How could he???

Post by **moonlit** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 7:20 pm

So I was on the phone with my boyfriend the other day and he suddenly brought up an idea. He said that he believe that we would eventually be married someday. He said after you are married you stay faithful to that person and you have sex with just that person for the rest of your life. Well he had the "wonderful" suggestion that before we get married, we both sleep with a different person for one last time before the knot is totally tied. I have only been with him. I have never slept with another person. I am not the type of person that just goes and picks someone up and sleeps with them. I don't think I would even be able to do it. He already said that he wouldn't do it unless I did but he really wants to I can tell. I don think I could think of him the same if we did this, but I don't want to marry him and worry about him wanting to sleep with a different person one last time. I feel like he was trying to press the opportunity onto me to be a whore or something.

What do I do??? is this a strange request for him to make? am I thinking of it all wrong? I feel like I'm loosing either way.

Post by **Blazewind** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 7:58 pm

That seems like a very strange thing for him to want to do. I am not married, but I can not imagine a couple doing this befiore marrage. I am assuming that because you are with him, and planning to marry, that the two of you trust each other to be honest... so just tell him. Tell you you don't want to do this, and that you don't feel right about him sleeping with someone else either. No offence meant by this, but it also sounds to me, like if a man wants to sleep with someone else, one last time before he is married, that he might not be mature enough for marrage in the first place.

Post by **moonlit** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 8:04 pm

I'm taking no offense at all. I am open to any opinions and suggestions people are willing to give me. I will definitely talk to him. I hope the best can come of this but it's not looking good.

moonlit

Post by **Sobek** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 11:15 pm

that doesnt bode well, i think later in life if you remain together you can expect him to cheat on you.

Post by Vicki* » Fri Sep 21, 2007 3:02 am

I dont like the idea either, sorry

I liked that my husband was ready to settle down once we'd met because he'd been out and done that sort of thing in his early twenties

I'm thinking your boyfriend is maybe a bit too young for marriage?

Post by **Wolf Heart** » Fri Sep 21, 2007 1:13 pm

It sounds to me that he's not ready for any kind of commitment if he's wanting this "final" time to do things before your married. He sounds much to immature and young to even be married.
I also agree with Sobek, that is a high sign of a cheater later on in marriage.

Blessed Be,
Wolf Heart

Post by **Revolpathon** » Fri Sep 21, 2007 2:02 pm

isn't the whole sleeping with different women off limit's as soon as the girl is your girlfriend?

i'd say hold off the wedding plans

Post by **[EarthWitch]** » Fri Sep 21, 2007 3:31 pm

Revolpathon wrote:isn't the whole sleeping with different women off limit's as soon as the girl is your girlfriend?

i'd say hold off the wedding plans

I have to agree. If you are going to marry someone, then you have chosen that someone to be with for as long as you live, they should fulfill all your needs, therefore, why would you have the need to have a sexual encounter with someone else? I guess at least you can feel a little better that he was honest about it and didn't just go off and do something stupid.

Post by **Blazewind** » Fri Sep 21, 2007 5:17 pm

You should be enough for him when it comes to sexaul relations. It applies both before and after marrage. He should need need someone else even one last time before you're married, if he truely feels that you will be enough for him after.

Post by **kai** » Fri Sep 21, 2007 9:30 pm

Sleeping with other women???? I seriously doubt that the person is in love, or is ready commit. I think you should have a nice long talk with him about the commitment.

Post by **moonlit** » Fri Sep 21, 2007 9:40 pm

He wanted me to sleep with someone else as well. He said he wasn't going to do it unless I did it to cuz it would be a really (pardon my french) "shitty" thing to do. Later he called me again and said he was sorry for even saying that. That he was being stupid and he didn't realize how bad was for him to even suggest that. He said he was worried that sense I have only slept with him that later in the relationship I would wonder what it would be like to be with someone else and I would leave him. He said that he didn;t care if I didn't want to that it wasn't a big deal at all that he wanted to spend his life with me and he hopes that this stupidity on his part wasn't going to mess anything up in our relationship.

I just wish I could go in one direction instead of millions.

moonlit

Post by **Revolpathon** » Sat Sep 22, 2007 9:19 am

you sure he doesn't know this forum or did a search on your nick?
if you are sure about that then i think it is a mature think to say after this but, still .... i don't know what to say since i don't want to crush the regained confidence you have

Post by **[echolady]** » Sun Sep 23, 2007 5:54 am

I'm just going to say that you should never, even for the person that u love, compromise your ideals, nor wavor your boundaries. The person that u are supposed to be with, that truely loves u, will never want u to lower your standards on life for them.

That being said, be careful . u thought about loweing the bar and comprimising and wavoring for a minute. just be careful that u don't.

I would think a person that really understands what a marriage is would not ask this of u, because he would know u well enough to know better.

just my thoughts
echolady

Post by **moonlit** » Mon Sep 24, 2007 8:35 pm

I'm positive that he doesn't know I'm on this board. He barly knows how to use a computer lol.

I believe in second chances. But I'm going to keep my eyes more open

moonlit

Post by **Sobek** » Mon Sep 24, 2007 10:35 pm

Moonlit wrote:I believe in second chances

thats ok if you feel they are worth it, but its unadvisable to go above that number...