Long December

[QueenVictoria]

Last month my SO was diagnosed with cancer. On December 5th he passed away. He was my one true love and the father of my children. We were together 20 years and even though we got divorced, we never really broke up. He was a hard headed Capricorn and could be a big jerk at times. But he was my big jerk and I miss him terribly. He was a big tough guy, but he was sweet to me. Apparently he was very sick for a long time and didn't know. It was so sudden, and he was so young, only 39. I am finding it especially difficult at this time of year.

[Firebird]

Dearest Victoria, am so terribly sorry, December must have been very hard for you and the boys,
I am sending you light, please feel free to PM me anytime.
blessings of healing to you and your family
Firebird

[QueenVictoria]

Thank you Firebird. I'm really having a hard time. Even though I put on a brave face, I feel like I'm walking around in a daze. I'm just going through the motions of my days. It's like I'm on autopilot. I feel disconnected from everyone and everything. I eat and sleep and go to work and check my FB, but I feel like the world has lost it's color or flavor. Nothing has any meaning. Things I use to enjoy are not as enjoyable. Songs on the radio mock me. Part of me knows that it will get better with time, but another part wants to wallow in my grief and be consumed by it. It's the only thing that is real to me. I didn't really expect any replies here. I posted mostly just to vent. I have to be strong for my family even though I feel anything but strong.

[Echo_of_shadows]

Bright Blessings and Warmest Light, in this tough time. May you find comfort and peace with those you love.

[Firebird]

oh honey, That must be very hard. It is so tough to be feeling so bad, that grief monster is an unpredictable one. Glad you felt safe enough to vent here...sometimes we just need someone to lean on. Blessings to you, Firebird

[__Oracle__]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss I am sending lots of positive energy your way. I hope things get better for you.

[QueenVictoria]

Thank you to Echo, Oracle, and again to Firebird. You are all very kind. I'm rather new to this Forum and haven't posted very much. Since I've been feeling very overwhelmed and isolated, being able to share my story and feelings here means the world to me. Hopefully as I heal from this, I will learn and grow as a person. But right now it is still so fresh and raw that I fear I may drowned in the sorrow. I only just became able to speak of it without tearing up.
Anyway your blessings and energy are much appreciated and accepted with utmost gratitude and respect. Allowing me this outlet is more helpful than you can imagine.

[Xiao Rong]

I'm really, really sorry for your loss, Victoria ... I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. Sending love and light your way ...

[Kassandra]

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Condolences on your loss, QueenVictoria.


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[QueenVictoria]

Today is HIS birthday. He would have been 40 today. *sigh*

[Firebird]

Ahhh, a Capricorn.
Dear Queen...have you considered a grief counselor?, or some kind of loss support group? Maybe the kids could benefit too, as you probably know most teens tend to hold things in.
You are in my thoughts,
Firebird

[SnowCat]

Sometimes you need to just go ahead and wallow. You're the best judge of how you're feeling, and everyone heals in their own way in their own time.

Hugs,

Frosty

[QueenVictoria]

Thanks again to all who replied here. I am getting closer to putting this behind me and moving on. It was just so difficult at first because I was unable to take any time off work, and it was the Holidays. Don't get me wrong, I'm not over it by any means and the smallest things can still bring a tear to my eye. But, each day it gets a little less painful and a little easier to bear. I will never forget him or stop thinking of him. He was such a big part of my life for such a long time. Our sons need me to be here and present for them, especially now, so I am making every effort to pull myself together.

[QueenVictoria]

Jason's alter/shrine.

[Firebird]

Sweet simple and beautiful
thanks for sharing Queen.
BB, FF