Given the fact that this is actively troubling me right now, I hope to figure this out as fast as I can. It is long, I apologize to be posting such a long thread as a newbie. I just don't know who else I could tell this and find answers.
- The short version is I am a hobby illustrator and have been writing on a comic book since 2003. I wrote down the story before actually drawing much. And now very much of the story is becoming true in my life. Particularly the love story part.
I based said story on dreams I have been having as well as intuition. I have never taken so long to write a story, but oftentimes I just did not "know" how it continues. When reading keep in mind part of it are a story, but all the important details about the relationship are dreams and intuition to fill in the gaps.
I have read about past lives and past life relationships and wonder about it now. The whole thing takes place around 900 AD between Europe (Scandinavia) and Central Asia. Cultures involved would be Rus Viking and Turkic tribes like Kipchak and Kimek.
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The long version that explains how it lead up to this:
1. Early childhood, early wish
2. Teenage years, witchcraft
3. Early adult life, the offset, The Middle Ages
4. Beginning to put down the story
5. Marrying the wrong person and the misery that came from it
6. Filling in the gaps, illness and escape
7. Motherhood and Healing
8. Finishing the story, following my dream intuition
9. Need and Frustration
10. Searching - Finding - Connecting
11. Advancing rapidly, conflict and reliving the story
12. The impossible relationship, yet exactly as I saw
Last Word
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1. My life before this story seems to only have lead up to all of this. The strong need for finding a special someone has been "there" since I can remember. As a Kindergartner I would already dream of falling in love...I felt like a woman, not a child all my life. The thoughts in my head always sounded grown up to me, yet the words I spoke sounded like a normal child. Does that make sense? That is a very early memory I have of my thinking.
As I grew older I kept on dreaming about someone (as in thinking, day dreaming mostly, my actual dreams at night then I can not remember well). I did not have a clear image in my head, but the character/ personality was always the same...and the nature of the relationship.
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2. When I was 11 I got more in touch with magic and witchcraft. Prior to that I had interest in certain witchy things, collected gems etc...but did not actually read about the real thing. When I started learning I was also hoping it could help me make that certain someone appear. Silly me tried all kinds of spells then and even used an Ouja Board with friends to find out.
I did not run into someone then, but I began having a few more dreams that I hardly remembered...but I did see someone and could roughly remember how he looked and that he was perfect in my eyes. Somehow I also felt like his character became more and more clear.
I kept on looking....and looking. I was unable to like anyone or to truly fall in love with anyone. At age 14 I began drawing stories. After completing a few comic books and selling them to friends I felt that desire to put down a love story similar to the one that I could not get out of my head. The one I felt I "remembered".
I started many different stories (and that may sound silly now), where the characters resembled me and that certain someone. I was trying to make the girl look less like me, but subcounsiously kept giving her my features. Back then I was already repeating a pattern. Like I mentioned the nature of the relationship and the character of that certain someone I already had in my mind. Also a certain appearance.
I have always had dreams that seem to take place in the past. Though most are unspectacular...One however, based in Medieval Times, keeps continuing. When I was a child it was not very clear, but I basically dreamt of being a child in a Medieval setting, and then had flashes of being a woman in Medieval setting. All my life I was downright obsessed with Medieval Times as well.
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3. Then, when I was 20 I had something I would call a revelation. I was going through rough times in my life and a troubled relationship. During that time lots of weird things happened involving paranormal things and psychic phenomenons. I can't even explain. Just know it was a very troubled time and I was frustrated with my life.
I attended a Medieval Fair with a friend for the first time then and upon seeing certain things like a special knife, shoes...just random things that were replicated, I kept having flashes of things I had seen in my dreams. I went again in a costume I had made to the best of my abilities by piercing together things I owned....that was inspired by my dreams also. It got me lots of attention because it was not typical for European clothing of the time.
I immediatly became a part of the whole reenactment thing. I stood at the fair over night that same day. From then on I would work with all sorts of vendors and reenactors and really dived in. I was happier than ever and just so balanced.
