The Change is Perpetual

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citrine
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Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

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Associated track: none.

Meow... meow meow meow. Meow? Meow... meow meow. Meow meow meow. Meow! MEOW!!! *hissing* Meow... :( meow meow. *philosophically* Meow meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow. Meow. Meow meow meow... meow. Meow. Meow meow meowwwww... meow meow meow. So. There.

AMETHYSTCLUSTER / "Meow" / March 2016
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
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citrine
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Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

Associated card: Eight of Cups.
Associated track: http://bit.ly/1M91mnC

People do disappear. For any reason given... Or, for no reason at all. People come together and drift apart like the icebergs in the ocean... One door closing, another door opening. The change is perpetual. If we do realize that... why some people are missed dearly still? If we see the bigger picture, the souls are just... the souls. Everyone got their own path, and we all will get a chance to meet them in Milliways in the end of the road... I can't put it in this way - “why bother”. If so many people make their impact on you, then there are reasons to bother. Maybe, the key is in the release, carrying as less “baggage” as possible... The void can always be filled with new people and new experiences, in these densities there's little to no space for the voids, if we let things flow naturally. And, if it's all about experiences, then nothing is truly lost. I guess... we all just have to keep on keeping on with releasing the old, allowing the new to come, to flow, to appear during these extraordinary times of renewal.

AMETHYSTCLUSTER / "Moving On" / March 2016
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
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citrine
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Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

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Some people said that I shall go to hell. Well, I've literally been there yesterday, experiencing a lot of pain... satisfied? I hope so. Although, everything looks quite different after the damage was done and received. In the end, it's all about blessings and lessons. Pain can be our biggest lesson and a blessing in disguise, as well... and, we have to be grateful for both, since pain transforms us towards the “better version” inevitably. So, in the end, nothing can really hurt us... the transformation can be painful, but everything transforms eventually and inevitably, the change is perpetual. I guess, everything I could say to all the abusers is a simple “thank you”. What wasn't meant to happen won't happen, no matter how hard we could try, and those who remain with us after the turmoil... are the only ones who matter, who need to be cherished and hold dearly.

AMETHYSTCLUSTER / "Blessing in Disguise" / March 2016
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
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citrine
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Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

Associated card: Ace of Wands.
Associated album: http://bit.ly/1pxrSw4

…A very mysterious, but at the same time a very obvious person, for those who knew them. Tortured soul, who was always in flux, always on the run, longing for love and understanding, but receiving only ridicules and puzzled looks, and sometimes even worse. They never stopped believing in what they always believed, even when they were cruelly mocked and abandoned by those whom the person had enormous trust and care for. It was a shocking realization for some of these people when the story of this person came to an end, but many opinions exist in regard to what actually had happened. In fact, there are only two people in the world left who know the full story behind this very short journey of A. Vargas. It’s time to unveil the mystery behind this person, who was a very strong but very fragile human being, and who never got what they really deserved in the end, unfortunately. It’s time to put things in a right and fair way regarding this person.

Little is known about the earliest background of Vargas, except that they were born in Moscow, Russia, and lived there most of their life. According to their interview for the Senile Dementia Webzine, in the mid-90s they stumbled upon some tracker music by ANTARES DEMO DiViSiON, and this music, along with way less obscure stuff by Future Crew and Five Musicians, inspired Vargas to unleash and explore their own creative potential. Tracker music and tracker technology appeared to be a cornerstone of creative exploration for them. Among their inspirations they named Necros, Basehead, Skaven, Purple Motion, Siren and Teque. Although, their first public recording, apparently (self-)released in December 1999, Remain “Noise”, appeared to be something entirely different. It was quite dark and moody techno industrial music, and quite impressive for a first demo recording. Dark and psychedelic techno music, apparently, was always among the inspirations of Vargas too. Apparently, another demo recording, Remain “Vernisam”, was self-released around 1999 as well, but its existence is very questionable to say the least. It’s unclear whether the recordings were named Remain actually, because, apparently, Vargas, who always had a wish to hide behind a nickname or invented name, changed nicknames, as well as project names and graffiti tags, almost every month during 1999-2002, and the project named Remain could appear only around 2003 or even later, but no one really knows the truth now, and, taking into account that Vargas themselves pointed out in the discography that it’s Remain, it will be wise to stick with Remain then.

