at this very moment my bf is riding his bike over to my apt. i told him not, i told him if he knocked on my door even once i would call the police. i do not care if he is being nice as he said he would. I care only that we have been fighting all night and i do not want to see him. that i have been arguing with him on instant messenger and phone all night. that mybiggest issue is boundaries and trust. the boundaries come from him doing things like refusing to leav my home and threatenting yelling at me in it. I told him tonight when he began to complain about our lacking sex life again that i would no longer be having sex with him, that i would not sleep with people i don't trust. mean i know, but i told him that he would have to earn trust not demand it. so he told me he would du,,p ,e ect. if we weren't having sex. i told him fine. that i am not afraid of whats next in my life. he got mad, then pleaded then got mad and then deicded he would "do whatever was needed to save his life because the relationship is his life" then hung up called back a couple of times and was met by my screaming about how dare he threaten me then told me it wasn't a threat and he would see me soon. wich was when i told him repeatedly he had better not show up.
i just a few minutes ago preformed a spell from the spells page here to end a relationship. i hope it doesn't end all nasty with the cops. seemed pretty benign what with the untieing of cords and walking away and such visulization. everyone send me good thoughts and energies.
please please everyone send me some healing helpful energies
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[echolady]
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:40 pm
Of course.I 've been thinking of you anyway,keep that good neighbour close by, it helps to have support and a witness around.About the police - I know they can be a pain in the ass, but you need to get him out of your hair, I 'd call them ,every time he harrasses you,eventually they will get fed up and they will have to do something,lay a paper trail - it will get on his nerves too.If that is all it does ,it is at least something. There are some decent police officers out there - hard to believe but there are. I'd not be available for him either -change your phone no. if he's coming over, go out.Public place ,only meet him in public places -you have to define the rules now. It's hard but it's playing him back at his game. If he threatens suicide -tell him to go ahead,I handed one ex a knife and showed him how to do it right, gave him some tips.[I had a bigger knife concealed,just in case,it was a strange situation] needless to say he didn't do it. It 's just another form of control. Can you have the neighbour stay with you?I would not be alone with him,unless I was certain I had a weapon I can use,even then.........???????I 'd wait outside for him and suggest[demand] going to a bar/cafe for coffee,to talk. Keep it public,they don't like their real selves being seen so tend to behave much better when there are witnesses.Thinking of you,sending you strength.As much as I have.
I'll send you some too but in the end its all up to you, all the positive energy in the world wont make a lick of difference if you arent willing to do whatever it takes to get yourself free. Sounds like you're on the right track tho. I dated a crazy bitch that was just like that. Worse even. She once told me that if I didnt let her in my apartment to have sex with her that she was gonna bust all the windows out and come in and get my ass. Whats even worse is I think we might've had a kid together because she got pregnant shortly after we broke up. The last time we did have sex she told me she couldn't get pregnant. So now I might have a crazy kid running around out there without a father getting into Gods know what kind of mischief. So yeah I feel you and positive energies are coming your way. I could use a few myself because this bitch is nowhere to be found and I've shed enough tears wondering about the kid who could be my son and what its going to be like for him growing up without a father and probably ending up in prison like his crazy bitch mother. Sorry about the rant I hope all goes well for you. I'm lighting a candle for you right now. BB.
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[echolady]
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:40 pm
thank u all, i felt your thoughts and energies and in general feel better today then i think i should. he did come over kept pounding on my door and kept getting load about how i should answer cause it was 2 early for the neighbors to have to hear this ( his little way of letting me know he isn't beyond getting me kicked out due to noise harrassement and such ) This went on for about 20 min. then i heard him mumble something and everything was silent, i went outside, locked my door behind me incase he tried to sprint inside and he was gone, about 15 min later there was furous knocking again i finally opened the door and demnaded he leave to wich i was met with a mentally ill person perspireing heavily ( it was not a hot enough morning for that ) apparently what he had mumbled at my door was i had better meet him at the river and he would waiting, well now he was really mad, he made me get dressed and yelled at me in the stairwell until i got on my bike and rode towards the river to wait on him. unfortunatly i got confused and went to the wrong end ( he was walking i was ahead on my bike) things blew up again and this went on until 11am or so at wich point he decided he was going to be living with me for the next 48 hours because i was going to give him my A-game in the bedroom for the next 48 hours .
today after waking me up and yelling at me some more he made me walk to his house and spend the day there, then he decided he was really sorry for everything and i should forgive him.
your all wondering why ididn't call the police. because i had no marks, the police actually have told me i must have not just marks but something resonably substantial for them to do anything besides ask him to leave, wich he will do, hide in an ally or go get a coffie and come right back, and i will call the police and he will just leave before they get there and come back when there gone. he is crazy enough to do this for however long it takes me to see he wins. also today he had a split eye from where he and his friend were wresteling around earlier he dared me to call the police, he told me he would be happy to blam his eye on me and send me to jail on domestic battery, then the police would never believe me ever again because i would have a charge from hitting him, so then he could always tell them he had to defend himself in future events. If i did get like a trespassing warrent, they would only take him to jail for a night and after he violates the warrent, wich he would do immediatly upon there leaving, all they will do is lock him up over night when he gets out the next day he will come back to my house 2x as pissed.