Since then I have been having much more vivid dreams. The story became clearer so I began writing down details. I decided to match my reenactment "character" to that certain story as well as my current heritage, which was similar (Eurasian). I never wanted to be a baroness...or anything creative, I just wanted to be "me".
I began to grow my hair longer like I had seen "her/myself (?) in my dreams and liked it a lot. Just felt more like myself with every change that I was making. Often I spent a whole week just camping at a fair. Avoiding so many modern things (electric lights etc.) and not even looking at my cell phone once, I really felt emerged into a different time and just experienced camp life at the castle (Beltaine 2003, Medieval Reenactment is very big here and the event was huge, reenactors stood over night)
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4. I also began to draw a Medieval Comic book story, inspired by my dreams, intuition and reenactment, but soon stopped because I did not know how to continue. I tried to write down the story first. Some things came to me naturally, like that was just how it had to be. But often I stopped because nothing felt right.
My dreams also did not make much sense at the time and seemed to be jumping back and forth through events. Some were random and ulesess, others were quite troublesome and I also saw illness and glimpses of another, troubled realationship (which I then tried to include into the story somehow). I was frustrated that I still had not run into anyone special and started thinking that the type of love I am writing about (which was very powerful for sure), does just not exist in real life. I was often wondering if it was just wishful thinking.
I always had this desire to get married to that one special person and stay with them for the rest of my life, but my own life wasn't working out that way.
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5. Then I met my now Ex husband, who just seemed like a freaking Saint at first glance. In a way I was with him because I felt it was the best I can probably do...a good person, and I was tired of searching.
I did not draw or write at all during the time, just kept up my Medieval Hobby. My dreams and flashes continued and I became more and more my Medieval self. In 2003 I started sewing and dress making, simply because I needed it. To my surprise, I did not have to learn. I knew how to make dresses and sew in a very classic way. Meaning no modern patterns on paper etc. I made this my profession in Reenactment too and soon was sewing for the whole group of reenactors (I had founded my own group eventually). I got into bow shooting after seeing a recurve bow. I knew right away I want to shoot that type of bow and only that. The bow I bought was much too heavy but to everyone's surprise I was able to shoot it...I had a natural talent. (I wanted to try shooting it while riding my pony, but she fell ill. I had been riding horses since the age of 14 and interesting no one ever had to teach me either. I sat on my horse without a saddle, she started running and I was learning by doing. After that I was just riding her, mostly without a saddle and she loved to just run wild and race other horses. I was so happy when galopping with my horse).
I also got into natural health, herbalism, natural healing and just generally learned about chemicals to avoid in modern day cosmetics, foods etc. I did not have health issues at the time but just a desire to be healthy always. I practiced witch craft on a off pretty mucch. My Ex husband always ridiculed me about it so I kept it to myself for the most part. I had gathered some knowledge however about healthy living, that was helpful to others and so I began passing it on online on another platform.
My marriage got worse over the years and eventually really bad. It was like all his bad sides came out and just caused me so much misery in life. I suddenly picked up that story from years ago again, and drawing. I also got much, much more involved with things witchcraft and tried to expand my horizon so to say. Read about many new things. I also learned much more about gem stones and their effects on me. I tried to use them to enhance my dreaming. I don't know if it was my subconscious focus on wanting to dream, the gem stones or something else...but I had some of the most vivid dreams ever. I was tossing and turning in a very odd state of sleep. Paranormal experiences increased simultaniously (never dangerous).
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6. I had to get note books and write everything down. Again I was writing the story, very much the same but now I was able to fill in the gaps. I was writing for hours, I was writing pages. I was drawing the characters also. My characters, especially the main characters, had been looking pretty much the same since 1999, but with my drawing skills now better ( Idk why it improved because I haven't practiced), I really focused on details like eye shape, nose or mouth. Writing the details of the love story again, it made me sad that I was never able to experience love as strong as the one I was writing about.
The love story I was writing was not perfectly bright or problem free...on the contrary. But the feelings were so strong and genuine. But in that place and time they were enemies to begin with, and lots of problems stood between them, when all they want is to be together and the problems are just making it complicated. I wrote about lots of conflict as well, frequent arguments. Basically what I was able to portrait most detailed, was their feelings, character, nature of the relationship and all the problems involvded. Moments of conflict and argument. In a way I pieced together the whole story...I was never able to write from the beginning.