To be continued…

CN LUNDQVIST / "The Legacy: 1999" / March 2016
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
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citrine
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Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

Associated card: Ten of Swords.
Associated albums: http://bit.ly/1pHjpY6 and http://bit.ly/1pxEaF1

…Apparently, until 2001, Vargas lived quite a happy life, getting good grades in school and having some sort of social circle. Circa summer 2000 they recorded Remain “Acid / Alert”, a quite upbeat and happy techno recording, partially missing nowadays. A remixed / re-worked version of the recording was released in June 2004. Apparently, in the year 2000 as well, Vargas got themselves interested in metal music, meaning almost all kinds of metal music. Although they particularly disliked power metal, gothic / fantasy metal and viking metal, they liked industrial metal, death / doom metal and black metal very much.

First signs of trouble came into the life of Vargas in the end of 2000, when they were transferred to another class within their school. The conflict that escalated between them and one particular classmate of them in 2001 triggered many unpleasant things for Vargas and in Vargas, and ruined their mental health for the rest of their life. In short, Vargas became a victim of bullying at all levels, since family of that particular classmate had influence over the headmaster and some teachers due to the classmate’s father being a high-ranked government official, Gennadiy Onishchenko, the Chief Sanitary Inspector of Russia. And, the classmate had influence over other classmates, over a son of another government official, Abdoullin, for instance. Particularly tough was summer 2001, when Vargas had to spend a month at a summer camp along with the class. There, Vargas became a victim of physical, verbal and emotional bullying; the classmates of Vargas insulted them on a daily basis in different ways, made them ***** *****, damaged their belongings and beat them up several times. In the end, these events led to Vargas being nearly expelled from the school. The grades dropped dramatically, Vargas almost stopped attending school due to fear of further bullying, everything good in their life was destroyed and they were left alone and miserable, without care of anyone. Even their family started pressurizing the person and making Vargas look responsible for everything that happened to them. These events also triggered multiple personality disorder in them; everything Vargas wanted at the moment was to find a way to escape the suffering, but, unfortunately, it went wrong, really wrong, later on. On a positive note, they started to learn how to play guitar, but they were not able to record it properly at the moment, so Vargas started to learn various sampling techniques and re-use of different sound sources as well. This was also the time when Vargas decided to make different sounds under different names. A black metal demo, originally released in October 2001, initially was called “Nocturnal Mayhem” and exists in the archive of the works by Vargas, AV Legacy, as Nocturnal Mayhem “NM”. Remain also continued to be active; two separate recordings, “Unity” and “Sonic Factor”, expressing a wish to belong somewhere by the means of more melodic techno music than earlier, were released as Remain “Unity / Sonic Factor” in December 2001. Apparently, it was the wish to belong to some collective; either music collective or demoscene group. Unfortunately, all tracks except one are missing completely; the only surviving track “Visions of Past Present Future” is available on the compilation “Lost in Time I”.

To be continued…

CN LUNDQVIST / "The Legacy: 2000-2001" / March 2016
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
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citrine
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:28 am
Gender: Female
Location: Sweden

Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

Associated card: Nine of Wands.
Associated albums: http://bit.ly/1Mx69iF, http://bit.ly/1VQGgwn, http://bit.ly/1oi3gqf, http://bit.ly/1XZfmB5

Fortunately, Vargas survived, by the means of total lockdown, and, circa spring 2002, everyone in the school lost all the interest in them. Multiple personality disorder continued its course for further development though. At least two different personalities existed in the mind of Vargas already; apparently, one representing strength, friendship and collaboration, and another one representing love and passion. These two personalities, or basically “sides” or “projections”, could multiply further any moment. Vargas started to work on, as they thought at the moment, their most serious album, exploring all the damage they suffered with a little hope for the future. A self-titled Remain album, the result of this work, existed in many versions, and the latest version was originally released in May 2002.

