Wiccachicken'blog...life, love and depression!

[wiccachicken]

Well, I thought it was about time for me to start a blog. There's so much that goes through my head that I think it would be good for me to get it out on the internet screen. I hope to include my different emotions, daily life and my struggle with depression.

I think there are actually quite a few people out there with depression. Some don't even know it yet....hell, I didn't even for like two years! It's a horrible illness....and no-one really gets over it. Fortuantely, my magick has helped to keep my head high and given a little bit more motivation.

I intend to keep this interesting....so please tell me if Im rambling.

OK, so today....I went to UNI....I do music you see. I play the piano and Im an opera singer. I have been singing fora bout 10 years now and I love it. It gives me such a confidence boost!! Went to the lecture which I snoozed through....and then spent about an hour messing around with my mates.

This is my second year in the first year (so I had to retake). Because of my depression I missed alot last year. I didnt care about anything. I didnt want to do music, I felt like crap all the time. It was not good. So, Ive been given another chance! yay! I hardly had any friends last year which didnt help. But this year Ive met some wicked people...theyre fabulous!!

Ive never really had that many friends. Im very wacky and some people cant cope with it! So the people that I do keep close are usually as crazy as me.

Am also missing home and the minute. My little nephew is 6 months old, and my mum. Oh well....not long til it's chirstmas and I get to go home!

Alot of people on here are asking about love spells and the suchlike....asking if its right or asking for people's spells. Personally, I tend to leave stuff like that alone...love is supposed to happen naturally....leave it up to the natural forces of the earth. You might always be wondering if that person really loves you, or if it's because of the spell....and you never know whether that spell could have an adverse affect on that person....like driving them literally mad with desire. Not good.

I always like to plan my spell well ahead of the time I plan to perform it. Then I can take time to think about whether it will affect anyone directly or even indirectly and if it will have a negative effect upon them. Also, it gives me time to make sure that Im using the right herbs in the correct correspondence.

Life goes on....

Take care my little possums!!!! tee hee (Sobek knows what Im on about!)

[wiccachicken]

15/11/07

Missed a lecture today....oooops! Oh well, but to make up for it I spent like 3 hours in the library today doing my assignment!! So Im totally knackered today!!

Been talking to Blazewind and Wolf Heart today. I would like to say that they are truly lovely people!!

Also been watching Pirates of the Carribean 2 which I had never seen before now! I saw the first and then the third....which was sooooooo long! There was an intermission inbetween it!!!

I'm getting a miffed by quite a few people who seem to think that magick is a solution to life's problems....it really isn't. It can help from time to time....but I believe that you should learn things from life without the aid of magick otherwise you never learn to never do it again!

I am extremely happy that Eretik and Sobek have been made mods....YAY!!!!!!! Go them! They're both fantastic people, with alot of good advice. So that's good. I had noticed that the previous ones had hardly posted for a while.

Also been watching the first series of Charmed....which I love!!! I love the whole 8 series....however, I think that it stopped being about sisters who were witches around about series 4. It started being more about their powers and stuff, which I didnt like so much....but it still kicked ass!

Haven't got that much to write about today...Im just generally happy

Take care pumpkins x x x x

[wiccachicken]

Right so, so far, I have totalyl sucked at keeping up with this thing daily....so I think Ill do it weekly!

This week has been amazing! I have met the best people ever....and people who I think will be my friends for a very long time. They're all gay bless 'em....but so funny....and theyre so much fun!!!!!

I went to a gay bar with them....very shocking....as Id never been to a gay bar before....but I got used to it.

The only bad things that have happened this week are missing lectures and not knowing that I had an assignment to hand in tomorrow......without having done anything!!!

Oh dear....Ill just have to kick ass at the exam....fingers crossed on that one.

My nephew is doing well. He's 6 months old....however, his teeth are coming through...which I can sympathise with....I have a wisdom tooth coming thru!!! OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! It hurts....Bonjela is a life saver.

