Attracted very negative energy— now what?
Posted: Fri Sep 25, 2020 9:30 pm
Hello everyone!
I feel like I’m in a bad place right now and don’t really know what to do.
For context: I meditated almost a week ago, and toward the end of my meditation I started to daydream about cartoon centaurs. When I was done meditating, I got a vision of a pretty realistic centaur (I wrote about my vision in more detail in my latest post). SpiritTalker then suggested I meditated more on the image, and so I did (or tried to).
•-•-•-•
A day later I meditated and tried to focus on the image, and visualized a *faint* image of the centaur just turning around and disappearing behind a large bush, and I felt like behind the bush was some kind of maze. Moving in the visualization for me was impossible without erasing the image altogether, so I couldn’t follow him. A night or two later, I had a fairly normal dream (I was shopping for plants/herbs), however, I felt a large invisible hand push me. I got pushed so hard by this hand, it felt as if my dream body “tore” its own reality and my waking body felt the impact. It wasn’t very scary, just surprising. The scary parts were when I was trying to go back to sleep and the shadows in my room starting warping weirdly and just felt very negative, but I managed to fall asleep.
The next night, I tried to meditate again (bad idea in retrospect). But, this time I couldn’t even relax and I was very tense and just had a bunch of negative emotions inside me. I looked at some large polka dots on a bed while trying to meditate, but these warped and looked like they had very sharp teeth on the inside of each dot. That’s when I called it quits, and I’ve been having weird feelings both in and out since then (feeling like I’m being watched etc). I’ve always been a massive magnet for this kind of stuff, and it frustrates me to have to experience it again after a while of having peace (worst experience didn’t happen too long ago either— saw a silhouette of a body hunched over atop a small ladder just staring at me). The image of the centaur in my mind was also replaced by a quite literally in-your-face centaur with a scary face and blown out hair. But, deep in me something tells me to dismiss this new image.
I’m still very new to meditation and even just paganism in general. I can’t visualize very well at all, so any guided meditation video talking about visualizing “protection” might as well be gibberish because it’s very hard to visualize anything and don’t even know what “protection” even means exactly. I don’t know of any rituals nor have any material that I know of to do them to purify my space and myself and get rid of negative energies.
Right now, the only one who I’m leaning on is Goddess Mari as practically by only thinking about Her brings me peace and tearful happiness. What saddens me is how I don’t know of any real offering to give to Her as most of the more advanced knowledge of the pantheon and individual deities were destroyed or demonized/tainted by Christians centuries ago (She is part of the Basque mythology).
I feel like I’m in a bad place right now and don’t really know what to do.
For context: I meditated almost a week ago, and toward the end of my meditation I started to daydream about cartoon centaurs. When I was done meditating, I got a vision of a pretty realistic centaur (I wrote about my vision in more detail in my latest post). SpiritTalker then suggested I meditated more on the image, and so I did (or tried to).
•-•-•-•
A day later I meditated and tried to focus on the image, and visualized a *faint* image of the centaur just turning around and disappearing behind a large bush, and I felt like behind the bush was some kind of maze. Moving in the visualization for me was impossible without erasing the image altogether, so I couldn’t follow him. A night or two later, I had a fairly normal dream (I was shopping for plants/herbs), however, I felt a large invisible hand push me. I got pushed so hard by this hand, it felt as if my dream body “tore” its own reality and my waking body felt the impact. It wasn’t very scary, just surprising. The scary parts were when I was trying to go back to sleep and the shadows in my room starting warping weirdly and just felt very negative, but I managed to fall asleep.
The next night, I tried to meditate again (bad idea in retrospect). But, this time I couldn’t even relax and I was very tense and just had a bunch of negative emotions inside me. I looked at some large polka dots on a bed while trying to meditate, but these warped and looked like they had very sharp teeth on the inside of each dot. That’s when I called it quits, and I’ve been having weird feelings both in and out since then (feeling like I’m being watched etc). I’ve always been a massive magnet for this kind of stuff, and it frustrates me to have to experience it again after a while of having peace (worst experience didn’t happen too long ago either— saw a silhouette of a body hunched over atop a small ladder just staring at me). The image of the centaur in my mind was also replaced by a quite literally in-your-face centaur with a scary face and blown out hair. But, deep in me something tells me to dismiss this new image.
I’m still very new to meditation and even just paganism in general. I can’t visualize very well at all, so any guided meditation video talking about visualizing “protection” might as well be gibberish because it’s very hard to visualize anything and don’t even know what “protection” even means exactly. I don’t know of any rituals nor have any material that I know of to do them to purify my space and myself and get rid of negative energies.
Right now, the only one who I’m leaning on is Goddess Mari as practically by only thinking about Her brings me peace and tearful happiness. What saddens me is how I don’t know of any real offering to give to Her as most of the more advanced knowledge of the pantheon and individual deities were destroyed or demonized/tainted by Christians centuries ago (She is part of the Basque mythology).