Long talks and thoughts with Cats and Tea
Posted: Fri Jul 24, 2015 11:09 am
Not sure if I'm been here long enough to earn a personal blog but I need a place to ramble and this seems to qualify. (If for some reason, I have not earned a personal blog yet or this place does not qualify feel free to delete immediately.)
I'm also not sure about the title. I sort of just came up with it on the spot and it's nothing like I would have done on my previous forum. I'm a very uncreative person. and yet, recently, I've been very creative. It's strange and new and it terrifies me! We're talking about a 21 year writer's block here and all of a sudden, I'm speaking and thinking in alliterations and rhymes and I don't know why! I've always felt that I have the personality of a writer but have never been able to write; writing scared me. I feel like this has changed.
This somewhat relates to my first point. Today, I realized that I'm confident. I can say with all honesty that I never thought this would happen. I have been unconfident and self-loathing all my life. This reached its absolute worst when I was about 17. It's slowly gotten better since then. I was scrolling through my Reddit posts earlier and I realized, even last month I was still unconfident and full of anxiety. This has completely changed. I'd completely forgotten about anxiety; something that used to consume my daily life. How could I forget about it?
A month ago, I wouldn't have comfortably described myself as confident. I doubted that I would ever be fully confident but now I say it without any irony. I don't hate myself anymore. I have my flaws and I still get insecure but that's no reason to think I am a waste of space or anything like that. I like this new feeling.
It's too soon to note the catalyst of this change, but it does correlate pretty strongly with my developing interest in paganism. I find that interesting.
I'm the kind of person who likes order. I like lists and directions and a list of directions! Paganism has pretty much none of that. I still feel so lost on how to be pagan. I know nothing of how to follow a god/goddess. I know nothing of crystals and herbs and I know nothing of how to find out about any of that! Just call me Jon Snow. The idiom, "up the creek wihtout a paddle" comes to mind but a more accurate description would be, "in the middle of the ocean, on a dinghy, without a paddle".
My love life has been complicated recently, so as I was on my walk this morning and I decided to say a pray to a love deity so I could hopefully find some answers. I went back and forth on whether to pray to Aphrodite or Freyja. I feel closer to the Greek pantheon because I know more about it but Freyja just felt right so I prayed to Freyja. When I got home, I decided I should learn more about Freyja. In doing so, I found many similarities to her and to my path. I always liked how she was associated with cats. I also learned that one of her sacred animals, is a raven. *extremely frustrated sigh*
I've discussed elsewhere on this forum why I think the raven is a part of my spiritual journey, despite what it may seem, I am trying to keep this post concise so I won't discuss it here. The raven is so ubiquitous throughout paganism! It's almost impossible to figure what deity this is from! I originally attributed this to Odin and while Odin does seem fatherly (he is called the Allfather) he doesn't seem right. A raven can also be a symbol of Hecate, who I felt very close to from the beginning. But Freyja kind of seems right.
I do feel close to Hekate and I do trust her but I am also a little afraid of her. It is constantly reiterated that Hekate is a dark goddess so following her feels like playing with fire. That doesn't really suit my personality. But Freyja seems pretty similar to Hecate. Both are attributed to magic, divination, and the moon. But they seem to be healthy opposites of each other as well. Freyja is associated with the full moon and Hekate the dark moon. Freyja with cats and Hekate with dogs. To my knowledge, Hekate seems to be a dark goddess with light aspects and Freyja is a light goddess with dark aspects. I think follwoing both of them will give me a healthy balance. However, I still feel like I should follow a male deity. I guess when one presents himself....
I am interested in hearing other opinions on what I've written about deities (or the rest of the post in general). I know so little about this topic that every fact or opinion is welcome.
Also, holy crap, I just realized how little I've posted! Only five times! I'm on this forum every day and I've read through countless threads. I've always been more of a listener than a talker. I usually only talk in long bursts or not at all so please don't misunderstand me.
Thank you for reading yet another longwinded post.
C&T
I'm also not sure about the title. I sort of just came up with it on the spot and it's nothing like I would have done on my previous forum. I'm a very uncreative person. and yet, recently, I've been very creative. It's strange and new and it terrifies me! We're talking about a 21 year writer's block here and all of a sudden, I'm speaking and thinking in alliterations and rhymes and I don't know why! I've always felt that I have the personality of a writer but have never been able to write; writing scared me. I feel like this has changed.
This somewhat relates to my first point. Today, I realized that I'm confident. I can say with all honesty that I never thought this would happen. I have been unconfident and self-loathing all my life. This reached its absolute worst when I was about 17. It's slowly gotten better since then. I was scrolling through my Reddit posts earlier and I realized, even last month I was still unconfident and full of anxiety. This has completely changed. I'd completely forgotten about anxiety; something that used to consume my daily life. How could I forget about it?
A month ago, I wouldn't have comfortably described myself as confident. I doubted that I would ever be fully confident but now I say it without any irony. I don't hate myself anymore. I have my flaws and I still get insecure but that's no reason to think I am a waste of space or anything like that. I like this new feeling.
It's too soon to note the catalyst of this change, but it does correlate pretty strongly with my developing interest in paganism. I find that interesting.
I'm the kind of person who likes order. I like lists and directions and a list of directions! Paganism has pretty much none of that. I still feel so lost on how to be pagan. I know nothing of how to follow a god/goddess. I know nothing of crystals and herbs and I know nothing of how to find out about any of that! Just call me Jon Snow. The idiom, "up the creek wihtout a paddle" comes to mind but a more accurate description would be, "in the middle of the ocean, on a dinghy, without a paddle".
My love life has been complicated recently, so as I was on my walk this morning and I decided to say a pray to a love deity so I could hopefully find some answers. I went back and forth on whether to pray to Aphrodite or Freyja. I feel closer to the Greek pantheon because I know more about it but Freyja just felt right so I prayed to Freyja. When I got home, I decided I should learn more about Freyja. In doing so, I found many similarities to her and to my path. I always liked how she was associated with cats. I also learned that one of her sacred animals, is a raven. *extremely frustrated sigh*
I've discussed elsewhere on this forum why I think the raven is a part of my spiritual journey, despite what it may seem, I am trying to keep this post concise so I won't discuss it here. The raven is so ubiquitous throughout paganism! It's almost impossible to figure what deity this is from! I originally attributed this to Odin and while Odin does seem fatherly (he is called the Allfather) he doesn't seem right. A raven can also be a symbol of Hecate, who I felt very close to from the beginning. But Freyja kind of seems right.
I do feel close to Hekate and I do trust her but I am also a little afraid of her. It is constantly reiterated that Hekate is a dark goddess so following her feels like playing with fire. That doesn't really suit my personality. But Freyja seems pretty similar to Hecate. Both are attributed to magic, divination, and the moon. But they seem to be healthy opposites of each other as well. Freyja is associated with the full moon and Hekate the dark moon. Freyja with cats and Hekate with dogs. To my knowledge, Hekate seems to be a dark goddess with light aspects and Freyja is a light goddess with dark aspects. I think follwoing both of them will give me a healthy balance. However, I still feel like I should follow a male deity. I guess when one presents himself....
I am interested in hearing other opinions on what I've written about deities (or the rest of the post in general). I know so little about this topic that every fact or opinion is welcome.
Also, holy crap, I just realized how little I've posted! Only five times! I'm on this forum every day and I've read through countless threads. I've always been more of a listener than a talker. I usually only talk in long bursts or not at all so please don't misunderstand me.
Thank you for reading yet another longwinded post.
C&T