A new life started for Vargas then; no more school, since they got into a college program instead, and, generally, it was the time to heal. But, “the process” was already irreversible. Multiple personalities continued to develop and Vargas became quite unstable; apparently, different personalities sometimes tried to take over, and, social-wise, it caused many problems for Vargas. For instance, they used to contact people on behalf of their other personalities, and, in the end, staying away from Vargas was the only possible option for people they contacted. Therefore, later, Vargas went under relative lockdown again. Nearly all recordings made in 2002 and 2003 do not exist anymore; they were wiped by Vargas under an impulse or by decision of one of their personalities. Digital Avenger “Digimetery” was possibly just another version of self-titled Remain album since the title of one of the tracks suggests this, but, one of the first completely lost recordings was a demo recording by Blessed Hate, perhaps one of the most extreme recordings Vargas produced ever. A project ETM, the title of which means something very nasty in Russian, appeared to be a first experimental product of Vargas’ vision. Unfortunately, ETM “Live at Hammer & Sickle”, a live recording of an experimental performance in Moscow, basically field recordings, is also missing completely.

As mentioned earlier, it was quite usual for Vargas to change project names very often, but one project name they started to use circa October 2002 became something that Vargas continued to stick with through years. According to Sands of Time, Fatal Injection appeared first as a parody punk rock band featuring Vargas and Ilya “Silver_Fox” Kutsev; later Ilya left the band and the music style shifted away towards crossover between hardcore punk and so-called “Swedish death metal”. Then, in June 2003, the style shifted away again towards the intense hardcore crossover with electronic elements in the sound, and, in July 2003, Fatal Injection ceased to exist, for a while. All “parody punk era” and crossover recordings (2002-2003) are missing completely, namely, “Salamo Stories / *******” (or “******”), “Grizzly House”, “Heads up the Wall” (or “Headbang”), “Kill the President” (the recording where the music style shifted away), “Social Decay”, “Hatred”, “Genocide”, “Acid Poisoned Stories” (electronic elements were added to the aggressive hardcore crossover sound), “Salamo Stories II”, “Vol. II” (2xCD compilation of best works), and “Salamo Stories / Final” (Q1 / Q2 2004). Most of these recordings sounded very raw, and lyrics on the recordings consisted of Russian swears directed at those who hurt Vargas most; apparently, the recordings were supposed to have some sort of therapeutic effect for Vargas. Due to relative lockdown, multiple personality disorder and social anxiety, everyone whom Vargas invited to participate in the projects eventually left or declined further collaboration, and Vargas tried to move on with one of their personalities instead, who were usually not credited anyhow on the recordings. Sometimes the real acquaintances of Vargas also created music in some way, like Ilya, who was playing bass in some rock band, but sometimes they were just hanging around, not contributing to the final sound anyhow at all, so this is a bit of a mystery why these people were credited on the recordings in the first place. But, it’s explainable, taking into account loneliness of Vargas in real life.

Nevertheless, Vargas continued experiments with sound and exploration of different genres of music. A demo recording by Fatalis was an experiment with lo-fi ambient / drone doom genre, the recording was unfortunately wiped at some point. Divided Mind “Doomsday” was a death / doom metal recording; Slowly We Rot “Decapitated” was a death metal recording; ETM “Just a Bulls***” was an unclassifiable experimental recording; a self-titled ZX-M202 album was a harsh noise recording. All these recordings were wiped at some point too. Although, apparently, some recordings survived the wiping in some form; Inflammator “The Wastelands”, originally released in October 2003, was a quite strange and curious recording. According to Sands of Time, Inflammator was an industrial metal project featuring Dmitry Zhuravlev, an ex-classmate of Vargas, who, nevertheless, kept some contact with them for quite some time. The name of the project was inspired by a title of the track by Pitch Shifter. Possibly, few other versions of the recording exist. There is great diversity on the album; lo-fi electronic and industrial metal / grindcore tracks complement each other well and everything sounds very raw and quite brutal. Likely, many of the tracks appeared somewhere in some other forms before. For instance, “Decapitated” is possibly an industrial metal version of the track by Slowly We Rot. “Stand Alone” and “Carnival” look like very twisted cover versions of the tracks by Iced Earth and Project Pitchfork respectively. Remain “Submit” was even more curious recording; possibly, this was just another version of Inflammator “The Wastelands”. The recording is missing, so there is no way of finding out that.