In the end today i have relised i am going to have to up and move. I don't know how to do this without him noticing, i don't know where to go or how to get the money together, i just moved in here. Truthfully though he will wreck me or kill me before anybody in authority will do anything about it. It became painfully obvious today.
eretik, the suicide thing i only believe on cetain levals see he wont actually kill himself i don't think but what he does do when he threatens is well, he locks himself and me in a room and cuts himself and threatens me, slings blood everwhere, he drank bathroom cleaner once.
he is a sociopath in every meaning of the word i think.
thanks for your support guys, i really appreciate it, i know i'm the new girl here and i wasn't exspecting to be un-loading on everyone like this.
today after waking me up and yelling at me some more he made me walk to his house and spend the day there, then he decided he was really sorry for everything and i should forgive him.
your all wondering why ididn't call the police. because i had no marks, the police actually have told me i must have not just marks but something resonably substantial for them to do anything besides ask him to leave, wich he will do, hide in an ally or go get a coffie and come right back, and i will call the police and he will just leave before they get there and come back when there gone. he is crazy enough to do this for however long it takes me to see he wins. also today he had a split eye from where he and his friend were wresteling around earlier he dared me to call the police, he told me he would be happy to blam his eye on me and send me to jail on domestic battery, then the police would never believe me ever again because i would have a charge from hitting him, so then he could always tell them he had to defend himself in future events. If i did get like a trespassing warrent, they would only take him to jail for a night and after he violates the warrent, wich he would do immediatly upon there leaving, all they will do is lock him up over night when he gets out the next day he will come back to my house 2x as pissed.
In the end today i have relised i am going to have to up and move. I don't know how to do this without him noticing, i don't know where to go or how to get the money together, i just moved in here. Truthfully though he will wreck me or kill me before anybody in authority will do anything about it. It became painfully obvious today.
eretik, the suicide thing i only believe on cetain levals see he wont actually kill himself i don't think but what he does do when he threatens is well, he locks himself and me in a room and cuts himself and threatens me, slings blood everwhere, he drank bathroom cleaner once.
he is a sociopath in every meaning of the word i think.
thanks for your support guys, i really appreciate it, i know i'm the new girl here and i wasn't exspecting to be un-loading on everyone like this.
We have a sticky thread now with advice ,info and resources. I will be adding to it more later today. Please have a look. I will be checking and if there isn't helpful advice for your situation ,Echolady,I will be sure and find something. He is playing you and winning.You may need to move,I think that may be inevitable -I hate how this has to happen,but often it is the best thing. He has his twisted claws in you and won't give up easily.He has invested time and effort in 'training' you and it's so much hassle for him to have to do that to someone else,it's easier to get you back in line.This is hard, but you need to talk to someone who can help and advise, there are laws to protect you and you can get help -it's just finding it that is hard.I 've had that 'no marks -no abuse,go away' attitude,I know where you are coming from on that. It is disgraceful,but it happens. I will be doing all I can this morning to find something for you, to help. I have to get kids out to school now.More later.
stay strong EchoLady, even giving in to him in the seemingly small ways you are, are enough to keep him going...obsession can drive people to do some pretty drastic things but in these situations even the smalles glimmer of hope can be so much more dangerous!
this wont sound nice, but in essence if you care about your safety and well being you have to stop caring about his, thats just another rope that will keep you bound and rope burn sucks!
do you have any family or friends that you could bunk with for a bit? if you've got family and friends to support you that will boost your confidence greatly.
this wont sound nice, but in essence if you care about your safety and well being you have to stop caring about his, thats just another rope that will keep you bound and rope burn sucks!
do you have any family or friends that you could bunk with for a bit? if you've got family and friends to support you that will boost your confidence greatly.
Echolady,I want to go through this with you,bear with me.
