He is a liar.

[IceDragonX]

I am having some deep issues of the heart even though I am no longer with this guy. I use to be with this awesome guy for quite a long time. We ended last year and it was very difficult for me and him, I basically had no hope for the future. Thankfully with enough time available to mourn and finally telling my friends after several painful months later, I slowly began to recover. I still talk to one of his band mates. I like to keep in the know about the band because, I did a lot for that band and I am curious about the new music. Every time I talk to them or they talk to me, things dont add up. They find out things he has been saying they never knew and I find out things I never knew.

Today I found out something painful, another lie and its beginning to make me question about the relationship we use to have. He didn't cheat as far as I know (although I am cross examining that thought now), but he gets angry when I try to point out he might be lieing. Kind of like an animal hissing when they are pinned in a corner. Why would anyone bother lieing, especially after the relationship was done? Wouldn't that be a perfect chance to be vengeful and tell the disgusting truth? I always saw him as truthful, but then the last year and a half of the relationship I started hearing a lot of excuses and it made me angry. I heard things from other people too and it made me feel uneasy, but I clung onto the hope that he would stick to being truthful.

I can only see 2 reasons some one would lie:

1. They don't care about that person at all and don't have to be truthful becuase they can get away with it.

2. They like them enough to not want to hurt them and therefore will lie instead becuase, secretly they are only thinking about themselves.

I don't quite understand why lieing would be beneficial except for some one who desires ultimate control of his life, people and situations and really believes he can keep track of every lie. But he is extremely predictable and easy to catch, he says a lot of things, but it seems nothing is coming out of his mouth.

Has anyone dealt with this before? It is still very difficult for me to handle and I guess it hurts becuase I still care about him. Even though I sensed he wasn't telling the truth, it hurts to know that he thinks he can lie to me and get away with it. I don't talk to him anymore, but I wish he would stop lieing to everyone, including his new girlfriend, which I know he is already lieing to. Sigh. I know there isn't much I can do. He chooses the action, so he chooses the life and the consequences.

[Smolly]

wow, that sounds really hard to deal with =[ im sorry about that.
unfortunately i dont know anything that could help with this. it seems like a situation where you might never find the truth, and i know its no comfort knowing that =[

[IceDragonX]

Its ok, I just had to get it off my chest and see my options here. I just wish things would be better (at least on a friendly level) and he would stop doing the things he is doing now. He just won't get it until it hurts him back some how.

[Smolly]

have you ever confronted him face to face?
or would that be too painful?

[heidine]

I am sorry to hear that, but things might not be as bad as they seem!

you should also consider that some people just like to make drama.. And there might not be anything to the things you have heard and there can just be missunderstandings.
I had a some "friends" that kept accidentaly telling me really bad things about my (ex) boyfriend.. I was so upset,and they seemed so belivable.. made me totaly crazy, going around wondering like that.. and i even confrontet him about some of the things i heard, and he denied that it was true. But still, i wantet to belive him, and i guess a part of me did, but a part of me was still not sure.. it made me crazy in the end. Is he an asshole, or is he not...i could nevner make up my mind and see the thruth.

but, as it turned out, my friends were the liars.. I guess different friends had different motives, one wantet to date me himself and one just dont like seing me happy i guess...


Anyway, try talking to him about it.. Maybe feel your way around a bit and dont attack him with accusations and questions, or perhaps write down the things you want to ask him and read it again the next day and try to picture how you would feel if he asked you questions like that. That often calm me downs a bit and maybe make me drop a few questinds or find an other angle on it.

And dont take rumors for something they are not, they are just rumors!
Goind around just wondering and nevner knowing will make you unsure about everything in the end.

Good luck

[Witch1693]

Ok, are you a guy or girl?( i dont care if you are gay i just want to know how sensitive to be, girls usually tend to be more sensitive to advice, sorry if i offended anyone)

[IceDragonX]

Heidine - You could be right in that instance. I have thought about that actually, but I am not quite sure. It comes out more as "slip ups" then "I got something to tell you" kind of thing. I have talked to my ex about certain things that I needed to know to for myself, but his answers are quite avoiding and didn't answer it at all. Like I said, he does a lot of talking, but it really seems like he is saying absolutely nothing. He doesnt make sense, he is vague, he dances around certain questions, he won't give me anything straight, he gets huffy about certain subjects, than eventually shuts down. I am not sure how to approach him without it turning into a bitter argument. I always try to be nice about it, but it seems like he will attempt to grab control of the convo and force lead you some where else. The last time we talked, he was even bitterly sarcastic and mocked me for being nice, probably thinking I was trying to hurt him or something. So it is extremely difficult just to get real answers out of him or even talk to him about it honestly without him accusing me, jumping to conclusions, and becoming difficult. I feel like I have to dig them out while he buries them further. Its hard to just have a talk about these important things on a civil level, maturely.

