What do you think happens when a baby dies?

[Pinkpower_80]

I'm not trying to upset anyone, and I realize that this is a triggering topic. With that said, I want to share some of my story and find out y'alls opinion of what you think happens when a baby dies. Whether that be in utero or even as a really young child. If this should be in the loss forum, please feel free to move it.

I will give the "cliffs notes" version of my losses, because the actual story is very long.

I have had many miscarriages, but the worst loss I have ever felt was when my son was stillborn when I was 8 months pregnant. I had a complete placental abruption and nearly died myself. My entire pregnancy with him was rough, I had bleeding off & on and constant nightmares about him dying. I remember the 1st dream I had after finding out I was pregnant. It was actually the same day that I found out. In the dream, I was in a hospital room surrounded by my family and friends. Everyone was crying & sad. People were taking turns holding him and saying goodbye. Then they gave him back to me. I saw his little face, his hair, everything. I kept holding his little hands & begging him to come back to me. That dream haunted me throughout the pregnancy, and it still haunts me. The most haunting part is that is exactly how it was when it actually happened. The same people were there saying the same things, and he looked identical to how he did in my dream.
I had other very graphic dreams about his death beforehand as well, but unless I'm asked I will not go into them. They are just so terrible & graphic.


I had him cremated & I have his urn in a stuffed pupped dog called a huggable urn. Many times when I am upset, I will hold him and cry my heart out to him. It has been 9 years and I still ache for him. I imagine that I always will. I also have a special locket that I wear with a pinch of his ashes in it.

I was blessed enough to be able to take tons of pictures, and the hospital even allowed me to spend the whole night holding him. Handing him over was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I wanted to die too. They gave me blood transfusion after transfusion but I didn't want them. They told me I would die without them, and that my husband (now ex) would sign the consent if I didn't.

The week of his death, I refer to as my "hell week". March 5 was my baby shower, March 6 I got everything put together & washed for him, March 7 I went to my first childbirth class, March 8 I went into labor & started bleeding but the hospital sent me home. March 9 he died during birth, march 10 the funeral home picked him up, March 11 I planned his funeral, March 12th was his funeral. One Saturday was my baby shower and the next Saturday was his funeral.
Not long after he died, I saw my chihuahua sitting up on my bed, with her toys. She was in a begging position the way she did when she wanted someone to play with her. No one was in the room, though. To this day, I believe she saw him there.

I still feel him from time to time, but when I sense him it feels like a mature presence. I just KNOW in my heart that it's him though. What I would give to be able to talk to him.

My 4 yo was born on the day before his 5th birthday. She would've been born on his birthday had the hospital not given me meds to speed things along. She was nearly 2 months early, but for both of our safety they decided to induce me. I was alrwady in labor on my own though. I have mentioned that I was raped by her biological father. Finding out I was pregnant with her saved my life because I had planned to commit suicide after the rape. I found out I was pregnant with her the day before I had planned to do it. Even though I was given the morning after pill in the hospital.

Could she be a gift from him, or even be a part of him?

I am sorry this is long & depressing. For some reason I felt compelled to post this. I've felt that nudge for a while but I am finally giving in. Maybe there is something in my story that is important to someone here. Thank you for reading. <3

Blessed Be,
Pink

[random417]

Hi. Sorry it took me so long to reply, I was mulling over how to give you an answer that was both true to what I believe and honors all the pain and trouble you've been through. (Hugs by the way)

I believe that a soul chooses their birth, right up to choosing their parents, and gender. Exactly when that soul takes its place in the body is debatable, but I figure it's either at the first practice breath in utero, at about 8-9 weeks, when a fetus becomes aware at about 2 months into a pregnancy, or after birth with the baby's first breath. Breath was tied to souls in many cultures.

My thought on your situation is that his soul missed the opportunity the first time around, and wanted you as a parent so badly that he came back. Given even the slightest chance he came back.

Treat her as herself, different body, different personality but my thought is that your 2 kids share a soul, because that soul was extra drawn to you

[Pinkpower_80]

Thank you random. <3 I am torn on the thought.

