Patronising parents

[BlackenedRose*]

Worse or better than outright anger?

They 'found out' the other week and they've done nothing since but talk about how it's a 'phase', and when I went to bed they go 'don't be doing your stupid witch thing', and they've taken out my Charmed DVDs (yeah, so I like it) because I'm getting carried away with it...

I've done the normal things like try to explain it, but nothing will get through to them. I hate hate hate it.

Any ideas?

[Wolf Heart]

They took your Charmed DVD's? That's not cool, I like that show too.
My mom was the same way, I had checked out some books on Wicca at the library and she saw them and freaked, called the library and told them never to allow me to check out books like that again, then she blamed it on me watching Charmed (she watched it more than I ever did.)
I just ignored her and went back to my room, she hasn't asked about it ever since then. I'd suggest just giving them a few days to cool down, if they don't listen go all rebel on them, lol just kidding.
I can't give you really good advice because if I were in your position I'd lose my temper way too easily, it's a family trait, and blow up on them only making the situation worse.

I hope things go well, my wishes go to you.

[juliaki]

For most teens, it *is* just a phase. Because parents want to think that their children are just like every other kid out there, it is hard for them to comprehend that their kid might be different.

Give them time, and be patient with them. If it isn't just a phase, then eventually they'll come to understand that. But also look at the image that you're presenting to them. If you're watching Charmed, collecting spell books, dressing odd, etc., they probably think that it is a pop culture rebellion issue. If you want them to see you in a different light, show them that this isn't just a pop culture teeny bopper fad to you. Show how the spiritual side of the religion makes a positive change in your life.

[Wolf Heart]

For most teens, it *is* just a phase. Because parents want to think that their children are just like every other kid out there, it is hard for them to comprehend that their kid might be different.

Give them time, and be patient with them. If it isn't just a phase, then eventually they'll come to understand that. But also look at the image that you're presenting to them. If you're watching Charmed, collecting spell books, dressing odd, etc., they probably think that it is a pop culture rebellion issue. If you want them to see you in a different light, show them that this isn't just a pop culture teeny bopper fad to you. Show how the spiritual side of the religion makes a positive change in your life.

Well said, and yes there are sometimes misunderstandings with parents thinking it is a pop culture thing. I didn't even start wicca until almost a year after I stopped watching Charmed.

[BlackenedRose*]

But the thing is, I don't collect spell books or dress gothy. And yes, I watch Charmed, but so do a lot of people.

The thing that's really pissing me off also is that they took all my candles and incense. I'm a bit buggered for spells now, aren't I?

Thanks for the good advice, you're probably all right and I should just stick at it.

[juliaki]

But the thing is, I don't collect spell books or dress gothy. And yes, I watch Charmed, but so do a lot of people.

The thing that's really pissing me off also is that they took all my candles and incense. I'm a bit buggered for spells now, aren't I?

Thanks for the good advice, you're probably all right and I should just stick at it.

I must admit, my ex-husband watched the first season or so of Charmed, and I'd have to leave the room...it had to be one of the cheeziest, worst-acted shows that I had ever seen. Granted, it was made by the same guy who did Satan's School for Girls and the Love Boat, so there's the "quality aspect" for ya.

I can also understand parents not wanting their kids burning things in the house. Accidents can happen, and the last thing they want is their kid setting the house on fire in the middle of the night. Incense...well, depending on when they were around, incense is what you used to cover up the smell of smoking pot. By not letting you have incense, they probably hope they can help protect you from drug use.

But I'm very curious why you don't think you can do spells without candles or incense.... they're probably some of the least important items I keep around my house for rituals or spells.

[BlackenedRose*]

Yeah, I accept that Charmed is cheesey, but it's funny-cheesey. I don't watch it for anything but a laugh.

And I suppose you're right about that candles-and-incense not burning the house down thing, but I actually aren't that kind of girl and my parents know it, or at least I hope they do. But maybe they are being quite protective and all that jazz.

And I don't think I could do many spells without candles, mainly because that's the way I've always written them that way, you know, using candles in general. But I am interested to know what you do, for example, for casting a circle if you don't use candles. Because I've always done it that way.

Thanks for your input

[Addalaide]

My parents dont know i have been studying wicca. I dont live with them but when i did i wasnt alowed to get into anything like that and i ended up telling my dad "with what i am intrested in i have to watch out that i dont go to "freaky" on you becuse it IS border line pagan", and he accepted it and we talked about how some thing that many pagan religons do are acceptable ( to him my mom whould probly kill him for him telling me "its ok" ) like there meditaiting and centering and grounding yourself self controle, undertsnadning and knowing how to use herbs, also refloxolagy.This was acceptable to him. All i was "allowed" to do at the house was study Aromatherapy because i found a book that said there are 188 mentions of herbs used in the bible and my mom found that aromatherapy was acceptable to the christian religon witch whould alow me to study herbs also.She also alowed to to make candles.