We are on no speaking terms right now becuase his attitude is very condescending and I had made that decision for myself and my own sanity. I think, no matter how nice I am, I will not really get anything out of him. He will just tell me he has to leave or I dont know.

I am no longer sure how to approach him without getting the WRONG reaction.

Witch 1693 - I am female.

[Witch1693]

Ok thanks. Guys are liars. there are a rare gew who are not. guys will lie until the day they die(hehe that rhymed). I may sound mean but you have to get over it.

[IceDragonX]

That is a big generalization, women lie a lot too (sometimes more than men). It is to what extent the lies become and how much impact they do to other people. It is not a gender flaw, but a personality flaw. Those that lie a lot are addicted to lieing and can not be dealt with in the same way some one who doesn't lie as much would be dealt with. They may chose the action, but the addiction is what allows them to continue.

[Witch1693]

Thats very true, but i think guys lie alot more, i mean when woman lie it is malicious, it is terrible, but they dont do it as much. my advice is just get over it, i sound mean and i sound malicious but that is the best i can give

[Sobek]

i think witch1693 hit the nail on the head. the relationship is in the past, said and done and if lying is his way so be it he'll learne eventually. but it does sound like you need closure of some sort, but i think you can find this within yourself by moving on good and proper.

by the way i am a guy and i dont lie to people, i have something to say about a person they are the first to know. thats barely anyone likes me eh. ya lie to people they hate you, you tell them to truth they hate you even more. but a true friend is one that can handle all truths and if a person isnt willing to give them the truths they in turn cannot call themselves a friend.

[IceDragonX]

I thought I got closure a while ago, however sometimes wounds open unexpectantly. Matters of the heart are complicated when you still have some feelings left, even if you know it is over. Only recently in the past few weeks have I finally moved away from all of these issues. So they still effect me a little. However, I think it hurts most becuase, he was such a great person before. But I know I am not dealing with that person, I am dealing with some one else. I know eventually his lieing will catch up with him. I am sure it already is catching up with him or has been.

In my own time I will eventually ease out of the entire feeling all together and only then will I get over all of this. But for now, it will always effect me a little, if not a lot at times. Eventually I will forgive everything he has done and move on. For now, single is the best way to go and I am not ready to find "better." I am kind of enjoying being single and not having drama effect my daily life. Today was a reminder of the drama he carries with him now and until he sees it for himself, not talking is the best thing for everyone.

I just hate lieing in general. Thanks for everyones input.

[heidine]

it always seems like "slip ups".. if it didnt they would get labled a bitch pretty soon! So any true bitch would make it seem like a slip up and try to make herself/himself look like they are on your side and that they feel really sorry for you, and they always really though you knew... always!

And it never helps trying to be nicer to a guy, ive done that misstake myself. Guys dont usually like girls who does whatever he tells her, they need a challenge. Often anyway.. they will just use you until they are sick of you, so never be anyting other than yourself! If he dont like you the way you are, then dump him.
You should always do what is best for you! Nobody else is gona do that for you.

Its proabably better to just forget him. You deserve better! I know how hard it is though. its like you would do anything for him, move to another continent and leave all your friends behind just to be with him, or just trying so hard to please him. A realationship shouldnt be like that! it should be a mutual thing.

[IceDragonX]

That is true and you are right, he could have just been purposely destroying everything. I made a decision actually 3 days ago to stop talking to this guy(the one that has been telling me about my ex). More for the reason I didnt want to hear anymore about "him" any longer, but now I can just pile on the reason that he might be causing shit. Its hard to forget though. It will take a long time to just forget about it completely, as it took me a good year to just get around to pushing away from him completely. I know eventually I will do it as I have done this. I just need the time to really get over all the emotions.

Right now, I know I am not ready for some one better. Just thinking of a new relationship makes me feel trapped and that in itself, makes me think I should not persue anything for the time being and work on myself. I just need to stay single and away from relationships at the moment. They just require too much time out of me that I do not have right now. When I am ready, I am sure I will do it again. thanks for the advice.

[[pixiedust]]

I know wot u r going through the same happed with my other past relationships my most recent breakup resulted in a breakdown and im stil getting over that I lied to him i didn't intentianly mean 2 do so i never wanted 2 hurt him and i lied because i had suspicions that he may have been cheating on me...it turned out that he had been lieing to me as well he had been using me the whole time just for fun he told me that he never loved me of course i was angry and upset but i really do regret lying to him i hate my self for it..but when u find out that you have been lied to the truth hurts...I know but i think icedragonx you just need to forget about him now and just move on with your life it's all u can do and im going through the pain your going thro the pain...But it will get better i promise..and of course i bet you may be a may be abit doubtful niw like me lol.. my ex hated me althro the relationship as he admitted...he has also been lying to his friends making up storys about me after the breakup and i just cannot convince them now of him lieing to them.. .....since your on non speaking teams at least your doing the right thing and i can tell you are And great your involved in a band i got kicked out!