"he did come over kept pounding on my door and kept getting load about how i should answer cause it was 2 early for the neighbors to have to hear this ( his little way of letting me know he isn't beyond getting me kicked out due to noise harrassement and such ) "
He is playing you here. It is him who has something to lose by neighbours hearing noise,that gives you witnesses that he is shouting/abusing you verbally/coercing you.DO NOT FALL FOR THIS TACTIC.LET HIM LOSE IT,ENCOURAGE IT,SCARY AS IT IS,stay behind a locked door[me -I have a wooden friend - Mr.baseball bat,I am not joking] - CALL THE POLICE AFTER A FEW MINUTES.Get it on record.Insist it is noted down,at least.He IS harassing you.[ can you get someone to be with you,when he says he is coming over?check a neighbour is at least at home and will hear and note what he shouts ?you need to take steps, you need to not let him do this,HE IS PLAYING ON YOUR FEAR]
"about 15 min later there was furous knocking again i finally opened the door and demnaded he leave to wich i was met with a mentally ill person perspireing heavily ( it was not a hot enough morning for that ) apparently what he had mumbled at my door was i had better meet him at the river and he would waiting, well now he was really mad, he made me get dressed and yelled at me in the stairwell until i got on my bike and rode towards the river to wait on him. unfortunatly i got confused and went to the wrong end ( he was walking i was ahead on my bike) things blew up again and this went on until 11am or so at wich point he decided he was going to be living with me for the next 48 hours because i was going to give him my A-game in the bedroom for the next 48 hours . "
Once again,he has all the control - DON'T OPEN THE DOOR.He never went away,he waited outside to make sure you didn't leave, and to give you time to get panicky and worry.He is also making sure you don't get help. well known and often used tactic. HE CONTROLS THE MEETING PLACE TOO.Riverside I 'm guessing is well away from public areas and lots of people/police? IF YOU MUST MEET HIM,WHICH I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD,GO PUBLIC,INSIST ON IT. COFFEE BAR -TOWN CENTRE,DAYTIME. I am horrified but not surprised about the 48 hour 'a' game. Sexual arousal for this kind of bastard usually comes after a good bout of bullying/abuse. THIS IS NO BETTER THAN RAPE,IT IS RAPE,IT IS COERCION,YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS -BUT i KNOW IT IS EASIER[GRRRRR]THAN FACING THE ALTERNATIVE[A BEATING/MURDER ATTEMPT]
"he is crazy enough to do this for however long it takes me to see he wins. also today he had a split eye from where he and his friend were wresteling around earlier he dared me to call the police, he told me he would be happy to blam his eye on me and send me to jail on domestic battery, then the police would never believe me ever again because i would have a charge from hitting him, so then he could always tell them he had to defend himself in future events. If i did get like a trespassing warrent, they would only take him to jail for a night and after he violates the warrent, wich he would do immediatly upon there leaving, all they will do is lock him up over night when he gets out the next day he will come back to my house 2x as pissed."
HE IS PLAYING YOU AGAIN,WHY WOULD THE POLICE AUTOMATICALLY SEND YOU TO JAIL FOR SOMETHING WHICH YOU DID NOT DO, THEY WON'T JAIL HIM FOR IT AND HE IS DOING IT,SO WHY YOU???? IN FUTURE EVENTS?????????????????????PLEASE UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH CONTROL HE HAS HERE,WHAT FUTURE EVENTS ?????? HE REALLY BELIEVES YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE HIM - HE THINKS HE HAS BROKEN YOU AND IT SOUNDS LIKE HE HAS. YOU NEED TO GET THE f*ck AWAY -NOW.Please excuse my language but this is one dangerous f*ck up. This will not end until you end it or he does If HE does it means serious injury/ death .Do you have family anywhere? Do you have anyone you can go to,stay with,get support from???YOU NEED TO GET AWAY,YOU NEED TO HAVE SOME TIME TO GATHER YOUR THOUGHTS AND RECOVER SOME SENSE OF SELF WORTH,HE HAS STOLEN YOUR ENERGY,YOUR LIFE AND YOUR SOUL - HE HAS WORN YOU DOWN TO THE POINT WHERE YOU ARE ACCOMODATING HIS ABUSE AND FACILITATING IT. THIS HAPPENS -AND IT STOPS YOU FROM FINDING THE STRENGTH TO ESCAPE,STOP BELIEVING HIS BULLSHIT -HAS HE GOT A CRIMINAL RECORD? I bet he has. I hope so,it can be used against him. On the resource thread,the first site has a list of 'state by state' helplines/resources - please check it and contact someone for help. Read the info. you will see your abuser in print.[DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR HIM,TIME FOR THAT YEARS LATER,WHEN YOU ARE SAFE AND RECOVERED ETC.]If it is no good,for whatever reason,then I 'll try and find more.You need to have help around you,I wish I could be there for you in realtime [-me and Mr.bat are formidable when annoyed. I'm really not joking, but if you smile at this it's cool.]
