My girlfriend just left me... And it hurts like hell.

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Firebird
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Re: My girlfriend just left me... And it hurts like hell.

Post by Firebird »

keep your head screwed on and remember....TALK, talk, talk, and have fun being single.
The perfect witch is out there somewhere, witchvox http://www.witchvox.com/vn/pa/fixx_paa.html did not reveal bunches of pagans but there must be Heathens in your area. Perhaps you could make a profile at witchvox...sponsor and event? maybe for Imbolc coming up. Witches might come out of the wood work.

hey I found this article https://wildhunt.org/2015/04/paganism-a ... nland.html
We used to have at least 2 or 3 members here that were form Finland, wonder where they went?
BB, FF
“There are things known and things unknown and in between are the Doors.”
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Re: My girlfriend just left me... And it hurts like hell.

Post by L.J.Hex »

Yea, I think I saw some old post from a Finnish member here. :)

The problem about meeting witches here is the distances, everything is far away. There's of course the "heathen net" group here, they have forum and fb site and they have happenings all the time, mostly in south though. There's a lot of pagans in Finland, but not that many withces, I assume there's way more than how it looks like as many are solitaries.

It would be awesome to find a girlfriend who would also be into witchcraft. One kind of a dream come true I guess.
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Re: My girlfriend just left me... And it hurts like hell.

Post by L.J.Hex »

I guess I'm quick. Not much of a heart ache any longer. I have been making up stuff to keep my mind busy and I have been so socially active, its crazy. Online mostly as I'm stuck to this town without a car... But it has been such a good therapy. For some mystical reason, many old friends have showed up and started talking and asking me out and so on. "out of the blue", "by coincidence" and all that. I don't believe in coincidence theories.

I have been asking for my life to be filled with friendship, love, sex and all the nice things I have missed for quite a long time. (Over two years most of the time as long distance relationships have their issues.) It seems that my prayers are being heard.... Last two weeks have been awesome on this regard. My ex came to talk with me two times and she seems to be in good spirits. Knowing her Gemini traits, this is exactly what I expected and now that I'm letting her be, she will most likely come back sooner than later, probably better, happier, nicer than ever before. Although I'm having a different attitude now, nothing will be too serious. I've been hurt enough. :)

Anyway, I got so many friends keeping me busy, both new and old that I simply don't have time to think of any loss or missing someone. And as I predicted, my ex hasn't forgot me. We even talked about me going to visit her during the spring. Things are going my way, big time. :mrgreen:
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Re: My girlfriend just left me... And it hurts like hell.

Post by L.J.Hex »

Just as I get to say about not so much heartache...

I talked with her, I wanted to make it really clear where we are. I guess I was still hoping for something. Its over now. Its finished. Apparently she has been wrestling with same feelings as I have and it ain't easy. We agreed to take some distance and time, try to get over the sadness and let time heal things. Somehow its all so much clearer now. But the talk we had just made me think about it all over again. And it still hurts when I think of her. I haven't had this hard breakup for what, almost twenty years. I never thought it could feel like this again, but it does.

I guess I was right back when I thought its too good to be true. I want this thread to be over already. I want this chapter in my life to be over. I'm so so so sick and tired of being hurt. To be dumped by someone I love more than anything. So long hasty dating, I'm done with that.

I wish I wont need to post anything on this thread any more. This here song speaks better than I do, so... Here you go. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsmB_NiAqco
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Re: My girlfriend just left me... And it hurts like hell.

Post by barker »

A simple analytical stance:

love is not pain
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Re: My girlfriend just left me... And it hurts like hell.

Post by L.J.Hex »

I can't sleep. I have to put my thoughts down somewhere or my head will soon explode.

I'm so sick of it all. I'm sick of nearly constant change in my love life, if you could call it that. And constant means being left every other year or so. In the last case in bit less than a year. I have dated so many girls, I'm ashamed to admit it. This same pattern has been repeating in a way or another since I was about fifteen. Twenty damn long years of the same thing over and over and over again... The only thing that has changed is that now it might last few years instead of few months and I screw things up far less, at least not in any dramatic way.

It seems like getting better at dealing with relationships changes nothing. I have become extremely loyal, honest and open about everything and anything. Yet it makes no difference. When I was younger I lost my interest rather quickly and often resorted to cheating. I hate to admit that. Another problem I had was drinking, as I turn into a complete moron when I get wasted. These problems ruined a lot of things. But that's not the problem any more as I have grown up a lot. But still, I keep getting left.

