as well. I decided to continue taking the medication so I wouldn't feel hopeless, sad and risk wanting to kill myself. I woke up every day feeling like I was here for no reason and had no hope. I feel like the only think that kept me going was knowing what would happen to my family if I decided to lose control and do the worst.
I'm hopeful that you know your family loves you and I hope that gives you the strength it will take for you to stay here with us for awhile to come
You need to find help, therapy, pills just flatten your emotions and disconnect you from them without helping with the main issue which stays there unresolved. Psychiatric medication also has terrible consequences on a long run and you don't want to go there.
hi
i wish i could live without the heavy medications i am on, i'm bipolar 1 and have BPD borderline personality disorder. when i could deal with life in general i would SI "self injury" i'd slash my arms, while my parents screaming about my hair and threatened to cut it off, I don't believe my parents care about me it's all about the looks and wants me to marry this guy who is 10 years older then me I told him no drop dead, my parents freaked out. I sabbed myself in the chest while i was in the tub my mom found me and they called 911. since then i'v been in alberta mental hospital for three months. I was plauged of horrorbile visions of undead wanting help and some try and choke me at that time i didn't understand it was visions i was seeing so travis sanders told me.
they tried tons of different medication and nothing worked on the last combo of medication i lied that i didn't see anything so i can go home. I felt so trapped there, so much negative enegery there. So i know these visions are real and not all in my head.
blessed be
i wish i could live without the heavy medications i am on, i'm bipolar 1 and have BPD borderline personality disorder. when i could deal with life in general i would SI "self injury" i'd slash my arms, while my parents screaming about my hair and threatened to cut it off, I don't believe my parents care about me it's all about the looks and wants me to marry this guy who is 10 years older then me I told him no drop dead, my parents freaked out. I sabbed myself in the chest while i was in the tub my mom found me and they called 911. since then i'v been in alberta mental hospital for three months. I was plauged of horrorbile visions of undead wanting help and some try and choke me at that time i didn't understand it was visions i was seeing so travis sanders told me.
they tried tons of different medication and nothing worked on the last combo of medication i lied that i didn't see anything so i can go home. I felt so trapped there, so much negative enegery there. So i know these visions are real and not all in my head.
blessed be
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Bruby
You just need psychotherapy. But that takes time and money, so it's easier for doctors to prescribe medication. Unfortunately on long run there are so many problems caused by those that you might want to consider the alternative. It is of course, up to the person, but it is best to know what you are looking at when you start on psychiatric drugs and many doctors don't warn YOU ABOUT THOSE. you can have a look for further info:
www.breggin.com
www.breggin.com