"In the end today i have relised i am going to have to up and move. I don't know how to do this without him noticing, i don't know where to go or how to get the money together, i just moved in here. Truthfully though he will wreck me or kill me before anybody in authority will do anything about it. It became painfully obvious today.
eretik, the suicide thing i only believe on cetain levals see he wont actually kill himself i don't think but what he does do when he threatens is well, he locks himself and me in a room and cuts himself and threatens me, slings blood everwhere, he drank bathroom cleaner once.
he is a sociopath in every meaning of the word i think.
thanks for your support guys, i really appreciate it, i know i'm the new girl here and i wasn't exspecting to be un-loading on everyone like this."
Moving would be great,can you take a little time to plan it?that is what women's aid groups advise - gather what money you can,pack light and just go,in the middle of the night if you have to - however you do it,I think you will have to do it and do it soon. I know it's unfair but it's better than ending up dead.You can start again - HELL, you've put up with already,everything else should be relatively easy after that.You have to stay strong,you are stronger than you think -it takes strength to stay sane when dealing with this kind of lunacy -but don't let him continue to leach you - New girl or no,I am seriously worried about you,praying for you and hoping you get out,sending you all my support and strength - Geri.
"he did come over kept pounding on my door and kept getting load about how i should answer cause it was 2 early for the neighbors to have to hear this ( his little way of letting me know he isn't beyond getting me kicked out due to noise harrassement and such ) "
He is playing you here. It is him who has something to lose by neighbours hearing noise,that gives you witnesses that he is shouting/abusing you verbally/coercing you.DO NOT FALL FOR THIS TACTIC.LET HIM LOSE IT,ENCOURAGE IT,SCARY AS IT IS,stay behind a locked door[me -I have a wooden friend - Mr.baseball bat,I am not joking] - CALL THE POLICE AFTER A FEW MINUTES.Get it on record.Insist it is noted down,at least.He IS harassing you.[ can you get someone to be with you,when he says he is coming over?check a neighbour is at least at home and will hear and note what he shouts ?you need to take steps, you need to not let him do this,HE IS PLAYING ON YOUR FEAR]
"about 15 min later there was furous knocking again i finally opened the door and demnaded he leave to wich i was met with a mentally ill person perspireing heavily ( it was not a hot enough morning for that ) apparently what he had mumbled at my door was i had better meet him at the river and he would waiting, well now he was really mad, he made me get dressed and yelled at me in the stairwell until i got on my bike and rode towards the river to wait on him. unfortunatly i got confused and went to the wrong end ( he was walking i was ahead on my bike) things blew up again and this went on until 11am or so at wich point he decided he was going to be living with me for the next 48 hours because i was going to give him my A-game in the bedroom for the next 48 hours . "
Once again,he has all the control - DON'T OPEN THE DOOR.He never went away,he waited outside to make sure you didn't leave, and to give you time to get panicky and worry.He is also making sure you don't get help. well known and often used tactic. HE CONTROLS THE MEETING PLACE TOO.Riverside I 'm guessing is well away from public areas and lots of people/police? IF YOU MUST MEET HIM,WHICH I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD,GO PUBLIC,INSIST ON IT. COFFEE BAR -TOWN CENTRE,DAYTIME. I am horrified but not surprised about the 48 hour 'a' game. Sexual arousal for this kind of bastard usually comes after a good bout of bullying/abuse. THIS IS NO BETTER THAN RAPE,IT IS RAPE,IT IS COERCION,YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS -BUT i KNOW IT IS EASIER[GRRRRR]THAN FACING THE ALTERNATIVE[A BEATING/MURDER ATTEMPT]
"he is crazy enough to do this for however long it takes me to see he wins. also today he had a split eye from where he and his friend were wresteling around earlier he dared me to call the police, he told me he would be happy to blam his eye on me and send me to jail on domestic battery, then the police would never believe me ever again because i would have a charge from hitting him, so then he could always tell them he had to defend himself in future events. If i did get like a trespassing warrent, they would only take him to jail for a night and after he violates the warrent, wich he would do immediatly upon there leaving, all they will do is lock him up over night when he gets out the next day he will come back to my house 2x as pissed."