Earlier, I posted a question on Invoking Isis.....I don't feel quite ready yet....or worthy enough to invoke her. I don't think Ill ever feel worthy....I just think I need to spend a bit more time connecting to her....Im getting there.

Also meeting some great people on this board and another board in the UK....it's fabby....Im so glad I can talk to people about magick....it feels wonderful to know Im not the only person x x x

Until next time my little koala bears x x x

[wiccachicken]

Well has been a long time Im afraid!! I have been mightily ill...lol...unfortunately I have a virus, but my doctor has given me some anit biotics...yay! So I should be right as rain by next week.

I'm actually quite down about it...it's making me sleep in ridiculous amounts (as if I don't have a problem with that already), and I just generally feel like crap! I was doing so well with my singing...in fact for the first time in ages I came skipping out of it...lol! Then the cough came along and I couldn't sing and missed valuable practising time!!! :'(

Oh well, life has its ups and downs! On the plus side however, I have received 3 new things...from my shopping online! One is a big, massive, beefy book - it's an encyclopedia of spells....some very dark and belonging to houdou and voodoo!! Argh! Some are very useful though. It's nice just to flick through on a rainy day with a cup of tea in my hand (how English, you all say!). I'm a bit of a tea nutter actually, to add to the stereotypical English view! lol! I love tea! Yummy!

I also got another cute little book called the Wicca Bible. Now when I first wanted to be a witch, I got a small book that just gave a small introduction to Wicca. I wish I had gotten this one first...it's fabulous. So much detail on everything. Elements, deities, Egyptian deities, Crytals, Scrying....unbelieveable!! Full of information. And very well explained. It even goes into detail about different forms of Wicca like Alexandrian and Gardenerian. MENTAL!!!

The third thing was Lara Croft Last Revelation. Sad I know. I'm a bit of a Lara Croft obsessive! I love my gaming. This one is particularly cool. I have to say the last two though have been quite awsome with the new futuristic graphics. She looks so fit and real!! However though, they've sacrificed quite a bit. Whereas before it took me like a month to get through a game becuase I'd get stuck on a certain part, the past two games I've finished in like a day!! Too easy!

Am finding it a bit hard to cope with my housemates atm! GRRRR! Their habits are just a bit annoying. For example; 2 smoke weed and it smells disgusting, I hate it. One sits in his room all day on the computer because he's depressed but he won't go to see a doctor about it and he won't listen to anyone's advice. And the other ALWAYS has some cocky comeback for whatever you say!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!! Get me out of here! I'm going NUTS!!!!!! Oh wait...Nope...I already was...but that's beside the point!!

I'm just trying to block it out of my head at the minute...I don't want to stress out! grrrr! lol!

Hope everyone is well....be good x x x

[wiccachicken]

Fortunately, I am up at around about 1.43am conforting my sister. We have a great relationship! I love her to bits.

Its odd because when we were living together we used to have blazing arguments. I hated her. I hated her presence. I hated how lazy she was and how she would always complain how my mother couldnt always afford stuff.

Then when I got into my Alevel years and she moved out we started to spend more time together. And in some ways I think my moum's cancer brought us closer together. She was a great comfort to me at the worst time in my life!

Then coming to uni she understood exactly what I was going through. I got depression and she knew how that felt much better than my mum did. And then even more of a relationship builder - my little nephew arrived on the scene. Hes so beautiful.

I went up at least one day every week and did some housework for her and looked after my nephew so she could snooze. It's nice to know that we're there for each other.

Shes going through a bit of a hard time at the minute though as he's waking up alot due to teething stuff! Bless her it must be so frustrating!

Speak soon chaps x x

[wiccachicken]

Well well! It's been a little while. Unfortunately, I have been ill with food poisoning...as a result of my minging house mates not cleaning the microwave since we've had it. Which is around about 2 months....YUMMY!