Who's to blame? It takes two to tango, every time... But I can't help it that I start blaming myself and thinking what was my mistake this time, what have I done wrong? There must be something? I have had gargantuan confidence problems, most of which I have dealt with successfully, some times it still bothers me when something bad happens or I just have a bad day. When ever things don't go my way, I always search for problems in myself. Breakups are no different. I keep over analysing every detail I remember and think back and forth what was my mistake. And I can't come up with anything to make sense to it.

When times like this happen, I keep on wishing I could be a hermit, that I would have what it takes to just be happy without anyone around me. But I can't, I just can't. I'm made to be a people person, I need it and I can't live without it. I have tried million times to stay single, not rush and take my time with people and without a failure, that approach has been doomed to fail every single time. I have said it so many times I don't know if its smart to do it any more. But this time, I'm so totally fed up with all of this that I might actually harden myself and stick with it. (This post will probably end up being very long...)

But how to accomplish that? To not rush. I have a huge weakness and that's following the first crush like a madman. And oh boy do I get a crush easily! All it takes is that some pretty woman shows interest, talks with me being smart enough, then add in little flirt, pretty eyes, and a smile and I'm there. I'm always so excited about making new friends in general... And specially with women, I'm so easy to fool its hilarious. Getting a crush on someone is one the best feelings I know, its so exciting and fun to just fly with it. For me these matters are so much in the mind that I probably make it be ten times more than it actually is. The crush ain't the problem, I'm starting to know how to deal with it. It goes away quite quickly, unless its been fed. And how I love to do just that. I follow the first crush, the crush starts turning into love and then there's nothing I can do about it. And when my heart tells me to do a thing, I damn sure do it or die trying.

I have so much love to give, I think I'm on the constant rush to find a channel for it. And I'm hasty as heck, this last one, that was love at the first sight, there's no other way to put it. I fell for her in a blink of eye. That has happened to me I think three times so far. No others have been just like that. But still, mad rush every time. Everything, here, now. When ever I truly fall in love with someone, I'm blind, deaf and there's no room for being smart or thinking things over. Now I'm starting feel a bit scared of the whole idea. Knowing how things go for me, sooner or later, usually in less than six months, there will be someone and I will fall for her, just like it has happened before. And bang! I'm dating again, being totally into it, planning things, dreaming about a future together and its one heck of a ride of the lifetime. And then later on, one of us will get bored or something bad happens and the cycle starts again.

Am I doomed to repeat this thing to the end of my days? I certainly don't want to. I have had to start all over again so many times, I have been disappointed and hurt over and over. I don't want it any more. I want to settle down already. The hard part is that most of the time it seems that they've been wrong kind of people to be with me or I haven't been able to meet the expectations. And do I ask for too much then, all I want is someone who enjoys simple life, who is smart enough to have deep conversations with and who will accept me as I am, with all my weirdness and eccentricities. I'm an oddball for sure, nothing like a grey run of the mill random Joe, but I'm also very easy to please and I don't ask for much. At least in my mind I don't. For many it seemed like they fell in love with some picture in their mind rather than what I am. There's certain things about me which just can't be changed no matter what. But am I just too difficult somehow? This is a huge dilemma to which I just can't make an answer for.

If there's something really positive about the mess that's my life, its that I can honestly say I'm quite experienced about this stuff and every time something goes well or totally tits up, it adds up. I know how to deal with people most of the time. This experience makes it much easier to see who's worth the effort and who are best left ignored. But still I just can't find a woman who would actually be ready to stick up with me through what ever life throws at us. Why is it that me being so experienced and so bleepin' smart, but I can't just find a decent partner?! Or at least see it in time that something's not adding up? Why can't I see my own mistakes? I know they're right there.

Then another thing that keeps me wondering... Why is that the further away the girl is, more likely will she want to date me and be totally in love with me sooner rather than later(And then end up leaving...) It was ages ago since I was with someone who was from the same town or even close by. That's so weird, its not like I haven't tried. It feels like fate, as if there's some hidden hand making this happen and it keeps on happening time and again. Nothing wrong with it on the other hand, no distance is too great, no obstacle too high, no challenge worth not accepting...

For a fool like me.

If I could get 1€ every time someone said "You're so handsome and nice, you could get any girl you want." I would be a rich man by now. One thing I have taken note of is that if I will be looking for it, I find no one. As soon as I'm fed up and give up, that's when the magic happens and some fantastic pretty lady shows to my life and I'm totally sold and on the same beaten path I go. Perhaps being pretty, talkative, open minded and social has its drawbacks. Being a musician and some times a total party animal has not "helped" much either. I always get company. Certain kind of women are drawn to it and when they notice that I let them in really easy, they will just get more interested which makes me more interested too as I just love getting to know new people. I guess its a blessing and a curse at the same time. Being totally ordinary guy who doesn't stand out of the crowd would maybe be easier in a way that then the ladies who like me would probably like me instead of my looks or the way I speak etc. That's exactly what I would want, someone who likes me for my personality and my thoughts and ideas... Again, is that too much to ask? I don't think so.