Then I became ill...my hair started falling out and a million health issues just hit me at once. Serious health issues at that. I decided to get out of that poisonous marriage and it ended up like an escpape almost, where I had to use tricks to survive, because my Ex was being such a psychopath. Suddenly I noticed that someone like my Ex husband also appeared in the story...but in form of an evil stepfather (that I had created before I met my Ex husband) that made her life hell eventually. The relationship wasn't the same, but the nature of the "escape" and the character of the stepfather so similar. She escaped to another country, and I to another state. Before the escape, she had also been suffering from health issues, same as me. I did not give the similarities much thought then, because so many things did not match up and especially not the order.
It was ironic that I had all these health issues, because I had been helping people and they had looked up to me. My knowledge and intuition sent me on the right path however. I was very determined to solve my health problems and even though many were said to be chronic, I felt I could overcome these as well.
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7. I rushed into a new relationship hoping I would feel better and became pregnant unexpectedly. That really changed a lot in me...while doctors were predicting the worst given my health issues, I was thinking to myself "I will show you...I will be healthy and my baby will be too..." From then on my only focus was my son, I knew I was having a boy right away...could be a coincidence, but I was just so sure it can only be a boy.
I downright denied all health problems I had while reading up about different ways of healing and health diets. I wanted my son to have a strong and healthy mother. After pregnancy my son and continuing to work on my health were my only focus. I was in a relationship with his father at the time, but my whole focus was on me and my son. I was only a mother, not a wife. I was very focused on my health however and did not feel like looking for anything special anymore. I doubted that it existed in a way and I was thinking it might be best to only be a mother, focus on children, not love.
With all the health issues I also did not feel very attractive or capable to find anyone. It does sort of make you feel unattractive because you feel like you can see the health issues. I also had a time where my hair was falling out lots and my skin was downright horrible. But I continued to solve my own problems with a mixture of intuition, ideas from dreams and my knowledge and positive energy...I created that strong believe in my head that I will be healthy.
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8. I spent much time writing on my story last year that now seemed crystal clear. I continued having dreams...though very mild flashbacks and places that just inspired my story for more completeness. I was actually thinking about finally drawing the story, after over ten years. I haven't written it all the way to the end, but am rather close and figured I could start drawing the beginning. But I wanted to research the cultures, time and places more. I had done that before, but it is so much one can research endlessly. I searched through many historic maps to make sense of the cultures I had been writing about and found a perfect match for a time and place. Somewhere in the earlier 900's. The location and cultures matched the conflict perfectly, even the exact ethnic origin of the cultures, which I did not know about until recently. As I was reading about the cultures and their history I kept feeling that it matches my story so well. Everything I had been writing about was perfectly possible for the time.
I was dreaming so, so much at the time and again experiencing a lot of paranormal things (always comes hand in hand for me...maybe a time of increased sensitivity in general), but it is a normal part of life now. It had been useful in many ways, like I would dream about something, then searched it up irl and it proved itself useful. Like a hint that initiates something, causing me to run into something useful if that makes sense? I never had a dream that said "take remedy X"
...it was always very subtle and indirect. One time I saw myself (or her?) cooking bones for example and that is how I stumbled across bone broth and gelatin for healing gut problems because I searched up "cooking bones" along with other words and then I usually get a clue, research that too and eventually all comes together._________________________
9. Long story short...I became increasingly frustrated with only being a mom and not loving a man the same way. I buried myself in my story and then had a really weird dream. In the dream I was being bothered by a group of people because they believed a certain pendant I was wearing was causing me to have certain powers. These men are in my story and the type that is scared of things like old knowledge and all witchy things. They tried to take it from me and so I ran. I got a perfect look at the necklace and the oval, reddish, purplish stone that seemed to glow golden and had a slash across. It had red veines that seemed to pulsate and flow, much like the small blood vessels inside the body.
