Everything Under the Moon

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I completely sympathize with you. Recently I was shocked to discover how deep the sexism in my family runs, and exactly how chauvinist my father was and is towards my mother, leading to decades of emotional abuse at his hand (he has always been emotionally abusive to me, but it was horrifying to learn he had been far worse to my mother). Not to mention that I think the past few years in general have been remarkably bad for gender equality (e.g. the rollback in reproductive rights in the US).

I take some comfort in that so long as there are people who try to speak against sexism, change will happen, however slowly or stubbornly. In the last 50 years gender equality has come a long way - hell, even in the past 5 years or so we've seen unprecedented progress in LGBTQ rights. And when I say "speak against sexism", I think it applies in both big and small ways - whether it's becoming a politician and enacting change or something as seemingly minor as making sure both partners in a relationship do equal amounts of housework or calling someone out on sexist jokes. We are all agents in change, and change will happen so long as we continue to ask for it.

Hey Violet flower, I can sympathize with you, we are surrounded by sexist garbage all the time. I deal too with it at work, only in a kinda different way, as my boss is gay and seems to think everyone in the world is gay and just hasn't realized it yet. He is also very emotionally and verbally abusive, so going to work is not always fun, even though I really love my profession. The hours I get work well with my health issues, or I would try to get another job. Heck, I might still look for another job. In any case, I have recently started going to Al-Anon, because of issues with my husband. I am beginning to realize that I don't have to be involved in another's opinion if I don't agree with it. The hardest thing in the world is not to react. I was all about reacting. I think you have done much towards safe guarding yourself from the media world, If I could have my way, there would be no TV in this house at all.!! Unfortunately my process has been a relatively slow one, but I am very grateful for the steps I have traveled thus far.
I don't know if this was helpful at all, just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
Blessings, Firebird

Xiao Rong wrote:I completely sympathize with you. Recently I was shocked to discover how deep the sexism in my family runs, and exactly how chauvinist my father was and is towards my mother, leading to decades of emotional abuse at his hand (he has always been emotionally abusive to me, but it was horrifying to learn he had been far worse to my mother). Not to mention that I think the past few years in general have been remarkably bad for gender equality (e.g. the rollback in reproductive rights in the US).

I take some comfort in that so long as there are people who try to speak against sexism, change will happen, however slowly or stubbornly. In the last 50 years gender equality has come a long way - hell, even in the past 5 years or so we've seen unprecedented progress in LGBTQ rights. And when I say "speak against sexism", I think it applies in both big and small ways - whether it's becoming a politician and enacting change or something as seemingly minor as making sure both partners in a relationship do equal amounts of housework or calling someone out on sexist jokes. We are all agents in change, and change will happen so long as we continue to ask for it.

I really like your positive perspective. I don't want to lose sight of positive changes, or of the need to speak out against wrongdoing.

firebirdflys wrote:Hey Violet flower, I can sympathize with you, we are surrounded by sexist garbage all the time. I deal too with it at work, only in a kinda different way, as my boss is gay and seems to think everyone in the world is gay and just hasn't realized it yet. He is also very emotionally and verbally abusive, so going to work is not always fun, even though I really love my profession. The hours I get work well with my health issues, or I would try to get another job. Heck, I might still look for another job. In any case, I have recently started going to Al-Anon, because of issues with my husband. I am beginning to realize that I don't have to be involved in another's opinion if I don't agree with it. The hardest thing in the world is not to react. I was all about reacting. I think you have done much towards safe guarding yourself from the media world, If I could have my way, there would be no TV in this house at all.!! Unfortunately my process has been a relatively slow one, but I am very grateful for the steps I have traveled thus far.
I don't know if this was helpful at all, just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
Blessings, Firebird

Yes, it was quite helpful, and thank you for sharing your perspective. I have been part of a 12-Step group for codependents and co-addicts and I am a huge believer in that system. I too am learning to not be reactive. At the end of the day, I don't ask myself, how was my day, but how was *I* today? I used to recount all the wrongdoings of my day, but now I just think about my behavior, or try to! LOL.

Thank you for not feeling judgmental about my no-TV. When I happen to see television (which unfortunately is in every restaurant nowadays, several flat-screen TV's everywhere) I feel kind of shocked by it. It's like everything on it is so blatantly manipulative, or exploitive. I can't imagine having it in my house.

I learned from this series of situations that it's important to appear strong; otherwise you will attract people who prey on your vulnerabilities.

Violet Flower Witch wrote:I learned from this series of situations that it's important to appear strong; otherwise you will attract people who prey on your vulnerabilities.

It's like what this lady taught in this self-defense for women course I took once. "Appear" confident, she said, even when you don't feel that way. Appearing strong is sometimes the best defense, better than gadgets like tasers, pepper spray, etc.

For instance, she taught us to walk with purpose, like you have somewhere you have to be, and you will not let anyone stand in the way of your getting there. Predators choose the weaker-looking prey because they know they will put up less of a fight. So she emphasized we don't meander when in public, look around at everybody, generally appear to be a lost victim giving out a "help me, please" vibe.

I guess women have to apply that philosophy to all scenarios in every sphere of their lives on this wretched planet. I sense the pain you experienced as it comes through in this story. Thanks for sharing your difficult experience with us. No doubt, your insights will help others going through the same, or a similar, thing.



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I want to bump this discussion for the excellent perspectives on fighting gender inequality coming from Xiao Rong, firebirdflys, and Kassandra.

I'm not sure I should have posted it in this section of the forum, though.

I think a dialogue between feminism and paganism is an important one, and recently, taking a "Feminist Theory" course, I've been reflecting on the relationship between twentieth-century paganism and "second wave feminism." I am also currently reading Margot Adler's Drawing Down the Moon, which provides in-depth analysis on some of those connections.

Coming at this topic seven years later after my initial query, I believe much more in the importance of reflection and analysis with regard to facing sexual harassment and discrimination in the workplace, and taking strategic action. Because unequal power relations are a component of this kind of abuse, it's not always possible to stand and fight. And in line with Xiao Rong's thinking in the post above, it's all the more important to "speak against sexism" when you're in a position to do so.

I learned that you have to be prepared for people to take the defensive, and defend the offender. The person who harassed me was defended socially, if not legally. I study and work in a university now; sexual harassment issues are there, too. Being in "liberal-land" doesn't change the dynamic.

Much of my career was in a female dominant environment. (Physician Assistant) I have encountered a fair share of animosity as a male but have always looked beyond human ignorance (I have never thought humans were very bright as a general rule). There are many intelligent people but not so many wise people who are spiritual and in tune with the universe. "Fly in the clear mountain air far above the flock" we can't change the mindset of the preponderance of humanity but we do not have to hover in their toxic environment.

I understand what you're saying Shekinah. Society still tends to peg doctors as male, while "allowing" female physician assistants and nurses of every level. I've worked with some really good ones, and some that should not be in the medical field.