Woaah this is a longest post I've ever done here. I rarely type this much in one go. Heck, at least this would make a nicely different kind of text for some dating website or something. xD

Hello pretty girl, are you into a crazy serialcrush-fallforyoujustlikethat heavy metal dude who's also a witch and a total weirdo and some times maybe a fun person to have a conversation with about witchcraft, quantum physics, the weirdness of human mind or the deeper meaning of Mayhem lyrics? If you are, I'm your man, come on, try me, fall for me, love me and stick up with me. I can't promise you much, but I will sure drag the moon down for you and split mountains on the way to you with my bare hands if that's what it takes. I promise to make you happy and give you all the love in the world.

By the way, can someone take a educated guess under which stars I was born? It should be obvious by now. :mrgreen:
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Re: My girlfriend just left me... And it hurts like hell.

Post by Firebird »

Ummmmm, I have a feeling you have a little bit of an oxytocin addiction. You cycle, when it gets old..bubye and on to the next fix. This is a hard one, no one wants to kick the love drug.
You also mention wishing someone to accept for who you are, are you just as accepting of your partners quirks, wants, desires.?
Do you ever wish to change a girlfriend, like, she would be great except for...
?
Your parter would be best suited if they were first your best friend then your lover and not the other way around or you are slating yourself to a lifetime of this cycle. Its fun, I've been there myself. Its a roller coaster though, and sometimes they are exhilarating and sometimes you want to throw up.

That's some intense wee morning hours shadow work, and wouldn't you know it, during the season of Imbolc, welcome to the quickening.
Bb, Firebird
“There are things known and things unknown and in between are the Doors.”
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Re: My girlfriend just left me... And it hurts like hell.

Post by L.J.Hex »

That was one heck of a venting session and it sure helped. :)

I dunno, you may be right? I have never thought it from that perspective. But I do know how easily I get addicted on things, many things, it happens very easily unless I'm careful. At least I try to... But its not always easy to see my mistakes, it could very well be that I have been some times too stubborn or demanding.

Now you're talking my language about being friends first. There is someone I could see that happening maybe. Anyway... I'm just so sick of pattern repeating, I want to end that somehow.
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Re: My girlfriend just left me... And it hurts like hell.

Post by barker »

I used to get madly in love and brokenhearted as well. Quite easily I would find myself giving all my love to somebody who I really just couldn't help feel that way about. Something changed at some point. I guess I thought to myself, "what happens every time this happens?" And the answer is, "nothing except further proof." So in more recent years I have been working with proof in a purer sense. What is reality? What is human? What is fact and what is fiction? I think I might have broken the cycle. I have a casual love interest thing going at the time I write, but you know what, proof is inside me now and I am actually not feeling so deeply drawn. I am almost sighing with relief as I say that.
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Re: My girlfriend just left me... And it hurts like hell.

Post by L.J.Hex »

Thanks for you input Barker.

Yea, breaking that cycle is exactly what I want to achieve too. One way or another. The problem is dealing with my own mind I guess. Getting my head around it some how. That will take some effort or the same beaten path awaits again.
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Re: My girlfriend just left me... And it hurts like hell.

Post by barker »

The problem is dealing with my own mind I guess.
Yep - same here. My mind doesn't have such to say for itself without that evolutionary focus on sex. Interesting thing I heard, scientists are believing that the primal urge is to sit and think, at it's most potent. Being a smoker I find that just grand.
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Re: My girlfriend just left me... And it hurts like hell.

Post by L.J.Hex »

Interesting, although not surprising. Btw, I'm a chronic over thinker. I always think of things maybe too much, to the point in which nothing makes sense and I get headache. Specially about relationships. That's why I try to keep busy because when ever I stop, I think... Too much.

How will I deal with love matters without going nuts about the first crush that will inevitably come again, that's my problem. At the moment its so easy to say I wont fall for it, but when someone nice comes to my life again it might be a different story. It would be so easy to be able to be alone. But there's no way for that to happen. :P
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Re: My girlfriend just left me... And it hurts like hell.

Post by L.J.Hex »

I can't shake her off my mind... Do I need to make some letting go ritual. :(
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