HE IS PLAYING YOU AGAIN,WHY WOULD THE POLICE AUTOMATICALLY SEND YOU TO JAIL FOR SOMETHING WHICH YOU DID NOT DO, THEY WON'T JAIL HIM FOR IT AND HE IS DOING IT,SO WHY YOU???? IN FUTURE EVENTS?????????????????????PLEASE UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH CONTROL HE HAS HERE,WHAT FUTURE EVENTS ?????? HE REALLY BELIEVES YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE HIM - HE THINKS HE HAS BROKEN YOU AND IT SOUNDS LIKE HE HAS. YOU NEED TO GET THE f*ck AWAY -NOW.Please excuse my language but this is one dangerous f*ck up. This will not end until you end it or he does If HE does it means serious injury/ death .Do you have family anywhere? Do you have anyone you can go to,stay with,get support from???YOU NEED TO GET AWAY,YOU NEED TO HAVE SOME TIME TO GATHER YOUR THOUGHTS AND RECOVER SOME SENSE OF SELF WORTH,HE HAS STOLEN YOUR ENERGY,YOUR LIFE AND YOUR SOUL - HE HAS WORN YOU DOWN TO THE POINT WHERE YOU ARE ACCOMODATING HIS ABUSE AND FACILITATING IT. THIS HAPPENS -AND IT STOPS YOU FROM FINDING THE STRENGTH TO ESCAPE,STOP BELIEVING HIS BULLSHIT -HAS HE GOT A CRIMINAL RECORD? I bet he has. I hope so,it can be used against him. On the resource thread,the first site has a list of 'state by state' helplines/resources - please check it and contact someone for help. Read the info. you will see your abuser in print.[DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR HIM,TIME FOR THAT YEARS LATER,WHEN YOU ARE SAFE AND RECOVERED ETC.]If it is no good,for whatever reason,then I 'll try and find more.You need to have help around you,I wish I could be there for you in realtime [-me and Mr.bat are formidable when annoyed. I'm really not joking, but if you smile at this it's cool.]
"In the end today i have relised i am going to have to up and move. I don't know how to do this without him noticing, i don't know where to go or how to get the money together, i just moved in here. Truthfully though he will wreck me or kill me before anybody in authority will do anything about it. It became painfully obvious today.
eretik, the suicide thing i only believe on cetain levals see he wont actually kill himself i don't think but what he does do when he threatens is well, he locks himself and me in a room and cuts himself and threatens me, slings blood everwhere, he drank bathroom cleaner once.
he is a sociopath in every meaning of the word i think.
thanks for your support guys, i really appreciate it, i know i'm the new girl here and i wasn't exspecting to be un-loading on everyone like this."
Moving would be great,can you take a little time to plan it?that is what women's aid groups advise - gather what money you can,pack light and just go,in the middle of the night if you have to - however you do it,I think you will have to do it and do it soon. I know it's unfair but it's better than ending up dead.You can start again - HELL, you've put up with already,everything else should be relatively easy after that.You have to stay strong,you are stronger than you think -it takes strength to stay sane when dealing with this kind of lunacy -but don't let him continue to leach you - New girl or no,I am seriously worried about you,praying for you and hoping you get out,sending you all my support and strength - Geri.
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[echolady]
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:40 pm
thank you u so much, i have found more support here than anywhere, sad to because i have been on alot of abuse chat sites, there seems to be some kind of heirarchy on most of them, i feel small when i visit them.
My family situation is akward on the very best of days but mostly it's not much better than my current situation, my fater and mother are comfotably married, well to do have great jobs own there house ect. however hwne it is matters of need with there kids well that is something else althogether. I have never in my life recieved something from my mother i haven't paid dearly for. I have been constantly told by her in her own polite and sometimes not so polite way, that i am incapable of anything without her, that she is the only reason i am anything. sure she has her good days . during my childhood i received countless hours of terifying emtional abuse from her . It was rarely pysical ( although there were some incidents ) and it has continued to this day . she turns my calm father against me constantly and makes me out as the bad guy to relatives and coworkers. she has lied repeatedly to people around us and because she is crying and i am fuming ( i rarely yell just get nasty ) it looks bad. I was told i was stupid more times than i can count before i made it out of grade school. my aunts and uncle are nutty, no seriously i won't even go into. my brother i can't live with ( no room at the in and the list goes on.
as far as the manipulation goes, well i have heard of stranger things happening than a woman going to jail for a mark on her adusive other when she shouldn't have. he also knows jail scares me more than anything, i went once for a night, but on felony charges (later dropped) and didn't think i'd get out, fortunatly i was ROR ( no bail ) but my parents informed me if i ever went back they would not bail me out so not to even ask. so i could be stuck.
he does have a record all his violent stuff was jubenile and has been sealed. he has numerous traffic ticket and failure to appear, and a few minor pot charges.
furthermore i am just terrified. he hasn't hit me since dec. but he beat the bloody hell out of me, most of my friends where hanging out in the apt. directly under us, i know they heard but they did nothing, when it was all over he had markes on him too and just told everybody that sometimes we mutaly just "get into it "
the bat thing did make me smile, i have a shinah ( i think i spelled that right ) been fighting for 8 years VERY good at it . i don't keep weapons around ( we have between us a few ceremonial and decorational swords, knives ) like a baseball bat simply because i know he could wrench it away from me and then i'm screwed. the mentally ill are inhumanly strong when angered. mostly i try to guide our fights into open rooms, public places aren't as safe as they used to be, he will yell and throw things ect. wherever we are and u know what ? people will just tell u to leave! they won't offer me help, they will call the cops and tell them were both disturbing the peace but people just don't give a crap anymore. mostly they just tell us to leave.