Bleurgh! So I have been writhing around in pain, but managed to go to work on Friday. I need the money so badly. I hate being a student I really do. When it comes to Christmas time...and people are giving me gifts, I get so embarassed if I don't have anything for them. So I'm working my ass off to get some dollar for pressies, and for a few drinks up the pub with family and friends. The pains of being a student.

Also, have been watching a ton of Most Haunted live! I am seriously freaked right now. It's about 05.44am...Ive just been watching some of the Halloween episodes, and Oh My God, I am petrified to go out of my room! I was supposed to be in bed with my boyfriend, but no, I am sat here, peeing my pants!! Alot of it is rubbish....maybe all of it is. But I like being scared by this sort of stuff. I think it;s very scary and adds that bit of mystery that I'm always going on about!! EEEEEERIE!

I also wanted to say what a breath of fresh air it was to finally see someone asking for a spell for a good reason. I personally, was getting a bit fed up of the love spell craze that was palguing our boards. So it was wonderful to be able to write something different!

I a planning to collate all the spells that I own in my many, many books and adapt them for my own. Now, I keep a notebook along with my Book of Shadows, just in case anything goes wrong, so I can look back and see what might have made whatever go wrong. Clashing correspondences maybe, words and the tense of the words. I think it's always better to speak in the present tense, as if you have assimilated your goal...your mind is more likely to be in that positive mindset then for those things to happen.
I'm trying to get around to writing these spells with my own personal touches, but it's such a massive job, I really need to have chilled out in other aspects of my life to concentrate fully on this. I don't think that I will have an opportunity like that until the summer....which is quite a way away!

Laters dudes! x x x x

[wiccachicken]

My my my....it has been a looooooooong time!! lol! Sorry if you have been reading...I had a fantastic Yule time with my wonderful family and then straight after that I had to study for exams for three weeks....fun fun fun!

So for a while I had been feeling very bad about my course. I hadn't been going to all my lectures even when this is practically my last chance to try again. So having tried every other way apart from magickal inspiration, I decided to write a motivation spell.

I have left the remnants - a white ribbon with runes on it in my chalice, on my shelf so I can see it everyday. So far, it is working a treat!!! I had a little chat with Isis and Lugh. I was absolutely desperate. Nothing is more important to me than music and my talent but something was stopping me from..getting up and doing it.

I have gone to all my lectures so far....done notes, read things, done exercises on time....it's all gooooood!

Life with the boyfriend is good too....he's a darling. Very supportive. He's been through so much with me. Not many blokes would go to your Grandma's funeral with you after just 4 months of a relationship!!!

Also, am well excited because I'm going home for a weekend to see my mum, stepdad, dog, sister, grandad and nephew!!! My nephew has conjunctivitis and a cold so my sister is calling him a "shrek" baby atm! lol!
I get the train on Friday and my mum has said she'll make us a Lamb roast for Sunday lunch! YUM YUM YUM!!!!!! My mum's food is the best....I don;t know how I live without it up here!

Incidentally, up here is FREEZING!! My nipples are as hard as stone whenever I go out so it's granny pants, tights and vests!!!lol! Not really....I am a firm believer in sexy underwear and threw out my granny pants a long time ago. I do kind of miss them though...they were really comfy! lol!

Anyways. see you later alligators!!!!! xxxxxxx

[wiccachicken]

Woah!! Ok so its been a very very long time. Ive been so busy. This term is getting to be so MANIC!!!!!!!

But Ive noticed that there are so many more people actually doing blogs now!!! Theres like loads!!!!

Not much to catch up on really. My spell that I did recently is working well....however, me not taking my antidepressants for a while is starting to counteract so I better get something done about that soonish!! eeek!

Peace out guys there will be more laterz xxxxx

[wiccachicken]

Again been a while you guys, Im sorry. Things have been really busy and Ive been concentrating loads on my work so thats a good thing

So although things are going magnificently well in that aspect of life...another part has fallen to pieces a bit. It's a UNIVERSAL truth: As soon as one part of your life going swimmingly, another part falls spectacularly to pieces.