But, one of the most questionable recordings ever was Slowly We Rot “Unplugged I-IV”. Apparently, the recording was reissued in July 2008 by Sands of Time (as “Unplugged”), but all the tracks sound exactly like instrumentals for Fatal Injection “Vol. III”, therefore this recording is being attributed to as Fatal Injection “Vol. III (Instrumentals)”, released in July 2004. One omitted track sounds exactly like something from Fatal Injection’s “parody punk era”. It’s very likely that Sands of Time or Vargas (or both) made some sort of mistake when (re-)releasing this recording, because, officially, Fatal Injection “abandoned” rock sound for a while in 2004 until “Vol. III” (evidence of that existed on Fatal Injection “Exodus”), and, the recording is really anything but death metal, therefore it’s not Slowly We Rot. Perhaps, it was some earlier recording, or a later one, no one really knows. It’s really confusing. According to Sands of Time, Fatal Injection was reformed in 2004 as electro-industrial crossover band featuring Georgiy “Geo” Yaroslavtsev. Industrial elements indeed appeared on some tracks and, apparently, “Exodus” was the proof of that. It’s unclear whether “Geo” was a real person or not though. Apparently, Vargas played guitar quite well at the moment and could record anything without any technical problems. All guitar tracks were credited to “Geo”, but, taking into account the circumstances around the creation of “Vol. III”, it’s just not likely that anyone else could be allowed to work on this recording. So, “Geo” might be just one of Vargas’ personalities. It’s just very likely.

Speaking of Fatal Injection “Vol. III”, slightly ahead of the chronology, the final version of this album was recorded circa November 2004. The album was inspired by a failed relationship of Vargas, therefore it’s unlikely that anyone else but Vargas could work on this recording, it was too personal stuff. Unfortunately, this version of the album is missing and only instrumentals survived, as explained above. Circa December 2004, Fatal Injection “Exodus”, containing outtakes from the final version of “Vol. III” and some crossover material, was released as well, although, unfortunately, wiped at some point too.

According to the interview for Senile Dementia, the “tracker music era” continued for Vargas until 2004-2005, although, of course, not everything was made using trackers. In the interview Vargas said that most of the material they recorded between 1999 and 2005 was relatively good, but, quote, “quite naïve”. They tried to distribute their music on some local BBSes (until the BBS scene was completely dead in Russia) and, later, via the Internet. Apparently, no one at the moment was interested in their art, although there is some evidence saying otherwise. But then, because of relative lockdown and multiple personality disorder, perception of reality sometimes appeared to be quite distorted for Vargas. As mentioned earlier, everything could be wiped under an impulse or by decision of one of their personalities, even if working on music meant a life for Vargas. That’s why, most likely, Teloah “Telocvovim”, Teloah “Adveniat Infernus Part I”, and a demo recording by Lukiftian, all experimental recordings, are missing. Gorevenge “Divided Mind”, a melodic black / death metal recording featuring “Geo”, was unfortunately wiped too, although the material was very good! Only one track survived, “Descent”. The track made it to a split release with Inflammator, released in October 2004. Speaking of splits, a split release between Fatal Injection and Remain exists, or existed, since all tracks are missing except “Deceive Yourself” by Remain. The track can be found on the compilation “Lost in Time I”.

Speaking of curiosities in the discography of Vargas a bit more, a demo recording by Kobaia and ETM “Salamo Stories / Unlimited”, branded as experimental recordings, could sound like rather interesting experiments, although there is no way of finding out that, since all tracks from these recordings are missing, but zeuhl influences sound exciting indeed! Curiously as well, there is also no way of finding out if a demo recording by Project Kronos actually existed. It was mentioned in the discography, but the status of the recording is unknown; although the track “Obsession 90” could come from that demo. This track was released on two compilations, “Lost in Time I” and “Pattern Recognition Part One”.

To be continued…

CN LUNDQVIST / "The Legacy: 2002-2004" / March 2016
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
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