I know it is rape,ur the first person to say that to me without any hesitation, it means alot cause i thought maybe i was overdoing it with rape, but yes thats what it is.
i am scared my enighbors will just complain to the landlord and not give a crap, abuse seems to be pretty common here, people seem immuned. i will have to write a post about that one of these days, maybe an article for the f*cking newspaper i am so sick of what i see and i know some women close to me that seem to be blissfully happy getting beat because " he'll apologize later, he didn't mean it, and they have learned how to handle it " or"it's my fault " what is wrong with this world ?
i will check out all the info u left eretik, i will. i must sleep now. i have some ideas for the moving thing but i will throw them up tomorrow. by the way the sticky of abuse sites i noticed right away, that was a wonderful thoughtful idea.
thank u all again, i have not felt this much support in years.
My family situation is akward on the very best of days but mostly it's not much better than my current situation, my fater and mother are comfotably married, well to do have great jobs own there house ect. however hwne it is matters of need with there kids well that is something else althogether. I have never in my life recieved something from my mother i haven't paid dearly for. I have been constantly told by her in her own polite and sometimes not so polite way, that i am incapable of anything without her, that she is the only reason i am anything. sure she has her good days . during my childhood i received countless hours of terifying emtional abuse from her . It was rarely pysical ( although there were some incidents ) and it has continued to this day . she turns my calm father against me constantly and makes me out as the bad guy to relatives and coworkers. she has lied repeatedly to people around us and because she is crying and i am fuming ( i rarely yell just get nasty ) it looks bad. I was told i was stupid more times than i can count before i made it out of grade school. my aunts and uncle are nutty, no seriously i won't even go into. my brother i can't live with ( no room at the in and the list goes on.
as far as the manipulation goes, well i have heard of stranger things happening than a woman going to jail for a mark on her adusive other when she shouldn't have. he also knows jail scares me more than anything, i went once for a night, but on felony charges (later dropped) and didn't think i'd get out, fortunatly i was ROR ( no bail ) but my parents informed me if i ever went back they would not bail me out so not to even ask. so i could be stuck.
he does have a record all his violent stuff was jubenile and has been sealed. he has numerous traffic ticket and failure to appear, and a few minor pot charges.
furthermore i am just terrified. he hasn't hit me since dec. but he beat the bloody hell out of me, most of my friends where hanging out in the apt. directly under us, i know they heard but they did nothing, when it was all over he had markes on him too and just told everybody that sometimes we mutaly just "get into it "
the bat thing did make me smile, i have a shinah ( i think i spelled that right ) been fighting for 8 years VERY good at it . i don't keep weapons around ( we have between us a few ceremonial and decorational swords, knives ) like a baseball bat simply because i know he could wrench it away from me and then i'm screwed. the mentally ill are inhumanly strong when angered. mostly i try to guide our fights into open rooms, public places aren't as safe as they used to be, he will yell and throw things ect. wherever we are and u know what ? people will just tell u to leave! they won't offer me help, they will call the cops and tell them were both disturbing the peace but people just don't give a crap anymore. mostly they just tell us to leave.
I know it is rape,ur the first person to say that to me without any hesitation, it means alot cause i thought maybe i was overdoing it with rape, but yes thats what it is.
i am scared my enighbors will just complain to the landlord and not give a crap, abuse seems to be pretty common here, people seem immuned. i will have to write a post about that one of these days, maybe an article for the f*cking newspaper i am so sick of what i see and i know some women close to me that seem to be blissfully happy getting beat because " he'll apologize later, he didn't mean it, and they have learned how to handle it " or"it's my fault " what is wrong with this world ?
i will check out all the info u left eretik, i will. i must sleep now. i have some ideas for the moving thing but i will throw them up tomorrow. by the way the sticky of abuse sites i noticed right away, that was a wonderful thoughtful idea.
thank u all again, i have not felt this much support in years.
Like me,you have been worn down all your life.I understand the parental emotional abuse,been there too -done that. It is far more common than you think. You need to get out and move on. It seems there is no other option.I know how hard that is,but we need to get you to safety -above all other considerations.I have a few more links and I 'm looking for all advice I can get. The attitudes of people in general need to change. This 'turn away,I 'm not getting involved' 'not my business' has to stop. I hate humanity sometimes. I am a have a go hero,with scars to prove it - I won't turn away. I get called stupid for it, but I say to that -' stupid knows no fear,but I know fear - and I do it anyway -that's bravery, not stupidity' I am one wee woman, nobody special - but I can't stand by and stay silent. I 'm well known for this. My friends will groan,but they join in,lead by example -strength in numbers -a small start but at least it's something. Please do read the links there on the sticky,if nothing else it lets you see that you are not alone and may give you some ideas. I 'll be checking and adding more as I go. I hope you get a good sleep. Later. Geri.
