Something to Consider: The Aftermath..Survivor Standpoint

[Nyxannwn]

Hello Everyone- I recently became a member and moderator for EUTM, and until today I actually did not realize there was a section for Suicide. Just as I feel I have an obligation to this board and its members in guiding them in their faith, I now also feel like I have an obligation to share my thoughts on suicide from a survivor's standpoint. I think my cousin Kyle would appreciate it.

My cousin Kyle died 5 years ago at 21 by hanging. It was very sudden and an extremely jarring experience. Kyle was a bright light for the family, always joking around and playing with my sister and I when he would visit for Thanksgiving and occasionally the 4th of July. He looked out for all of his cousins, and his younger sister. On the second day of sophomore year, I woke up to find my dad bawling his eyes out on the phone with my aunt. To find out Kyle died was not only extremely sad and shocking, but I had no idea he was at all depressed.

It came to light at the wake that my extended family was in reality very tight-mouthed, and only a few people knew how incredibly depressed Kyle actually was deep down. So much so, he had been talking about wanting to die from the age of 5. It was an open-casket, and my aunt had to take strong sedatives to calm herself down. The whole experience was very surreal, his make-up job was horrible, and to make matters even worse: his friends were there- the friends that knew a week prior about his desire to kill himself. None of them took him seriously, a few of them made fun of him for it, and the bastards were laughing and joking at the wake. I kid you not.

This is starting to turn into a tangent, but the point of this post is intended to be this: To all of you contemplating suicide. I'm not going to tell you not to do it, or that you're making the right decision by doing it. Rather, I ask you to simply think long and hard about what you're doing, why you want to do it, and who you will be effecting. The death of my cousin nearly lead to additional suicides in my family. People who were not clinically depressed before his death. When people come on here and feed you the usual line of "You're not alone", stop for a second a really think about what that might mean. Nine times out of ten, there is at least one person in your life that will be devastated to see you go, and your death could very well lead to theirs. I know it is said time and time again that survivors of suicide need to stop being so selfish and maybe think for once that perhaps the deceased person is now happy. The reverse needs to be acknowledged as well. No, I don't think my cousin was a coward for killing himself. At first I said that, because I was angry. But as time went on, I realized it was what he needed to do. At the same time, suicidal people need to think about if, perhaps, their actions are selfish. The world can be a tough place, but it can be a beautiful place too. Try to find a way to better your situation first and foremost before you do something you can't take back.

I don't care what anyone tells you. You CAN'T enjoy life without knowing pain first.

To suicidal people and those who feel threatened that a love one will commit:
Treat each other with respect, and think HARD about what you say and do before you say/do it. Suicide is a tough subject, but it is ultimately up to the person who is depressed. You CAN'T stop someone from killing themselves. Not through word or action. I don't care how close you are to the person, or even if you're a therapist. If the person wants to die, they will. All you can do is try to listen to and support them in their time of need.

And if you do choose that in the end, suicide is your only option, I hope it ends up being the right decision for you, and that the goddess embraces you warmly upon your entrance to the Summerlands.

As a closing thought, Kyle did regret it. He visited my cousin (his sister) three nights after his death (she wasn't sleeping) and told her how he wished he could take it all back, and that he didn't realize how much he hurt everyone, especially his mother. And that really happened. He made a decision too quickly, even though he had suffered a lifetime of depression. Don't treat your death as a spontaneous endeavor to commit in the garage when your parents are sleeping. Once you're gone, that's it. You will not return to the life you once lived.

Brightest Blessings, and please take care of yourselves,

~*~Nix~*~