Well, that's that

[Dragonmaiden] · Post by **[Dragonmaiden]** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 7:38 am

I had a discussion with my ex yesterday which was long overdue about everything that has gone on the past few months. It turns out that he started acting like an ass and being a jerk because he wanted me to dump him....why? Well, it seems he just doesn't love me anymore but he didn't have the heart to tell me that. Yes, he actually said that to me, to my face.

I feel like an idiot - all this time I've been thinking - believing actually - that he was miserable without me and that he wanted us to get back together but was too proud to say anything so to hear him say that rocked me to the core. I'm proud of myself though - I didn't cry, or yell or scream - I just sat there very calmly and said "oh, I see."

He said he still cares about me very much and still wants me in his life but he wants us to be "best friends". When I asked him to define that, because I've never HAD a male best friend before and I wouldn't know what to do with one he said it would be just like any of my female best friends only male - we hang out sometimes, talk about whats going on in our lives but there's no physical or romantic anything. I told him I can try but that I've never had a male best friend before and I've certainly never been in love with one and I don't know if I know HOW to be his best friend. That was pretty much the end of the conversation.

My housemate, his brother, says that it's bullshit, that he KNOWS my ex still loves me and he has no idea why he would say otherwise. I told him that it doesn't matter anymore, I have to believe what my ex said and that's that. Of course, after he went back to his room I had yet another emotional breakdown - after being broken up for almost a month now, I didn't think it would still hurt so damned much.

Why does it still hurt so damned much?

I'm sorry I'm dumping this on you guys but I really have no one else to talk to - all of my friends think I should hate him and never even want to speak to him again.

BB

June

Post by **sheherazade** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 8:22 am

DON'T be his "best friend"....don't even to agree to make an attempt.it'll just break your heart.
do whatever nessecary to keep away from him & news of him & eventually you'll be fine.
if he ever asks you to be his "best friend" again,ask him if you can come to him w/ questions,tales & details of the new men in your life & then tell him to shove it up his a**.
some men are just rediculous.they'll do anything NOT to be seen as the bad guy.
STAY AWAY FROM HIM unless you want a nervous breakdown.

[Dragonmaiden] · Post by **[Dragonmaiden]** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 9:55 am

Honestly, I think I've been having mini-nervous breakdowns for the last 2 months. You're probably right about staying away from him completely, but thats another thing I'm not sure I can do because I WOULD like to be his friend again....I just don't know if its possible after all we've been though. Hence my insanity.

BB

June

Post by **sheherazade** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 10:45 am

of course you WOULD like to be his friend again...
it's just NOT possible RIGHT NOW.
please,take it from experience.

Post by **[scifichick]** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 11:59 am

I am with sheherazade on this one. There are too many feelings involved at this point to just be his friend. You are still hurt, how can you be his friend, knowing he's the one who hurt you?

[Dragonmaiden] · Post by **[Dragonmaiden]** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 12:38 pm

I know and you're both right. That's why I told him that I would TRY but I couldn't promise anything and I also told him that I don't know if I know HOW to be just his friend. Knowing myself, I don't believe that I CAN do it right now, maybe someday in the future but not now. I have no intention of contacting him - I actually have no reason to anyway - and he's nto supposed to be back in my area until the 23rd so that, thankfully, gives me a couple weeks to pull myself together before I have to have any kind of contact with him again.

I guess I'm just stunned because this was the last thing I was expecting from him.

Thanks again

BB

June

Post by **lek** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 5:38 pm

He sounds like a coward. Didn't have the balls to be honest with you about his feelings so he decided to try and hurt you to get you to leave him.

And NOW he wants to be friends? Tell him to go to hell.

Any more cut and dry advice I can offer ?

Post by **[scifichick]** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 6:12 pm

I am with Lek on this one again! Lek, write something that doesn't make sence so I can disagree with you!

June, don't be his friend, you can't trust him. Friends are there for support, someone you can lean on when the going is tough. You can't rely on him, and he makes your life worse! What kind of man would hurt his girlfriend on purpose, so she'll leave him?! And, his brother says he doesn't understand why he's saying this, it's not true and so forth. Think about it, even if it's not true, now he's lying to you. Why? He's hurting you any way you look at it. He doesn't deserve you as a friend. He's gone for few weeks? Great! Enjoy that time, get some inner strength and move on. Now you really have a reason to move on. You know he's just a jerk!
I know I'm being harsh and I'm sorry. Please don't get defensive. I think you know all of this already. Oh, relationships and lying just gets me going

Post by **lek** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 7:07 pm

scifichick wrote:
I am with Lek on this one again! Lek, write something that doesn't make sence so I can disagree with you! Laughing

Sorry, I'm just too good to not make sense. But you're clearly intelligent, you agree with me.

Post by **[scifichick]** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 7:41 pm

lek wrote: Sorry, I'm just too good to not make sense. But you're clearly intelligent, you agree with me.

LMAO!

missy · Post by **missy** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 9:31 pm

Hi June,
I can tell you not to be his friend, But that is entirely up to you. Only you have to figure it out that he is NO good for you. Why try to be his friend when that's all he does is hurt you, The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

Do you really want to do that to yourself? I doubt that you will be there listening to all his stories about his other women and having fun doing things without you. Please don't do that to yourself, You WILL have a nervous breakdown. He is not worth it!!!

Jacqueline~

[Dragonmaiden] · Post by **[Dragonmaiden]** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 4:37 pm

missj544 wrote: The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them. Do you really want to do that to yourself? Jacqueline~

No, I don't. I know I can't be his friend - its far too soon and it still does hurt way too much - even if it WAS bullshit I don't need that kind of bullshit in my life right now.

I have a vague idea of when he will be here to pick my housemate up, and I have asked my housemate to try to give me at least a couple days notice so I can have something ready to become involved in once I walk through the door - whether it's putting laundry away (on the other side of the house), loading the dishwasher, mowing the lawn, SOMETHING that will allow me to walk in the house, say a casual hello but not have to hang around out here where he will be. Eventually maybe I will be able to chat for a few moments with him, and I certainly don't intend to be rude towards him but until I don't feel that stab of pain in my heart every time I remember hearing him say the words "I don't love you anymore" I refuse to torture myself by being his "buddy". If he truly cares about me as much as he says he does, he will understand that.

Thank you to everyone for putting up with me during this ordeal with allof my incoherant posts. I also want everyone to know that I have removed the cucumber from the freezer - I no longer care if he can "get it up" 0r not - it's not my business any longer - and as this Saturday is the full moon, I will release the spell. (BTW - a melted cuke is NOT a pretty sight LOL). I rally had no right to work that spell anyway and I hope the Goddess can forgive my petty jealousy and need for revenge.

BB

June

Post by moonwitch* » Tue Sep 13, 2005 11:26 pm

I have to say I agree with everyone.. just stay away form him ... I had a ex boy friend like that... it never works out... he is just being a pig.... you are too good for him and he knows it... you just remember that....