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[echolady]
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:40 pm
eretik i have been going through the websites u posted , there are alot so i am slowly working my way through.
thank u all again for your support. it means the world to me, please continue to keep me in your thoughts, as i am feeling empowered these days in a way i haven't in years.
i did some research today on apt. in other areas. i was thinking about moving to another side of town ( i live in a large city ) so i could keep my job, but in the end i think i will not be safe that way. Sucks to i love my job, good money and my boss is fantastic, i think it's the only job i have ever had that i haven't hated.
I am also trying to research debt consolidation loans, i am in 9,000 worth of credit card debt and the minumu payments are getting out of hand specially if i have to come up with moving money. not really looking into the debt consolidation companys as my past research shows that mostly they end up ruining your credit. If i could get a loan a little lower than what i'm paying monthly well atleast it would be a steady payment and i would be able to budget better.
I was looking at apts. in a city about 3 hours from here. Looking at a farely large city and it's closly surrounding areas, after i get an idea of apts. i'm going to city search and check out the jobs and such. hoping to again find something similar to what i'm doing.
I'm going to work on getting my drivers liscense before i leave ( it's something i never did as a kid and now my nerves are so shot i have failed the test twice due to them )i have a car waiting on me when i've got it.
I have a good friend about an hour away from where i'm thinking of going. been good friends for about 7 years now. we dated a little during one of me and bf's breakups. his lease is done in dec. and he was wanting to relocate (general boredom with where he is living, job market is terrible there as well, high cost of living ). he had asked if he could stay with me for awile then wich was no problem he has roomed before. so i am thinking about asking him if he wants to relocate to X city with me. he doesn't have alot of money to help i'm sure but atleast i wouldn't have to do this alone, plus any help with bills would be awsome. I'd also feel safer having a man live with me during this time. time for more research i think. talk to u guys soon.
echolady
thank u all again for your support. it means the world to me, please continue to keep me in your thoughts, as i am feeling empowered these days in a way i haven't in years.
i did some research today on apt. in other areas. i was thinking about moving to another side of town ( i live in a large city ) so i could keep my job, but in the end i think i will not be safe that way. Sucks to i love my job, good money and my boss is fantastic, i think it's the only job i have ever had that i haven't hated.
I am also trying to research debt consolidation loans, i am in 9,000 worth of credit card debt and the minumu payments are getting out of hand specially if i have to come up with moving money. not really looking into the debt consolidation companys as my past research shows that mostly they end up ruining your credit. If i could get a loan a little lower than what i'm paying monthly well atleast it would be a steady payment and i would be able to budget better.
I was looking at apts. in a city about 3 hours from here. Looking at a farely large city and it's closly surrounding areas, after i get an idea of apts. i'm going to city search and check out the jobs and such. hoping to again find something similar to what i'm doing.
I'm going to work on getting my drivers liscense before i leave ( it's something i never did as a kid and now my nerves are so shot i have failed the test twice due to them )i have a car waiting on me when i've got it.
I have a good friend about an hour away from where i'm thinking of going. been good friends for about 7 years now. we dated a little during one of me and bf's breakups. his lease is done in dec. and he was wanting to relocate (general boredom with where he is living, job market is terrible there as well, high cost of living ). he had asked if he could stay with me for awile then wich was no problem he has roomed before. so i am thinking about asking him if he wants to relocate to X city with me. he doesn't have alot of money to help i'm sure but atleast i wouldn't have to do this alone, plus any help with bills would be awsome. I'd also feel safer having a man live with me during this time. time for more research i think. talk to u guys soon.
echolady
echolady, I want to thank you for opening up. For speaking out and telling your story to a bunch of strangers. It may sound strange, because I *know* that you feel low, that you feel worthless, that you feel ineffectual, that you feel without any quarter or mercy in this world. Take it from me, justice is out there.
How do I know? Well, reading your story, I started having deja vu. No I haven't dated anyone like this, but... I had this cousin. And while he never escalated to the point that I'm reading on the page, the pattern is very very similar. It's just that... well, he and I were kids and grew up spending summers together. Largely unsupervised summers, with only a very healthy 80+ year old woman to watch over us, and about 80 acres of land in the middle of no where.
Here's the funny thing. You'd think that a child version of this guy that you describe would be totally in control of that little old lady. You are very much wrong. My grandmother is a powerhouse, with 30+ years of teaching and sunday school under her belt. Her power over him was a blessing to me, in many ways, but she couldn't be everywhere.
I won't go into details, but we'll just say that he did very bad things to small animals to keep me in line. So why the hell am I convinced that there is good in the world? Why do I feel that justice is served???
He's in jail for murder. For life.