I had a miscarriage when I was about 3 months along just a few months before I got pregnant with Charlotte. The relationship I was in ended after that. I was really upset and have often wondered if that baby came back to me as Charlotte.
I feel in my heart that my son had a huge part in sending her to me, and keeping her alive in my womb. Both of us nearly died during that pregnancy. I had to give myself 4 blood thinner injections a day, I had "morning" sickness ALL the time (hyperemesis gravardium? Not sure on the spelling), I even had to have major surgery to have my right ovary & tube removed when I was almost 6 months along due to a cyst rupture causing the ovary & tube to twist and die. I tell you what, that is a pain that rivaled the abruption and childbirth with no pain meds!
She was supposed to be here, no matter what. I call her my little survivor because she survived more before her birth than most people go through in a lifetime.

I have an 8 yo daughter that was born a year after my son. She was also premature & had a lot of issues at birth. She is healthy now. My ex screwed me over big time with custody when she was almost 2 and he still has her because my back was broken, I was in a wheelchair & I have epilepsy. I know i couldn't take care of her myself, but he should have worked with me, not against me. Going through that caused me to attempt suicide because he was so cruel to me and I was weak from still grieving my son, plus I had PPD after her birth really bad. I grieved her loss too, in a different way. He does his best to keep her from me still, just because he can. It won't be that way forever though.

I feel like I was given Charlotte as a reward for surviving. Maybe I was raped by her biological father because that way I would never have to worry about someone going on a power trip & trying to take her away from me like my ex did with our daughter.

I'm sorry that this is long and rambling. I had a hysterectomy 3 years ago, so no more babies for me. Which is a good thing given how crazy my body is.

[Sakura Blossom]

It seems like it could be possible, but I really don't know too much about this matter as I've never really put thought into it nor have I ever read up on it.

However, I can share what I've heard at least.

I've been told by others, that some believe that when children/babies pass on, their spirit can linger but it can change age if that makes sense. It's not because of their physical age, it's their soul. So they still have the opportunity, like any other spirits, to come to you in any way they deem fit. Be that as a spirit at a certain age, or even reincarnating into a child that you have later on because you miss them and they miss you.

I know that this is a common belief for pets. I can't tell you how many times myself or my friends will say "Wow! This pet is just like so and so who passed away!" It's usually because they missed you and loved you so much, they come back in that way.

Hopefully that gives some kind of help?

[ness]

Hi Pinkpower! My heart broke just reading your story. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I have a 1 year old, and as someone who was recently pregnant, I can't imagine the birth of a stillborn!

What happens when a baby dies? I believe we all live this life until we solve the purpose we are here for which is mostly to learn something. And we all have reasons why we are in each others life, good or bad. Your son's soul might just have had that learning and in the process put you through it too. It's hard to make sense of life and death sometimes and we always want to find some answers so we can deal with the pain. But the answer is within you. If you think your son is big part of the daughter coming to you, then that is what it is. Don't doubt it. You can't prove such intuitions, it can only be felt. Even if you son's time ended too soon, I am sure you both share a bond that will always be there... maybe through different life times. Maybe meditate and request to get some answers about your son. Try connecting to him on that plane?

[Pinkpower_80]

I can't tell y'all how good it feels to be able to talk about this with y'all. Most people around me just say "god needed him" and won't even let me entertain the possibility of something else. I know they are just trying to comfort me in their weird Christian way, but it mostly just comforts them.
It feels good to talk about the other possibilities, especially since I don't believe in the Christian idea of heaven. I used to, and when he passed I will admit that christianity was a comfort to me. It didn't last long though. I always knew there was more. Especially since I can feel him around me.

I am afraid that I am holding on to him too tightly and that I am keeping him from finding his peace. All of the tarot readings that I've had and that I've done keep telling me that I need to let go of something in order to find my own peace. I just don't know how to begin letting go of him again and the thought literally takes my breath away with grief.

[Xiao Rong]

Hey Pink! First of all, I'm very sorry for everything that you went for before, and also you are truly inspirational in how strong you are.

The second thing I was wondering is, since it is possible that the son you lost returned to you as your younger daughter, as Random suggested, perhaps what the Tarot is trying to tell you is not about letting go of your son in your heart, but about letting go of your grief from losing your son because he is here with you now in a different form ...