When I woke up I drew the stone/ necklace and began researching. I spent the whole weekend searching for stones and almost felt like a stone like that could not exist because it looked magical. After lots of research and feeling like a Zombie I found a red labradotite online that had exactly the same properties as described. I did not know reddish/ purple-ish labradorites exist even! I ordered the stone with the plan of making it into the necklace I dreamed about. Labradorite is supposed to increase medial and psychic gifts...so I guess if that is true it is a useful stone for me to have and with it's glow, large size and color it just seemed so powerful. I added it to my story also just like I had dreamed about it because the character that is like me is a witch or something of that sort (with shamanistic knowledge in the story).
When the stone got here I was amazed at how beautiful it was. To me it feels very, very warm...it seems so different from my other labradorites. The intricate colors and flashes of light are hypnotizing. I had been drawing the different historical costumes for the story and researching images of it because I want everything to be as authentic as possible. I was even looking at old stone statues for inspiration. That night I was so very, very frustrated and conflicted about all my dreams and "visions" though and never having found such love, that I began crying. I was looking at the stone and wondering if maybe I was simply going crazy and nothing meant anything. I tried to calm myself and decided to research more about his history and origin so I could work on the character and story. Since the exact medieval culture of course does not exist anymore, I also searched terms related to the modern descendants. Basically what the culture became with the change of time. A lot of my inspiration for costumes and lifestyle come from Nomads of today.
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10. 10. That day I searched tags on Instagram and screen shot images of archers, nomads, costumes etc. Then I saw that someone had tagged a selfie with that cultural tag. The picture was taken in very low light but the similarity to the character in my story struck me like lightning. I went back and forth between the picture and tags several times...I felt so strange. I went to that guys profile and noticed he was an illustrator, very professional however...not like me. Very interesting art and I feel like a lot of it speaks for itself if that makes sense. Gives a certain feeling. I found more images of him also and felt like killing myself over the similarity to the character...the bone structure, mouth, nose, eyes, hair, skin tone...practically everything fit. Even little details. My character wasn't a very typical looking person, so it was weird how the edgy things fit as well.
I left his profile, but then felt I just need to connect and find out more. I'd rather hack my hand off then actually adding a male however but I got myself to like some art and left a short comment like "great"...I honestly don't remember exactly because I was in such shock. (the only people I usually add are followers that like and comment...it is business mostly and politely thank everyone for comments, I met quite a few nice girls too though so some are friends to me)
Very soon I got a response and lovely comments like "sweet" and hearts on photos of myself. I could tell he must have scrolled through quite a few pages because some images were old (and I post a lot to engage followers, I use Instagram for fashion blogging). I replied with thank you...but no add from his side. So I did something I would never do before and added him. He added me back and just a day later I got a private message where he was asking to read my blog. I had made it private temporarily because of a Troll . I added him to the readers and he went on talking how much it all impressed him and he liked everything and we talked about things work related. He was a professional illustrator, but i told him I had failed at that or something creative and I was scared to try for anything creative then, even fashion design.
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11. He said his family used to own a business where they worked with leather and he wishes we would have met 10 years ago because he could have helped me. I never heard so many compliments in such a short time. We decided to continue chatting on Whats App, which I did not even have installed. We talked with no end and it would get too long if I describe every detail....but it was scary how this all seemed much like my story...especially the nature, how he pushed forward...almost barged in so to say. I went along with it but I felt so overwhelmed by the speed that he was moving forward. I thought to myself, well that is how the story started too and was trying to see if anything else that would happen would match up. I should mention, that in my story both characters were the same amount of years apart, but a bit younger, in their late 20's. Also my son was not in the story.
After two days he mentioned marriage and flying across the globe to see each other, and I was wondering if I was dealing with some sort of marriage swindler or something haha...and I became wary. Also when I learned what culture he actually grew up in I got worried (Muslim, Turkey) and when he started talking (chatting) about some things (his english is flawed, not bad but often hard to understand what he means exactly) I became scared. Islam and Muslims is one of the things I know next to nothing about, I am not judgemental...because I don't know, but I guess you could say I hold some prejudice about certain things. And I am scared of Religion tbh. As long as religious peeps let me be I am fine.
