Kind of awkward

[Arianna]

Well, I think some of you might have read another thread asking about preventing pregnancy using spells. In there I mentioned that I was one of those people that didn't have sex.

Thats changed. I'm a little dissapointed in myself that I didn't wait longer, but not so much. It was a gift I wanted to give to this person, although we haven't known one another for more than 9 months or so (we've not been dating that long, three weeks I think maybe?) I know that's a bit soon for someone to have sex in a relationship, especially a virgin. But I trust him so much.

It's strange, it was like I had been there before, you know? Like De ja vu or something, like I knew that it would happen with him before I knew him. I've seen him in my dreams before. Crazy right?

Well, I just wanted to get advice. I mean, I'm sure that I'm not gonna get pregnant or anything (we didn't use a condom the first time, but I made him stop before we got too far)

A note here, he's a very sensitive and wonderful person. He listens to me when I told him it hurt, and that we should stop. He let me know that I didn't have to be scared of anything with him. He has no std, he doesn't want to be a dad right now, and doesn't want to raise his kids in america. (He's from Turkey, and if there is just ONE call against him, he's going to be deported, so he's scared that might happen)

It's kind of a pain in the ass (almost literally I might add....>< he needs to wear contacts...) for the two of us to be together. He has to drive over two hours to see me, he's willing to put his visa in jeopardy, and he understands my feelings and doesn't want me to change my beleifs, he likes me for who I am, not for what he can change me into.

I guess I kinda wanted to get that out to someone... and just ask, to make sure, what do you feel like afterwards? Is it alright to be shaky? I've got a stressed out feeling in my stomach, because it's been a long week as it is with a show I had to MC for and the people in it never being on time, and a concert tonight for symphony, tour last week, getting my application and everything done so I can study across seas next year... all sorts of stuff.

And when I was getting lint off his jacket he was goofing around (I think -_-::) and said "You want to marry now?" (By the way, he's soooo cute when he talks, with his accent...and the curly hair..^_^)
I had to laugh, and just asked "Isn't it a bit early to be asking that?"

I dunno.. It seemed a natural question, and in all honesty, I don't think it'd be a mistake of any kind to marry him. Though I think I would prefer a good bf/gf relationship until I'm graduated from college, and then maybe persuing engagement and all that.


Sorry about how long it is! I didn't realize it would be.
What does anyone have to say for me? I would like to know your thoughts.
Before you told me that sex was something special, and although this wasn't exactly an epiphany, it wasn't his fault, but mine since I was stressed out and a little scared, not to mention that there wasn't a lot of privacy... but it was a gift I gave him of my own free will, having the ability to speak up and tell him to stop. If I could change it, I probably would have asked to be some place where there aren't always people in the hallway....


Anyway... I better get going now.

[Awen]

Hiya Arianna
I think its perfectly natural to feel shaky - its a big deal especially since as you said you held yourself back for so long. Are you ok? Sometimes you need to talk to someone about these things to put your mind at rest.

One thing I will advise you on though, honey, is PLEASE always use a condom. I know you said you didnt go that far the first time, but getting pregnant can still happen if you do it that way... just be careful. It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life at the moment and getting pregnant accidentally might not be on your list right now, you know? especially since he might not be able to stay in the country.

Take care of yourself, keep your wits about you... and be happy
I wish you all the best
xoxoxoxox

[Arianna]

yeah, I know what you mean.

Thanks a ton though, it's always helpful to find someone out there that understands.

And as much as he didn't want to use one, I told him he had to when things started to go too far.

I was freaking out when I started shaking, and he was so worried, it was sweet. Thats why we stopped the first time, and I told him he had to use a condom no matter what.

I'm still kinda worried about it, but I've been talking to a mom on the web page here, and she says that it's doubtful I'm pregnant, but to keep an eye out on that kind of thing.

I'm still curious what the signs are that your pregnant, before the time comes for your period. I mean, someone mentioned they were moody and their stomach was harder/more solid. I don't know if that's a real sign or paranoia, because someone else told her it sounded like she was pms'ing! ^_^

I don't feel nautious, although for a few days I did from stressing out not only about the sex thing, but everything else that weekend.

It's really frustrating though to not be able to really know until it comes time for your period! Grrr, men have NO idea what it's like. Though I was reading a site about the probabilities and statistics and stuff concerning ovulation and period dates and stuff, saying that the 13th day after your period the chances of getting pregnant without using a condom is about 9% and I had sex the 12/13 dayish with a condom, and on the 12th day was the sort of thing with no condom... not that you really cared to know all this anyway... it's just kinda my way of putting it into black and white.