What i am trying to get at is just sit your parents down and try to talk to them, ask them what thay see as acceptable, explan to them your not going all freaky on them, and i know its hard but understand thay truly see it as a phase. I was in a phase for 6 years befor thay gave up and accepted i dont wanna where bright girly colors and just prefer black ( not even all the chains and bondage crap some people where ) So it will be hard for them to accept it but if you can prove to them that it isnt a phase, also explan to them you think charmed is cheesy and that is nothing how a real witch whould act. Also ask them if thay have any questions about it, maby that will halp them understand it better. If you can get ahold of some of thes things Sandalwood and grapfuit are good for removeing negativity , and for anxiety bergarmont ( citrusy smelling also cant find them at stores or i havent) Lemon , Lavender, and Tangerine are good , for a relaxing atmospher lavender ( lavender is just good for every thing ) geranium jasmin or sandalwood are good to use, if you can get ahold of any of it ( even it its just eating a tangerin while talking to them ) it could help mellow every thing out a bit.Jasmin and Sandalewood are good for confadence also. I hope this helped, sorry it was a bit long. But sence thay know you mite as well explan to them about it or just ask them if thay have any question.

Also Wolf Hart, my family is evil thay already told me i wasnt alowed around there children because i where black...thay have no pationts and all are on meds because there crazy....So i can relate very well to bad temper.


~Addalaide

[gingerkitty]

Hi there,have you tryed talking to them with some of the information in hand,bring the books that you yourself have read and let then look through them . maybe if they see what your into they wont get so freaked out as you put it.sometimes its just hard for them to think your doing things without their understanding.

[moonlit]

I LOVE Charmed, but I dont live my life by it and it's not thr reason I got into wicca. I mean it's not even close to the truth cuz ya know.. it's a TV SHOW. Lol

I think my mom might be in denial. She found some information about me that practialy told her that I was a witch, I mean she would have to be really stupid not to figure it out at this point lol. The problem is that she didn't say ANYTHING at all!!!! That is just totally unlike my mother I mean she is a Baptist for crying out loud.

All I can sujest is that you somehow show her that it's not a phase and that you are seriouse about it. I have no Idea.. lol.

moonlit

[BlackenedRose*]

I think I may just stick it out and wait until I get out of here...only a couple more years. Its so hard to try and convince someone who is so closed-minded, it's the summer solstice today and they were doing the TV weatherman thingy at Stonehenge, where there were like millions of Pagans and all that there, and he did nothing but take the piss for the whole 5 minutes. I told him 'if it makes them happy, why can't they do it?' and he just dismissed it like 'but it's stupid, so why are they doing it?'

But then, this is a man who would vote BNP if he could get off his arse to vote, and considers all people not 'white british' rapists and murderers who all sponge off his hard earned money and don't add anything to society.

Thanks for all your help.

[WolfWitch]

and for anxiety bergarmont ( citrusy smelling also cant find them at stores or i havent)

Super simple solution. Earl Grey tea. The ingrediant that gives it that heady, wonderful aroma and flavor...Oil of Bergomont.

Personaly, My mother is in the dark and shall remain so. I am 33 and in all of the time I have known her (and she and I are very close) I know that she would just not understand. She was born in 31 and I know she just isn't open enough.

Oh well.

BB

WW

[Addalaide]

My parents will most likly stay in the dark. Unless my aunt tells them....witch is a posibility also....shes one of those people you wanna trust but then she dose something so you cant trust her....

Oh yeah and thinks for the Earl Gray tip. I have the EO myself but EO's are a little on the expinsive side.

~Addalaide

[Awen]

Whats happening now, Blackened Rose?
I hope they understand soon.
I guess I was lucky. Or maybe I became interested in things so gradually that my parents didnt have a chance to put their finger on any one thing. I started off being interested in astrology (most people find that reasonably harmless) and then I went to a few psychics and it just grew from there... I started buying books on all kinds of religions and spiritualities just because I was interested. My mum is actually quite interested in it herself, but she gets scared by the full on stuff. I remember mum coming in to me laughing one day and said that dad had been in my room for something one afternoon and said to her "she's got some very strange books in there" haha but nothing was ever said. Now I'm 31 and I dont hide it from anyone but at the same time I choose my time and place to talk about it. Some people are just not going to accept your beliefs no matter what you say or do.
Good luck, I hope they realise its not what they think.
A x

[BlackenedRose*]

They've just made it into a passing dig at me. I think this is the way it's going to be, and I'm just going to have to accept that they are not going to get it. But I got my Charmed DVDs back. Yes, I am sad.

Thanks for your advice everybody.