And he got himself there, without my help.
He even turned himself in... which makes me think that my cousin might be a better person deep down than this... I can't even think of words bad enough for this person you describe. HE IS EVIL. I don't say this kind of s* lightly, I really don't. Heck, he might even give evil a bad name.
Seriously, his problem is that he has NO SOUL. You heard me. Some people get warped so young that their soul wilts and dies. Or the soul gets damaged and broken. People with broken souls can heal. People without them are target practice. Or should be.
There's a little project you should work on, after you get yourself safe, echolady. Find a cop who cares. Seriously. They do exist. I actually knew a few in my day. And some of them deeply care about getting scum like that non-person off the streets and behind bars. Many are so jaded and don't really think that one more on the other side will really make any difference. But some of them do. And once you've spoken to that one, you might be able to give them the tools to make it happen.
You can actually find a cop who cares in where ever you go to live and have him/her find one where this non-person is. It's called networking, and it's a beautiful thing.
The thing I wish more than anything else is that I could introduce you to some friends of mine who gladly help people in your situation. Trust me, one of them is ex-special forces who trained rangers and the like how to fight. He decided he'd prefer to teach civilians instead. A number of the people who work in his school and are his students (and teachers who work for him!) are people who've suffered at the hands of vicious lizards who use the system and pain and suffering, to get what they want. You may never become the biggest badass on the block, but hey, the most important thing they teach is two fold: Confidence, and how to sanely judge your situation. And KNOW what to do, at gut level, when s* happens.
So maybe a third thing is to find a martial arts school that's The Real Deal. Not some guy who's making a buck off of scared housewives, but someone who genuinely cares about the wellbeing of his students and wishes to make senseis out of his own students. That's another aspect of getting out of the morass of helplessness. And the exercise won't hurt, either. Find a teacher that doesn't use insults or peer pressure to get what he wants. That is vital to your success. Build up, not tear down. You have been torn down enough. You have given up enough.
I wish you the best of luck in your fight for survival.
How do I know? Well, reading your story, I started having deja vu. No I haven't dated anyone like this, but... I had this cousin. And while he never escalated to the point that I'm reading on the page, the pattern is very very similar. It's just that... well, he and I were kids and grew up spending summers together. Largely unsupervised summers, with only a very healthy 80+ year old woman to watch over us, and about 80 acres of land in the middle of no where.
Here's the funny thing. You'd think that a child version of this guy that you describe would be totally in control of that little old lady. You are very much wrong. My grandmother is a powerhouse, with 30+ years of teaching and sunday school under her belt. Her power over him was a blessing to me, in many ways, but she couldn't be everywhere.
I won't go into details, but we'll just say that he did very bad things to small animals to keep me in line. So why the hell am I convinced that there is good in the world? Why do I feel that justice is served???
He's in jail for murder. For life.
And he got himself there, without my help.
He even turned himself in... which makes me think that my cousin might be a better person deep down than this... I can't even think of words bad enough for this person you describe. HE IS EVIL. I don't say this kind of s* lightly, I really don't. Heck, he might even give evil a bad name.
Seriously, his problem is that he has NO SOUL. You heard me. Some people get warped so young that their soul wilts and dies. Or the soul gets damaged and broken. People with broken souls can heal. People without them are target practice. Or should be.There's a little project you should work on, after you get yourself safe, echolady. Find a cop who cares. Seriously. They do exist. I actually knew a few in my day. And some of them deeply care about getting scum like that non-person off the streets and behind bars. Many are so jaded and don't really think that one more on the other side will really make any difference. But some of them do. And once you've spoken to that one, you might be able to give them the tools to make it happen.
You can actually find a cop who cares in where ever you go to live and have him/her find one where this non-person is. It's called networking, and it's a beautiful thing.
The thing I wish more than anything else is that I could introduce you to some friends of mine who gladly help people in your situation. Trust me, one of them is ex-special forces who trained rangers and the like how to fight. He decided he'd prefer to teach civilians instead. A number of the people who work in his school and are his students (and teachers who work for him!) are people who've suffered at the hands of vicious lizards who use the system and pain and suffering, to get what they want. You may never become the biggest badass on the block, but hey, the most important thing they teach is two fold: Confidence, and how to sanely judge your situation. And KNOW what to do, at gut level, when s* happens.
So maybe a third thing is to find a martial arts school that's The Real Deal. Not some guy who's making a buck off of scared housewives, but someone who genuinely cares about the wellbeing of his students and wishes to make senseis out of his own students. That's another aspect of getting out of the morass of helplessness. And the exercise won't hurt, either.
Find a teacher that doesn't use insults or peer pressure to get what he wants. That is vital to your success. Build up, not tear down. You have been torn down enough. You have given up enough. I wish you the best of luck in your fight for survival.