And I know the statistics could go flying out the door, or I could fall in that 9% and stuff. I'm just crossing my fingers that it doesn't happen, since I think it would hurt him more than anything if it did happen. He probably would be so excited about it, but he feels so horrible about having sex with me as it is, because he knew I had wanted to wait, but we did it anyway. I keep telling him that it's not his fault, but he doesn't listen. I feel horrible.

Anyway... thanks for listening to this rant... I'm just trying to let out the stress. The mom I'm talking to told me to relax and just wait until I should get my next period to start worrying, because stress could REALLY make it worse by causing the period to be late or not at all... and wow would THAT be a heart attack waiting to happen for me...heh...

[[Kristin]]

Dear Arianna,

I read your story and found it quite touching.

Keeping the faith and I stick to my theories.
Nuf said.

Hugs to you!

[Awen]

Ahhh poor you!!!
Its horrible to wait - how much longer do you have to wait???
I was with a guy once years ago and we didnt sleep together but I hadnt much experience so I thought because certain things happened that I could be pregnant (I know, silly, but I was kind of naive...) and then I didnt get my p for TWO MONTHS, it was worry!! I convinced myself I was pregnant and even told my mom!!! I thought she was going to kill me, I was SO worried. She went down to the shop and got me a test - she was brilliant. Of course I wasnt pregnant.
It really changed my relationship with my Mom though I really appreciated her so much after that (although we had a pretty good relationship anyway)
Anyway my point is - worry can do crazy things to your system... I know its so difficult but try to relax... you'll make yourself sick and we dont want that
I'm glad you have a Mom on a webpage to talk to!!! Good luck!

[Arianna]

Dear Arianna,

I read your story and found it quite touching.

Keeping the faith and I stick to my theories.
Nuf said.

Hugs to you!

Thanks ^_^ I'm glad your still there and keeping the faith. As am I! As am I ^_^

Ahhh poor you!!!
Its horrible to wait - how much longer do you have to wait???

I think I have about two weeks to wait. The strangest thing though is the last period I had. It only lasted from tuesday to saturday, and usually it goes a full week and sometimes a day. I was freaking out about that, but I think it had to do with the fact that I was on band tour, in Florida, which is a huge climate change from wintering in Iowa...>< so the stress and weather probably shortened it... but boy was I heavy the first two days. I thought I was going to die from cramps.

So it might be sooner, or maybe even later depending on my stress level. I've got some stones here I hope that will help me out, mostly my Apache's tear (grounding and protection) Along with hematite (healing) and my quartz (mental clarity) so hopefully those will keep me on the less stressful side of things.

I'm not freaking out too bad, because of Steel Magnolia's helpful words and faith, and what I've been reading up on online. Sure I'm not by any means as regular as some people seem to be, but I can at least gauge when my period will be, althought it changes within the year it seems, from the beginning of the month to the end. I think it's february that does it to me... stupid month..><

As for naivete... yeah.. I was pretty naive at one point... hehe... I mean, I thought I was pregnant at one point (VIRGIN BIRTH OMG!!!!) because I was in the same bed as a guy, and my period was late....

Gotta love being young huh?

But yeah. There are moments of OMG, I'm probably going to turn out pregnant, and my dad will KILL ME, my mom will be her usual crazy self and start telling me what I should do and try to take my baby away, and I won't be able to go to Germany to study, my Symphony conductor will be dissappointed with me (Yes, I worry about his disappointment more than my mother's, she's clinically insane.... I think) and then there's a whole bunch of other stuff I'd freak out about, like my friends that are now kinda not and talking behind my back will be even worse, and my room mate will be sad. She's like a sister to me, we're SO very close. And then I think about my bf, how he's so emotionally sensitive, and how he'd handle it. He'd be so upset that he did this to me (Although it was my choice too!) but I know he'd be pretty happy to have a baby... but his parents would freak out! He used to be Muslim... and they're not bad people... just a little stricter than americans are...

anyway... that feels better... I'm going to hunt down my stones and ground myself again. All I know is, although I can't have a baby right now, it doesn't mean I don't want one... just later... you know? I could graduate right now I think with an AA... or not... I'd need PE classes, and I think one other gen ed to get out of here with an AA... but yeah... anyway...

thanks for all your support, it's very much appreciated!

