I Chose Forward, What About You?

[Luna*Cat]

Merry Meet

I have a very close friend who is not very well at the moment, and part of our comunications is to send each other funny and meaningfull e-mails which we can pass round. Here is the one she sent me today and I felt that I should share it with everyone.
This is how the E-mail goes:

I chose Forward, What about you?

[Very typical forwarded chain letter has been deleted.]

[Aubrey Rose5]

aww thats so nice

[Starwitch]

Owww, what a sweet forwarded email. I hope you didn't send it to everyone in your address book like it suggests. Do you know how spammers get many of their email addresses? It's from people who send forwards - there are usually about 500 addresses on each forward, including yours and all your best friends and the 500 or more other people who got it before you. When you send that forward to someone like me, I don't read it. I simply run my spammer program on it and it extracts all the email addresses. Then I send my Viagra and casino email spam to all those people. Then I sell those addresses to other spam companies who send you more Viagra and sexy teenage girls emails. I think if people MUST send forwards (which I wish they wouldn't, but my wish will never come true) then the least they could do is delete all the old addresses and <<<<< those things and all the headers and crap before sending it on. Then, they should use the BCC (Blind Carbon Copy) instead of the CC or TO boxes, so that you aren't giving everyone's address to everyone else.

I have a great forward I would like to share with you. For those of you who hate chain letters as much as I do, this is a good one to send back to anyone who sends you chain letters. (I didn't write this, by the way, but I wish I had.)

______________________________________________

Hello, My name is _________. I am suffering from seven rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being mauled by squirrels, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a potato growing out of her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll meet the girl (or guy) of my dreams tomorrow! What a bunch of junk. So basically, this message is directed to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil letter leprechauns will come into my house and write "I'm a moron" on my forehead in permanent marker in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by a knight of the round table and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

What a bunch of BS.

So basically, this message is a big F*!% YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come to my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain that was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought over to this country by pilgrims on the Mayflower. If it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

If you're going to forward something, at least send something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" emails about 9000 times. I don't give a @&%#! Show a little bit of intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.

Another response to a chain letter:

I recently received your chain letter. Over 1,000 people have sent me chain letters, and every one of them has died within 70 years, probably from the "Chain Letter Sender's Curse." You will probably die soon if you experience any of the following symptoms:

a. tiredness at bedtime
b. hunger just before lunch
c. inability to remember your license plate number
d. stupidity

Ok, here are the seven basic types of chain letters ...



THE SEVEN BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:



Chain Letter Type 1:







(scroll down)

















(scroll down)













Make a wish!!!



















No, really, go on and make one!!!















Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!















Wish something else!!!









No, I'm sorry, we're out of ponies at the time being!!















Have you forgotten why you're scrolling yet?















STOP!!!!

Wasn't that fun?

Hope you made a great wish Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be kidnapped by ninja elves and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:

*Send this to 1 person: One person will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.

*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.

Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

*******************************************

Chain Letter Type 2:

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of junk. So go on reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly!!! Thanks again!!

*******************************************

Chain Letter Type 3:

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad email addicts with nothing better to do. So this is how it works: 1. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

*Bizzare Horro Story #1 Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poop, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died too. This Could Happen To You!!!

*Bizarre Horror Story # 2 Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was crushed by an anvil that was dropped by a plane that just happened to be flying directly above him. This Could Happen To You Too!!! 2. Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your friends, and everything will be okay.

*******************************************

Chain Letter Type 4:

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends. Friends
Blah, Blah, Blah,
Friends,
Blah, Blah, Blah.

A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on! If you don't, no one will like you for as long as you live. I mean it, as long as you live.

*******************************************

Chain Letter Type #5

This e-mail is wicked-cool! It was started by Microsoft to test its e-mail tracking system because, you know, a big high-tech company like Microsoft always sends important new software out over the Internet to be available to any moron who can operate a computer, right?

Plus, they have formed a secret merger with Disney Corp, who has agreed to give up millions of dollars in revenue by giving everyone who reads this e-mail, passes it on, looks at it, knows someone that looked at it, or is related to someone who is a friend of someone who looks at it A FREE, ALL-EXPENSES-PAID TRIP to Disneyland, DisneyWorld, or EuroDisney! So pass this on to everyone you know who is gullible enough to believe this! Even if it's not true, insulting all of your friends by implying that they are gullible by sending this to them is worth the improbable chance that you could go to Disneyland! Even if you lose all of your friends because they are tired of receiving this kind of junk from you, it's worth the chance, right? And just for good measure, if you don't send this on, Microsoft will send its specially trained attack-goats to pilfer your house and eat all of your family, So Pass This On!!

*******************************************

Chain Letter Type #6

VIRUS WARNING!!! If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, messes up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you attempt to play. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will program your phone AutoDial to call only your mother-in-law's number. So be careful!

Forward this to all of your friends, relatives, neighbors, family, enemies, plumbers, garbage men, stock brokers, doctors, and any other acquaintances! It's for their own good! Thank you.

*******************************************

Chain Letter Type #7

Here is a cute picture I drew.

(\ /)

( \ / )

( \ / )

( /<>\ )

( /\/\ )

/ \ __

( ) ( )

~~~~~~~~

It is a decapitated angel. Send it on to all of your friends so it will brighten their day like it did yours! If you don't, demon-possessed goats will move into your house and eat all of your socks, leading you to believe that something is wrong with your washing machine because all of your socks keep disappearing. Have a nice day!!!

*******************************************

Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it.

*Don't annoy people by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only chance of living is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?

*******Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll find all your socks missing tomorrow morning.

[Starwitch]

Here is a page I added to my website that has some funny and mean articles about forwarded emails. If you are the type of person who sends forwards to everyone in your address book (and I know there are people here that are doing that because I receive them from you), then you need to read these pages so you will know how the rest of the world feels about what you are doing. Basically, only young girls between the ages of 10-15 send forwards and if you are NOT a young girl aged 10-15, people will assume that you are if you forward chain emails. Here is the link:

http://www.everythingunderthemoon.net/f ... emails.htm

I know you are going to post now and tell me that you don't really believe the chain letters that tell you that you MUST forward it to 10 people or something bad will happen to you (or if you DO forward it, something good will happen.) You only forward them because of the inspirational story that you want to share with everyone. I know, I know. (I don't believe you.) It's all bullshit. All of the stories are made-up, even ones about little retarded boys playing softball. No kid wants a retarded boy on their team because they would lose the game if they had him. If they LET him win, like in the story, then he will come back every day and want to play again and again. Little kids are the same way. They always have to play every game that the grown-ups are playing. They always suck and never know what they're doing. They don't want to "partner" with someone else like they should (so they really wouldn't be playing). It sucks. Yes, I'm mean. I'm evil. I don't like forwards, or kids, or retarded people. But on a positive note, I DO like Triscuits with Easy Cheese on them. Yay for Easy Cheese! Maybe I'll make another post about retarded and deformed people. I would like to hear people's opinions on something I've been thinking about. Also, this morning I was lying in bed awake, with various thoughts running through my head and all of a sudden I heard a voice in my head say, "Beth's dead." Odd. Beth is my aunt. She lives in another town a few hours away. I've not heard anything from my family, so I'm assuming it was a fluke and that she is alive and well. Let's hope so. She is only around 35 years old.

[[scifichick]]

That anti-chain letter was hilarious LMAO I couldn't stop laughing. My sister always forwards all that stuff to me, I am proud to say it ends with me I like the funny ones though, I don't mind those.