So everything has been going good; friends, family, univeristy.... until I find out my boyfriend has been trying to cheat on me. This was a couple of weeks ago...I went through his computer to see what he'd be looking at and I found these dating sites. He lied to me the first time I accused him and said he never arranged to meet anyone. Then I found out that he did. I know the reason why he did it....but that's no excuse. And after 4 years of a relationship I couldn't believe it. I'd finally gotten to that point where I trusted him wholly and completely and then he went and ruined it.

We broke up for a while and we're back together now but there's still a lot of patching up to do. I don't know how long it will take but probably about 6 months - I've been hurt so much in love; it takes more time to heal the more you've been hurt.

I've been greatly annoyed with the constant work load at Uni however as it ihas left NO time for my Craft. I feel very stressed because of it...I need to meditate and chill. And I need to get close to the God and Goddess again. I feel very distant but I know that the God and Goddess are sympathetic...they know that work comes before it. I think as long as I keep my craft in mind, that's fine.There's plenty of nature around me to appreciate.

I was admiring the trees in Cardiff recently. We've had some wonderful wonderful weather and I've been really appreciating it. The leaves on tress are so green and daisies are out. People are lying on big fields basking in the sun. It's lovely.

Summer is my favourite time of year and always has been. Not because of the holidays but because of the way the world looks. The trees are no longer bare and the weatheris good enough for me to sit outside for quite a while and connect.

The only slight problem I'm having with some little bits of nature are the little miceys that are currently residing in our house. I would have loved to have been able to get the humane traps for mice but I couldn't. There's such a horrendous mouse problem in our area, and if we did get those traps, we would have to let them go at least 5 miles away from our house....they can find their way back you see.
So I had to call the council and get them to lay traps Our kitchen now stinks of death and rotting mouse, which is not pleasant. And they're still running around. Yesterday, my flat mate and I tried to catch one that was running around the patio!!! It was so cute...ickle tiny body wiv a cutie tail.

Anyways....Im sure life will sort it out
Take care chickens....miss ya
Hannah xxxx

[wiccachicken]

Hi guys....yet again it has been an aeon since I have actually even looked at the site, commented or added to my blog. Im really sorry. Things are so intermittent. It's like the busiest time right now....

I broke up withmy boyfriend temporarily which was horrible...don't really want to go into the details about that one....we're back together now though and patching our trust back together!

Also I have exams atm which are gruelling....particularly right now. I had one the 27th, then the 29th and Im about to have one tomorrow (31st May)....then I have practical exams on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th of June!!!

I'm knackered already....all I want to do is sleep! lol!

My boyfriend has gone home so I'm all alone with my ridiculous house mates who love to live in their own (and the rats') dirt! It's not nice. But Im trying to grit my teeth and bear it so....all I can do is wait really!

I've unfortunately been feeling very distant from the Craft lately and I really don't like it. Sobek (who I speak to regularly) told me that Heretic (Geri) said that it was something to do with the Moon being in a bit of a weird phase (yes, that's very vague). But I dont think it's just that;

Through life we all will have moments that are extremely hectic and it sometimes is not possible to observe and partake in the Craft like we usually would. The God and Goddess would not want us to waste golden opportunities given to us because of the Craft. They understand that we cannot always do what we usually do.

So I do know that they aren't penalising me or punishing me but still I enjoy what I do. I usually like to meditate for about half an hour, handle my tools, say a prayer or two, converse with Isis...and then that's it. A small daily/weekly ritual but I helps me feel more connected.

I wondered how to get back into the swing of things...talking to Isis, meditating etc. and I had two options really:

1. To go into it gently. Start just meditating and gradually build it back to the usual time and gradually intergrate all the other ritualistic bits I did. They all drain energy but sort of at the same time rejuvenate me.
or

2. To go in guns blazing, summoning/invoking straight away. This was suggested by my dear friend but I declined. I think that would seriously do me more harm than good and it's not the way I approach my beliefs (bear in my mind we believe in different things)

Then I got to thinking....maybe the way we get back into the swing of things - whether it be magick or anything else in life....maybe that reflects the kind of person we are.