As a side note, I've been talking with my bf, and let him know that I don't want to deal with sex for a while, and he agrees, because he feels terrible, and he told me "Don't be offended by this but" he could see in the future marrying me. I don't know why he would think I'd be offended by that...

but it's sooo cute. I thought he was going to say that we should end the relationship right then and there because I would be leaving, but he's willing to wait for me here, and see me in Europe should I be accepted at the Uni in Germany. He's adorable when he speaks...my favorite word he's said so far is dinosaur... "like a deenosore... no wait, dinosore.. I'm not saying right am I?"

*sighs* I better get going. I'm going through some nice stress releiving catharsis by writing fanfic stuff.

[[Kristin]]

Always here for you, sweet Arianna....always here!!!!

Through worries, rants......always here for you. Please know that.

[Arianna]

thanks a ton ^_^

I am so glad your there. My mom never really is unless there's something in it for her. Normally I try to make sure there's nothing in it for her. And when I do have kids, I'm going to make sure that when I bring them for the family to see, they don't stay too long. The place is a complete mess, and putting kids in her possession is a sure recipie for disaster.

BTW.... I think that your faith is paying off. I'll need to wait a bit to be sure, but with some of the sites I've been on, some of the signs I've been noticing are telling me I'm in luck and I'm not pg... ^_^

I won't count my chickens before they hatch...><; ... but yeah, you are wonderful Magnolia, and you too Awen. your both wonderful to be helping me through this.

I best be going, the latest ep of Doctor Who is on, and I wanna watch it ^_^ hehe... and I'm starving.... the Mensa food isn't the greatest... and their fries weren't really cooked very well... so I'm going to see if I can find some foodage...

[[Kristin]]

Wish I was your Mom right now.




Things would be a whole lot different!
Nuff said.....except .......wish parents were more aware!!!!! Life is hard enough as it is....!!!

[Arianna]

I wish you were my mum too. That would be awesome ^_^

In all honesty, if I'd had a mum like you, I probably would be more willing to talk with my sister(s) and my mum about it. My biological sister is having some problems, since she was raped this summer, and asked me to look up some info on HepC, and then was teasing me about being pregnant, but I didn't want to tell her, cause I knew she'd tell my mum about it, and then boy would I be hearing it forever -_-;;
And my room mate, who is like a sister (funny note: My room mate and biological sister have the same first name ^_^) I don't feel I can talk to her about it just yet. We're so close to one another, but right now it's like walking on thin ice, since she's close to those who are trying to do all in their power to show me as unhygenic, bitchy, and a whole bunch of crap. So... now my room mate and I are watching Rose Red together...^_^ and reading/writing stories. *sigh* yay life ^_^

[[Kristin]]

I have no words..........

I wish I could be there for you.

Still sticking by all I mentioned to you.....RELAX!!!!!



If you need my msn.....it is supguatis@hotmail.com

I am always on. Add it if you need to.....
Love and hugs.
Kristin

[Arianna]

I have no words..........

I wish I could be there for you.

Still sticking by all I mentioned to you.....RELAX!!!!!

I am always on. Add it if you need to.....
Love and hugs.
Kristin

Hey, GOOD NEWS!! (sort of anyway...)
I started my period today. I was freaking out all weekend, since I spent most of it with my bf and stuff. But man, the cramps are horrible!!!

Thanks for your standing by me through this stress... a new stress that I thought might even delay the period (thus stressing me out ten times worse) is that my bf and I are having some issues.

Ah well, I'm starting to see that my heart isn't really even in the relationship anymore, so it's good i'm not pg.

Blah.. the midol I took is making me tired... I'm going to forge ahead and get more stuff done on this site before I pass out...

Again, thanks for being there for me, it's helped so much.

I'm going to add you to my MSN Kristin... probably both of em, since I intend to switch over in the future to my actual hotmail and stuff...bla bla bla...

[[Kristin]]

Dearest Arianna,

One word for you.......YIPPEE!!!!!!

I am leaving today to be with my mother and will be gone for 3 weeks, but there is a computer there that I hope to get access to. Add me.

Very happy for you..
All my fondest thoughts.

[AnuChild]

Just as a note on the period bit. When I'm sexually active, my normally long period (which would be 7 -10 days) is much shorter (5 days) and much lighter. This happens to another one of my friends as well (I freaked the first time it happened) so we've chalked it up to Mother Nature being wierd.

and *hugs*. Pregnancy scares suck. Big time.