[Pinkpower_80]

Thank you Xiao, I really appreciate that. You make a very good point. For so long, I have held onto that grief. I think a part of me feels guilty if I let myself be completely happy. Kind of like survivors guilt. Right after he died, it took a long time just to let myself smile because I felt it was unfair to him that I was still alive and smiling. I don't feel it to that extreme anymore, but I think it's still there to some extent.

Logically, I know otherwise and that he wants me to be happy. When I hug my little girl, I always hug her an extra time because I don't have my other babies to hug. Being able to love on her makes me feel like I'm loving on them too, but especially him.

This thread is helping me so much. Being able to talk it out with others like this is helping me to see things in another light and work through it all.

[WillowMoon]

Personally I believe the child grows up in Spirit, although time is not exactly a concept over there but they do show themselves sometimes of how they would have been in the eyes of a Sitter that knows them. For example, my older brother passed to Spirit when he was young, but he shows himself coming through sometimes at 26, even though I did not know him as in his twenties, I still consider himself to be older than me as is part of the family, so definitely do feel that they do grow up or just show themselves in their older form if makes sense to some extent, if but you perceive it to be so. Just my cents-worth of thought Don't fret though as they are only a thought or two away so you could indeed contact them if you wish to do so from a mediumship point of view or good spirits communication but just remember to make sure your protections are up so as not to attract any not so great energies.

[Pinkpower_80]

Thank you Valori. That is often what I believe.

Christians are taught that when someone dies and goes to heaven, that the body takes on a perfect form and adjusts to the age of 33 (how old Jesus was supposed to be at the time of his death). I don't really agree because what about all the people who died before he did? Anyway, I don't wanna go off on that topic right now lol.

I do think that Spirits come to us how we remember or recognize them, but that (possibly) they take the form of themselves that they are most familiar & comfortable with.
When I sense him and see him in my mind, this is how he looks to me: Tall (about 6 ft), blonde hair, blue eyes (my 8yo has blonde hair & blue eyes too, but I saw him this way before she was even born), and he's about 20-25 yrs old in appearance. Only one time has he ever come to me as a baby, and that was in a dream right after he died.
I have even felt him hugging me and could clearly see it in my mind. He also giv3s me a sense of his personality and he even has a sense of humor (which is only fitting as I have a crazy one too lol, all of my kids do).

I feel like I know him, if that makes sense. Not just some idealized version of him, but actually him.
This is why I'm torn on whether or not he came back as my 4yo. Because he lets me know for sure when he is with me, ya know? The same with my Mamaw (she shot herself when I was 14). Sometimes they even come to me together. I think my Mamaw is one of my spirit guides, but that's another topic.

I should have some alone time on Monday and I may try to contact him.

[Seraphin]

Death of a baby is a devastating occurrence . So sorry for your loss...

One of the fundamental beliefs of Kabbalah is that life does not begin with birth, nor does it end with death. I also have to point out that a basic law of physics known as the First Law of Thermodynamics is that no energy is ever "vanished", disappeared or completely destroyed; it only changes and takes another form.

As random said, his soul just probably missed the opportunity the first time around but since he wanted you as her Mom that he came back but assumes another form. This is common belief in Yoruba. This is called "Atunwa", reincarnation within the family.

But it's also possible that souls choose to remain involved in the lives of those it leaves behind when it departs physical life like for example your Mamaw. Their soul watch over the lives of their love ones, to trace the reasons of their pain from and comfort them, and to intercede on their behalf before the Deities. In fact, because the soul is no longer restricted or bound by the limitations of the physical state, the relationship of the soul with his/her loved ones is, in many ways, even deeper and more meaningful than before.

Deep meditation and mediumship will surely help you to know and understand that all has been executed in some spiritual kaleidoscope.

[Pinkpower_80]

Thank you Seraphin. The fact that energy never "dies" has brought me much comfort over the years. Tonight or tomorrow, if all works out(my mom is supposed to get Charlotte today for a couple days) I plan to try to contact him or my mamaw. It'll be the first time I actually *try* to reach them.