Well there is something about Pagans in Islam and it isn't nice. I soon noticed he was fairly religious (yet so modern in many ways and so educated, I felt so confused). Well I told you in my story there is also lots of conflict and there is was. The arguments were exactly the same in nature, much of the wording even fit. So far his whole character and demeanor just fit the character in my story exactly. And I felt exactly like in my dreams, exactly as I had written down too...it was like I was re-living the story/ dreams!
Things he said or explained about himself matched up. He is drawn to past times and his heritage too and he said if he would have lived during the time he would have been X...and I was just thinking, "I wrote about it in my story ^^". He is also working on a book, about a traditional myth from past times. I have not asked much detail bc I am afraid to share any detail about my story. He does experience paranormal things and dreams as well, but is afraid to talk about it because his religious beliefs say it attracts evil. I haven't been able to help him with what I believe are shadow creatures.
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12: Now here are some problems:
He wants me to come and live his way of life (convert and traditions). He is opposed to witch craft and magic. I told him he needs to accept me as I am because it is impossible to change. I know that is virtually impossible though, given his culture and religion. I know we both suffer so much from this problem and keep trying to change each others culture so we can be together...it is almost a desperate situation. On many days we will be very happy and talk about our feelings and just nice things but often we are so conflicted about what is dividing us. In a way like enemies, like I wrote in the story, just it is a modern day problem and enemy is defined a bit differently you know. In my story there is also a clash of cultures, but not religion. Islam was not the Religion back then, I only wrote about the old Pagan Tengriism and some Nordic things. Instead of religion there was war in the story and a corrupt leader...maybe that can be indirectly applied to religion I don't know. But I feel like it should not be there.
We rarely skype because of wifi issues, but have been trying to do so once weekly when I get to use wifi elsewhere. Needless to say his voice and the way he talks also sounds so so familar and just yesterday I saw him on screen (his phone) while he was walking home at night and now i feel like I can't deal with it all because his whole demanour, gestures, mimics...everything is just exactly as I know. Ever since I am really troubled about all of this. I am wondering what in the world is going on and how a story/ dreams/ intuition can come true. It seems most of my life has lead up to this!!
It seems like an impossible relationship, like there is no way this could work out on the long run. I would love for it to work so badly, but i don't know. I don't know if other things I have written down, future things will become true as well.
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Last word:
I am hoping to find some understanding here and an explanation of what these phenomenons could be. I am really not a crazy person and despite all my experiences always quite sceptical of any type of phenomenon and try to apply science as much as possible. Certain witchy things are not even for me for that reason.
I don't even know if this is a good love story, if there is a happy end. Or if there are only very strong feelings but no happiness. Somehow it does feel like unfinished business too and like I want something back that I have experienced. I personally do believe in reincarnation being possible. Because of my own experiences but also because of other accounts I have read. I have had dreams of other times, places and events...but nothing like this, just seeing day to day things. Nothing that affects me in my life now. But this Medieval Story/ Life has been haunting me and to be honest I don't feel very good right now because it is all a bit much. At this point I doubt any of this is a coincidence and that I am just "making it fit" because it is just too exact.
I don't know if my dreams are memories of the past, if my subconscious mind is somehow at work, if my energy is effecting events coming into my life, as in I am setting myself up for things to happen...but it is certainly not just coincidence.
I have told him vaguely about having dreams of the past and he shot me down by saying he does not believe in reincarnation because of the Quran. He does believe me however but I feel like I could never tell him the details.
Please let me know what you think! It matters to me so much.
:needrune: :bowrune: :manrune:
I replied what "she" said in the story because I felt the same at that moment and his response was reassuring. And even the conversation after was like a modern day version of conversations they had in the story. 
I never thought about it this way! I have seen further than now, but not the complete end. I wrote down that he will go against something or someone and try to be with her. But I only know bits and pieces and that could go either way. I am expecting an attempt, but if it will match up with what I wrote, it will not happen too son. Though the enemy part and other things were already discussed, so it is not just the beginning either. Everything has moved very, very fast though. Like replaying the story fast forward.