For example, I would take option 1. Thats simply how I do things in life, I like to ease into things gently as it has been experience that charging in never or hardly ever presents any rewards.
My friend however, is very head strong and chose option 2. I think that's very much part of his personality. He's not someone who minces around. He says what he feels, does what he feels like and I admire that.

Maybe charging in is the best way....it would certainly give you a kick up the bum...but I am opting for the safer, less draining option. Magick for me doesn't drain me completely. I feel physically drained and emotionally but not all of me is tired. After magick I feel very fresh and almost energised but in a quiet way. Doing option 2 would stop that I think.

I do not use magick that much. Only when I need it. So as I do not partake in spell work that often, I do not have the ability (?) or ability to raise that kind of energy so suddenly after weeks of no magickal connection. There is obviously magick all around us...and I connect and appreciate that very well....but as far as practical work goes...I don't use it much. I see no need. It's idiotic to raise magick for no real purpose....the energy raised has to be sent out somewhere....where does it go?

Anyway...I've rambled on far too much but I hope I've given some people something to think about. Are you a gentle, subtle practitioner, or are you very head strong and capable of doing such hard work?

If there are any typos in here (Im sure there will be) it's because it's midnight and Im knackered. Wis me luck for my exam tomorrow.

BLESSED BE )0( xxxxx

[wiccachicken]

Dear all,

I just wanted to say goodbye. I had a good time on here however I feel unwelcome now.

I had been away for a while and now on return, having read some of the topics, viewing some of the arguments and seeing the large majority of people's opinions (and how dissimilar they are to mine), I am leaving.

I'm leaving because I just don't feel a connection with anyone on here and since last year in October when I joined I feel the general atmosphere of this place has turned nasty.

I am also shocked at the treatment past members have received. And even current ones. I think it's despicable. I do not wish to get to that stage so I am quitting while I'm ahead.

If anyone should ever wish to speak to me I'm on MSN - chrisses_missis@hotmail.co.uk

I had a good time here, but then things changed, Things got censored, people are acting hypocritically and I don't wish to be part of this community anymore.

Take care all, lead full and exciting lives and maybe I'll speak to you soon.
Lots of love
Hannah xxxx
_________________

[watershield]

As near as I can see, your running away.
You got into an arguement with one person, so your leaving.

Ok, you may be upset with others leaving and may have some concerns about site content or the other reasons you stated.
But since when can you effect change from the outside?

Censorship is an injustice and when it happens we all need to be made aware of it and fight against it. If you have been censored or your posts modified, tell us about it.

Peoples opinions will vary. Heck sometimes I even disagree with myself!
And sometimes I get into running battles of words with whom ever. But at the end of the day, I really don't care what they might think or have posted. It's the internet after all. Half the people out there are fakes, wana be's or trolls. Ya just got ta learn when not to feed the trolls'

[wiccachicken]

No not running away I was here before you and the atmosphere was so much different. Things really have changed a huge amount and to be honest I have been thinking about this for a few months. I decided to give it a while to see how things panned out. I honestly don't want to be in this community anymore. I feel no connection. Seriously, I saw the otherside of how people were treated when they were left.

I have stood my ground with Juliaki on my ethics of spell casting and Im happy I have. But I really don't want to be here anymore. I'm sick of it and I really do not need the extra stress....its high enough as it is! I just want to bein a community where I can feel equal and I don't feel that here anymore.

Its not about one person. Its about something more than just one person. Its about several people....the admins and other members. And it's also about me....about what I want and what I sense.

[watershield]

I hear ya

I wish you well and if you would like a couple of different site that are very friendly send me a pm

[wiccachicken]

Thankyou...I am part of Eretik and Revolpathon's forum now (I dunno if you knew them) so one forum at a time lol!

Take care
Be good
Hannah xx